Men who have cut off family ties, how do you fill that void?

31 comments

1. A really good playlist.

2. I grew up with a family of addicts. My parents were addicted to prescription pills and alcohol for one half of my life and then as a teenager, meth. When I was 16 I sold my Xbox and bought a one way plane ticket to Ohio. I lived with my friend who I have been best friends with since we were like 12. I stayed with him for a few years and then eventually my parents said they were clean and I forgave them for all of my childhood trauma and decided to spend more time around them. A couple years later when I was supposed to go to college I moved in with them to try and heal the lost time.

   A few months into that situation they revealed they have never stopped using meth for the last 5 years.

   They said they were gonna stop and they did. Cold turkey. At the house. They went through psychosis and my mom tore apart the whole house thinking it was a computer made to spy on her and I was in on it. It was a really bad couple of weeks. One of my closest friends also killer himself in that same month right before my parents did this.

   So long story short, I got pissed and said if you wanna be in my life, go to rehab. They refused. They moved out and I had nowhere to go. At the age of 21 I had to go from part time work, and going to college to not going to college and working full time in a factory to afford a place to live.

   This all went down in 2021. So now we’re kinda getting on better terms but eh. Idk man. I’ve cut them off for years but I always end up forgiving them because I love them despite their immense flaws and selfishness.

   But my distant family like my cousins and even grandparents I don’t feel bad for cutting off. They’re awful people.

   But I do feel that deep sorrow that I have no family. I smoke a decent amount of weed and exercise A LOT. I also make music and art and try to fill that void with positive hobbies and friends.

3. I found a great group of friends who became my family.

   Such is the way of LGBT+ kids, we gravitate towards each other and make something of it.

   You owe nothing to your family if they’re toxic and abusive, cut them off. I feel not a shred of guilt or responsibility for them.

4. What void?

5. I’m coping with having to do it.

6. What void?

7. I’ll spare you my overall story.

   My problem was, even as an older man, I miss them, and I value my time with them. I moved back to their state, trying to repair our relationship. It didn’t work. I left again. It’s like an addiction. I’m only four months no contact, and I always have seemed to relapse. It’s an odd thing to care for people that don’t even remember their son’s birthday. I believe in my heart that this time is truly the last.

   As far as filling that void, I truly don’t know, just stay no contact if they are as detrimental to you as my family is to me.

8. I have a dog and a cat. They fill that void just perfectly. And no, I don’t feel guilty at all for having no contact with people who don’t genuinely care about me.

9. With better mental health. Lol.

10. (my dad’s side of the family), and I use a mixture of friends and drugs to fill that void, hopefully I meet another girl who’s family I can fully refill it in a healthier way one day

11. thankfully they never were, but if they had been, it would have been filled with the ghosts crying to me from hell. I also would be eating lots and lots of very delicious corn while writing murder dramas staring out a window in a log cabin out in the middle of nowhere.

12. Guilty? Not one ounce of me feels guilty! Little backstory to understand why;

    I was born outside of marriage to a fanatical Catholic family, my father was misogynistic to my mother and abusive to me, I was the outlet for his bad moods, my mother couldn’t do anything and looking back, it felt like she completely ignored me as she focused on her house duties, since she didn’t work, I am convinced I was only fed because it is illegal in the UK to starve a child. My clothes never fit nor did I have any say in what I wore, I was never allowed anyone from school around, I had to sneak out of my bedroom if I ever wanted to go somewhere, the only good thing about them not caring is they never checked if I was in my room. out the window, onto the shed, over the wall!

    When I was 14 and my father found out about a girl I was talking to and had a crush on, he berrated me so much that his words are still burned into my mind 17 years later, I hate religious zealots and fanatics, I hate how they use religion to justify their monstrous actions, so No I don’t feel guilty for abandoning them at 17, for stealing some money out of my fathers wallet and using it to board a train, I dont feel guilty for changing my name and erasing every bit of evidence of where I came from.

