I’m a 23 (f) and he’s 30 (m). I got back in the dating scene after a year from my very first break up and it’s safe to say that it’s been hard to find someone to click with until I met this guy. We’ve been talking for a little over a month now, and seemed to have chemistry and compatibility off the bat. He seemed genuinely interested in me as I was in him. We’ve talked about personal experiences and our exceptions etc. Everything was going great until I started noticing some red flags. I don’t have a lot of friends but the couple of friends that I do have are very good friends that I’ve known for years. They also happen to be men, however they’re gay. I only have two straight guy friends and one of them is married and the other has a gf. This matters because the guy I’m talking to told me he used to be the jealous type, and seemed to be bothered that my best friend and I are so close. For reference my best friend is gay lol. He told me that he knows how guys can be and they usually play the long game or pretend to be gay to get girls etc. In this same conversation he also mentioned that he used to have major anger/jealousy issues and that he’s changed since then. I really like him, so I didn’t see this as too much of a problem since I wasn’t lying about my guy friends, they’re gay and the ones that aren’t are not available and not interested in me, and I’m not interested in them.
Fast forward to the dilemma we’re having. Long story short my friend’s wedding is coming up, I need a date and he offers to be my date. I told him that my parents are also going and he said that’s fine. The next day I ask him to confirm if he’s going and he told me he thought I was joking and that it’s too soon to meet my parents. He told me since he wants smtg serious with me he wants to meet them the right way. I was hurt but I respected his decision. He told me that he didn’t mind if I brought another date and that’s what I did. I asked one of my friends (gay guy) if he wanted to come with me and he said ofc. Day of the wedding comes and the guy I’m talking to doesn’t text me all day when he usually does. My friend had to leave early and I’m there not really having a good time. I texted the guy I’m taking to if I could come over, he then asks me if I kissed my date and I was taken aback by the question. I told him he’s just a friend and you don’t kiss friends right. So no I didn’t kiss him. He then tells me that I can’t come over since I couldn’t answer the question directly and goes on a rant about how there are girls that still kiss their guy friends.
We then get in an argument over text about how he didn’t want me to come over if I had kissed my friend since he didn’t want his backwash. We also talked about what we’re doing with this situation we have going on. He proceeds to tell me he hasn’t been on dates in 2 weeks but that he had one planned for Sunday. (Wedding happened on Saturday). He also tells me that he likes me and likes hanging out with me but with that being said I have too many guy friends and he can’t take me seriously because of that. I called him and he didn’t answer. I was confused and hurt about this whole situation and I didn’t know what to make of it so I asked him if he was even serious about dating me seriously. He responds the next morning saying that he does see himself dating me seriously but some things would have to change and he’s not trying to change anyone.
I then send him two paragraphs (I genuinely didn’t want to but he wasn’t answering the phone, and I wanted to express how this whole situation made me feel). To summarize those two paragraphs I told him that he seems to have an issue with communication and trust. I haven’t given him a reason to distrust me and we’re just at the beginning stages of getting to know each other. The way he’s feeling is valid, but it’s also unfair to me to judge me based on his previous relationships. I would never put my spouse in an uncomfortable position with someone that I know likes me. I also mentioned how I felt hurt that he told me he would be my date but then thought I was joking. I sent him those two paragraphs and he read them, but only liked the second paragraph and hasn’t responded since then. This happened yesterday (Sunday). Do you guys think he’ll actually respond back, Should I even wait for an actual response or should I move on?
Also bless you for reading this far. I hope I get some responses since this is a long post. 😖
2 comments
>he used to have major anger/jealousy issues and that he’s changed since then.
Clearly not, because he feels threatened by the mere mention of other men.
>but some things would have to change and he’s not trying to change anyone.
Translation: “I won’t say it out loud, but… you had better start doing what I say.”
Find someone better.
“I really like him, so I didn’t see this as too much of a problem.”
Rose colored glasses.
Take them off.