My girlfriend and I have been dating for 3 years and love each other very much. We were close friends in school and began dating soon after. We are quite open with each other and willing to communicate what we want, especially during sex. We are both each other’s first times so the first few times were naturally a little clumsy.
However, since then she has gotten a lot better but I still struggle to make her cum. We spend a lot of time on foreplay, which both of us like a lot and definitely makes sexy time to last longer. But I have been down there with my tongue and fingers for 40-50 minutes on end, doing everything to try and follow her instructions as closely as possible, asking for feedback throughout. But it just never happens. To make matters worse, I never last long during penetrative sex. During hjs and bjs I can last fine (\~15 min), but for some reason the moment she puts it in, the urge to cum is overwhelming and I rarely last more than a couple minutes, straining all the time. In the end, she usually ends up finishing herself off.
Despite all this, she insists that she enjoys our sex life because she is still turned on during the act and being in that state is more pleasurable than the orgasm itself. She also asks for penetrative sex despite knowing the likely outcome, and for those few minutes I can see she clearly enjoys it. I just wish I could make it last longer. Or knew how to make her cum by any other means. But I’m the kind of guy who is turned out by the thought of being able to turn my partner on. So I can’t help but feel inadequate when I can’t make the girl I love orgasm. Is this normal? Is she just really hard to get to orgasm? What can I do to improve?
TL;DR: I can’t make my girlfriend cum and I don’t last long enough in bed. She says she still enjoys the experience and asks for it despite knowing the likely outcome, but I still feel terrible and want to improve. What can I do?
17 comments
I would suggest buying toys
Try some boner pills dude. No joke. For hims are cheap and effective. I don’t really have this issue you do but I bought some for the hell of it. Won’t stop you from cumming but will keep you hard enough to keep going anyways.
Some women can get off easily, others take time. Sometimes you need to be spontaneous and sexy let things flow. It’s good to keep communication open but sometimes it s a boner killer. But also toys! Get vibrator, use on her while doing oral. Bam.
you even trying to be better counts for a lot.
> I just wish I could make it last longer.
Does she control the movement during intercourse, or do you? If its her, you are never going to last long. Lasting longer during intercourse is all about controlling your movements to prevent yourself from going “over the edge” and cumming. Getting too close? Slow down or pause. Maybe even withdraw. You’ll never win or last very long if you let her control the movements. You could also try putting a condom on so that reduces the sensitivty for you. She’ll barely notice any difference but it might keep you happy.
You might want to remind yourself that the average couple is only having about 3-4 minutes of intercourse too.
> Is this normal? Is she just really hard to get to orgasm?
None of it sounds unusual.
Do you use sex toys? I highly recommend them. If you want to make her cum, some mechanical assistance will quite possibly give you the edge. Toys are fun friends, not competition 😉
You need to work on your stamina then, buddy. Stop masturbating and watching porn. Eat healthier. Work out more.
You’re young bro, of course you’re not gonna be a pro at it. What you need to do is have her give you a bj and cum (this is called pre gaming) and then eat her out until you’re ready to go again. (At 20 years old, you should be able to recharge quickly) it doesn’t matter if she cums or not while eating her out,this is just priming her for penetration. (Although ideally you wanna give her an orgasm or 2 during oral but it all feels good to her)
That first nut should help you last longer on the second round. Also look up female anatomy and stuff online so you have a better understanding of the female genitalia.
Practice makes perfect bro!
PS, always listen to your lady for feedback and don’t be shy asking what feels good for her. It’s a mutual experience for both of you. 😊
Is she able to cum on her own
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Tea for dong!!
Use a clit vibe on her while having penetrative sex
Practice. Seriously. It’s literally just a practice and experience thing. If you are listening to what she wants, then you’re doing it right. You just need to do it more!
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God, it’s nice to see something so sweet and wholesome on here, after 40 posts of abuse and SA
Buy the wand.
Let’s get the usual stuff out of the way. Is she on any medication? Particularly antidepressants? Is she stressed? Can she make herself orgasm with or without toys?
Assuming it’s none of those things, I think it’s just that you guys are young and haven’t figured it out yet. It may not be that you are doing anything wrong. She’s probably still nervous. I would believe her that she enjoys your sex life. A lot of women can’t orgasm during penetrative sex so don’t get hung up on that.
As for you lasting longer during sex, can’t you just try again after you cum (after your recovery time of course)?
Anyway, don’t take it personally when she can’t finish. Continue working with each other and communicating. You guys will figure it out. Good luck.
Become an oral master.
OP, so many men struggle with feeling of inadequacy in the bedroom. Props to you for looking into your insecurities and not denying them like even more men do. The great news is you are both still young. You will naturally build stamina and learn new tricks and she will naturally reach climax earlier and more regularly as she ages. My ex gf (25f) and I (26m) started dating in high school when she was 18 and I was 19. I could not make her cum on a consistent basis until last year brother. I think you are on the right track. Continue doing what your doing and always meet her emotional needs first. Most women aren’t looking for a stud to rock their world, try your best to trust her when she says she enjoys your sex life. If it doesn’t work in the end, it doesn’t work. But don’t let insecurity fester. Best wishes OP!
If you want to last longer there are multiple things you can do
-bust one the night before
-learn how to properly breath
-kegel exercises
-thicker condoms
-think about something else in the moment and distract yourself
-pace yourself
Also the more you worry about busting earlier the worse the problem gets. There’s so many things you can do, just do some research on the internet.