TLDR
It feels like we’re both in a committed relationship, except she loves when guys come up to her. She never acts on it, but loves the attention. How do I tell her to stop without sounding controlling?
Me and my girlfriend met in college have been dating for like 4-5 months. She is on vacation in Mexico and she called me very upset saying, not a single guy has came up to her and how she feels ugly or wishes she looked like the other girls. I reassured her but she is always like this. When we go to bars she tells me to let her talk to other guys to get free alcohol. She has guys that she had feelings for and slept with in the past and still snaps them. I’ve confronted her about that and she said she doesn’t have feelings for him anymore, only sends a selfie a day, and isn’t someone I have to worry about. Well I am worried about it.
Our relationship is fine in all other aspects, it’s just this that bothers me. I know she has a low self esteem and I can’t fix that, but it hurts me when she tells me she wants other guys to talk to her. We call every day, she drives up an hour to see me on summer break like 3 days a week, she buys herself packers clothes even though I’m the fan. Everything tells me she’s committed except this. So is this just a maturity thing that will go away with time? Any advice?
6 comments
>only sends a selfie a day
Yikes.
She needs to get help for her self-esteem issues, but she has to *want* to change it for that to happen.
Come on man… You know this isn’t right. Your GF is putting up a big neon sign that says “I crave male attention and will do anything to get it, and I have no respect for my boyfriend.” And dude, nobody sends “a selfie a day” to someone they’re not trying to fuck (or at least keep warm to bang some day).
Get some self-respect. It’s not being controlling to say “I don’t want to hear how desperate you are for sexual attention from other men” but I can also tell you that it’s not going to matter one bit what you tell her. When someone has major self-esteem issues like this and is going out of their way to solicit this kind of attention while in a relationship… they are not going to stop no matter how politely you ask. At best they’ll just start hiding it from you.
I used to date a girl with these issues. Not nearly as bad as what you’re talking about, but it still hurt and was honestly deeply humiliating. I should have moved on then but I dragged things out for a long time and it was NOT worth it in any way.
You can’t date people for their potential. You can only date them for who they are now.
There are men out there who would be okay with her behaviour and you’re not one of them. And that’s fine. Two people can be incompatible without either of them necessarily being in the wrong.
>she called me very upset saying, not a single guy has came up to her and how she feels ugly
Impressive that she can maintain an arctic level of cold-heartedness in such a hot destination. For that ability, I’m gonna call her Ms. Tundra.
Ms. Tundra is whining about something ridiculous, but if she *had* to vocalize this, the bare minimum is to say it to a gal pal and not her gd boyfriend.
Ms. Tundra expects you to sit down and watch as she wastes other people’s time and money because she has a black hole where her self-esteem is supposed to be.
Ms. Tundra has multiple guys(!) on the backburner and keeps their interest fed with daily selfies.
Ms. Tundra is an F-tier girlfriend who really needs to get her act together right fucking now. She is throwing up a thousand red flags for emotional and physical affairs. She is treating you like shit and apparently expects you to just sit there and bare it. She’s awful.
Personally, I would dump her. She’s a narcissistic, attention, grabbing, empty suit.
End the relationship.
I’ve dated this kind of girl before. It won’t end well.
Her need for male attention is going to break you, even if she never cheats. And she is very likely to. Not because she is evil but she is deeply flawed. That need for attention runs deep. She will end up humiliating you in public with her behavior.
You will NEVER be enough. No matter how good you are to her. No matter how great a boyfriend you are. No matter what you do. She NEEDS male attention. She CRAVES it. And she needs it from many men, not just one.
You will end up being disrespected, looking and feeling like a fool, as she goes around getting free drinks from men who then start hitting on her. Do you want this bullshit in your life?
I would hope not.