My girlfriend and I met about 2 and a half months ago. We spent a lot of time together the first month, and we were dating exclusively and everything felt so right that I asked to make it official pretty quickly by today standards.
She is super sweet, beautiful, and super understanding.
However as the initial honeymoon phase has started to fade. I have started to notice that other than her being a great supportive partner, there isn’t much to her as a social individual outside of the connection that she has to me.
I don’t even know how to properly explain it but even though I ask her about her hobbies and her friends I feel like I never really see her interact with either.
The one time I met her friends it wasn’t for more than 15 minutes. She had been with them for a couple hours. but that was the first time she had seen her in almost 2 months.
I heavily influence what she is currently doing, without even trying to. She started taking classes for my mother language without me asking, started getting rid of an unhealthy habit I pointed out one time. And again. It just feel like there is a lacking sense of individuality when I see her.
She shares little about her ambitions and goals and I think she herself does not know them.
And most of the memes she shares are about relationships, Sex and dogs that she really likes. Nothing about her own sense of humor.
I don’t want my partners personality to be built so heavily around me. How can I go about figuring out her interests when what I have done so far hasn’t really showed any answers?
It feels weird because she is so great and supportive. But this lack of individuality feels like a reason for me to not want to pursue this long term, which is what she clearly wants.
5 comments
What exactly is the problem here? Are you looking for drama or looking for reasons to break up.
Just do her a favour and breakup immediately. There will be men who would love and value her as she deserves.
Not sure what you mean in the post but you may want to look for another place like relationship advice or the like.
Honestly sounds like she’s focused on self growth despite not her having strong goals. She’s learning a new thing and breaking a bad habit. That’s actually a really good thing. And maybe you just don’t think she’s funny? Lol like honestly maybe what entertains her doesn’t entertain you. That’s completely fine. Some people just don’t have strong personalities and are down to feed off your vibe. People like that are pretty chill imo!
You’ve only been with her like 2 months, you don’t live with her presumably… There’s still PLENTY you don’t know about her. Hell I’ve been married for years and am still learning things about my wife pretty regularly. It sounds like you are looking for justification to end things even though by all accounts she’s a great partner.
My wife is pretty anti social and doesn’t really have friends that she converses with regularly. Some people are just like that. You can’t immediately compare everyone to how things work for you
It’s not weird or a red flag that she has limited social interaction and friends.
I am in an open marriage. My husband and my other partner are the only people I interact with on a regular daily/weekly basis. I do not want platonic friendships. I spend a lot of time alone and not passionate about any hobbies. My therapist says I’m mentally and emotionally healthy.
Oh no…she’s losing her identity by learning your native tongue by stepping up to better communicate with you and potentially family. Come on, dude. This shows she’s invested into the relationship and building another bridge to relate to each other. Learning another language takes a lot of effort and practice—my heart would explode with love if someone did this for me.
It’s so, so healthy that she took your “criticism” as constructive feedback to better her life and acted on it! This is what confident and we’ll-adjusted adults do.
She sounds like she has great communication skills, has emotional intelligence and regulation, mature, and probably rational. These are fundamental things to have as a person to be a healthy partner.
Some people live in the moment (responsibility) and don’t like/want to plan years in advance. That is not always a negative, especially given your current relationship.
Why are you hung up on what memes she sends you…FFS, get a grip lol.
You’re trying to sabotage this relationship. She sounds lovely, mentally and emotionally stable. Are you in therapy?