I’ve never experienced arousal my entire life. I’ve tried masturbating multiple times but it just doesn’t work for me, I don’t feel anything. I am sexually attracted to men, but when it comes time to actually do it, I don’t feel anything. It doesn’t matter how attractive or experienced the guy is, I just don’t feel any sort or stimulation or pleasure. I literally lie there in silence because I don’t know how to react to feeling nothing. My body is always so shut off that I can’t even have penetrative sex, I never get loose or wet no matter how badly I want to. Every time a guy tries to do it, my entire body gets tense and it doesn’t work or it’s the most intense pain imaginable, like I’m being torn apart. There’s been so many times when I was super into a guy and had the chance to have sex, but my body wouldn’t let me. It never has. It’s come to the point where I’ve sorta given up on pursuing anyone. I don’t even give men the chance to talk to me because I know they’ll be disappointed when they find out my body is basically broken sexually. I have a lot of anxiety and insecurities, I don’t know if that’s a contributing factor. I just wanted to know if anyone else has had a similar experience. It’s so frustrating when everyone around you has normal sex lives and you’re the one whose body doesn’t work.
15 comments
I’m sorry you’re going through this. You should speak to a doctor and/or gynecologist about these issues. It’s not normal for you not to be able to feel any pleasure.
I, 20F, have a similar issue where it’s difficult for me to get aroused/orgasm when it comes to sex. A big contributor is due to anxiety and insecurities, but a lot has to do with sexual trauma. If you have had sexual trauma in the past especially as a child, it can really affect how your body responds to sex. Also, have you tried incorporating sex toys such as vibrators in self-play or sex? I suggest trying them out a vibrator in masturbating and see if that helps you and then incorporating it in sex. Also, another contributing factor could simply be because you’re not emotionally attached to the people you’re having sex with. Emotional connection can be a big game changer in sex. Anyways, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this and I do hope the best for you.
You might need sex and somatic therapy, you might be in fight/flight and not able to access safety/pleasure states.
Sounds like symptoms close to rape victims. Alot of victims body just absolutely shut down when it’s time to do it normal .
Some people are asexual and that’s OK. Sexualilty is a spectrum and its all ok . Pedophiles and sadist without consent are not included
What country did you defect to? Do they have good food?😀 In all seriousness though, see a doctor to help you with this, one of the hardest things for a person to do is ask for help, take that first step and don’t forget to have compassion for yourself.
Pain is a massive arousal killer. r/vaginismus may resonate with you and if it does it’s pelvic floor physiotherapists who treat this, not doctors (the most useful thing a gynae will do in that case is simply refer you to physio)
I’m gonna say hmmm.
1) forgive yourself. You are probably stressing, you are putting pressure on yourself. While you may be having some difficulties it’s not your fault and doesn’t say anything about your value as a person. Try to get into it with very little expectations other than personal exploration?
2) experiment with solo play. Best time would be around the time in your cycle when you are ovulating if you can tell when that is because things tend to be more sensitive. don’t necessarily go for penetration, use a small vibe on and around your clit and outer lips, see if anything feels kind of nice even faintly? Get some blood flowing in there. Also, lube. Clits too like lube.
3) contrary to what media belief seems to be it often takes a while for women to kind of. Find penetration pleasurable once they start experimenting with it. Any touch in there will be intense but not yet good intense because your body is kind of very confused, it has zero experience with feeling anything in there. And that is without any additional trauma/condition like vaginismus which is p much your body compulsively tensing up.
If you are not very turned on (loosened up and wet), anything being shoved in there, with no additional lube and you having no prior experience with anything penetrating you is absolutely going to hurt like hell, that’s perfectly normal actually.
Practice makes perfect….
Maybe you’re asexual. Do you watch porn? If so, does it turn you on?
I completely understand. If you rub the back of your neck and have a feel around, there should be a tiny bump. That’s the reset button.
Just press that and should all be fixed.
Hi. What’s up.
Perhaps you are asexual. You should probably speak to y of ur doctor to make sure u are all good physically, but so me e people just dont enjoy sex.
Being asexual is not being defective it just means you have a cross less to bear.
So just a clarification.
When you say you are sexually attracted to men. Do you mean you want to have sex with them? Or just have a romantic relationship with them?
The reason I ask is that if you are asexual you can still desire someone without actually wanting sex. But since sex is so heavily tied to relationships they seem like they are supposed to go hand in hand.