    Sure, I spent a few weeks on the streets on the opposite side of the country, and despite being terrified, I would take 20 years of homelessness and fear before ever going back to them.

    I don’t have a void to fill, I have a scar to heal. What they did to me will never be forgiven or forgotten, all of this just because I was born at the wrong time, no parental love, just anger, abuse, and destruction. I owe my life and my gentle nature to the few people I met after leaving, One of which I’m living in a shared house with, they have treated me better than either of those creatures I was born to.

13. A cousin of mine did this after they married eons ago, and took a job in another city and relocated, never looking back. Sure they’d attend occasional family get-together’s, but remained disconnected from the whole drama. And extended family didn’t blame them. No one wants association with that. People who can’t behave human without dogging or dragging others down because of jealousy or whatnot.

    and theirs was the only marriage in that family to survive without divorce.

14. No.
    I know they’ll exploit me for everything they can if I give them that chance. I understand why they’re that way but I won’t engage with them.

15. Older sister did an amazing job ruining my life and forcibly seperated me from my family. Not over it, will never be. The void grows.

16. Nope, no guilt. I cope by not having that soul crushing fear pressing down on me, knowing no matter what I do, I’ll always disappoint them. It’s freeing not giving a fuck what they think and pretending they don’t exist. Sometimes you need to prune the diseased branches off the family tree, or plant a new one far away from the old one.

17. I noticed that there was no (emotional) void to be filled which then explained why I at some point made the cut. It only freed up time to do things more enjoyable than dealing with the mess.

18. It was honestly a relief. They brought too much complication and drama to my life.

    I didn’t feel a void at all. I was finally able to just live my life without interruptions.

19. There is only relief. There is no void. My wife is my family now though. She’s more than enough.

20. I can’t cut off family ties because I can’t support myself yet, I should have a good job and house if I do that.

21. Started my own family, spent 11 years no contact. Was hard, but we awesome now. See my family maybe 1 time every 2 years. It works for me.

22. Yes, I cut my dad’s whole side of the family out of my life years ago and it didn’t leave a void. In fact, it gave me peace and comfort knowing I never had to lay eyes or hear from them ever again.
    Easily the best decision I’ve made in my life.

23. I don’t miss most of them, I honestly pity them. The best thing you can do is forget they exist. If you ever feel a void, remember the bad things they do and how you are doing better and healing from them. I’ve not spoken to my family in 8 years and I can say I haven’t thought about them in the last 4.

24. There is no void. They are toxic as fuck.

25. Oh, cutting off family ties, huh? Well, I suggest getting a pet rock to fill the void. It’s low-maintenance and won’t guilt-trip you!

26. I haven’t talked to my paternal side of the family in like 10 years, zero guilt. I always joke with the rest of my family I’ve done it once and I can do it again if they aren’t nice to me haha. But it’s been a lot stressful and I don’t think of it day to day.

27. Built my own family and friends

    Teaching Jiu-Jitsu/MMA

    I mentor young folk as I was once mentored

    Building my company with a tight crew

    Having fun and interesting projects to work on

    Contributing to my community

28. I haven’t seen my fathers side of the family since I was 12ish, my father wasn’t a very nice guy, and the rest of the family hated my mother and only added to things. The void never really fills, you just kind of get distracted with life and forget for awhile. I’m about the same age now as my father was the last time I seen him. It hurts.

29. It really depends on what you mean by toxic.

    I think every accusation deserves introspection. Personally, I wrote my whole family off as toxic, and while there’s some validity to the claim, I was also pretty toxic.

    It really comes down to whether you can coexist with their faults or not, bearing in mind you have faults that probably annoy them as well.

30. Honestly there wasent any void left. Cutting contact with them has been the best anxiety reducing treatment I’ve ever taken. My realy family are the 3 friends I’ve had for 20 years, and their families who all psudoadopted me.

31. LoL! What “void”? Never felt better. That would be like feeling bad for the cancer cut out of my body.