Hi all!
This is a throwaway account for obvious reasons.
So here’s the thing, me and my bf met last year and started a relationship about 2months after we met (we are together for about 9 months).
For context, he is a good looking, rich and spoiled guy who was a cool kid in HS. Me, on the other hand, am an average insecure girl who has had some trauma in past relationships. Due to some life struggles (he took an heavy drug that led him to develop severe general anxiety in the past 8 years), he remained, involuntarily, a virgin until we met and up until that point, girls were somewhat very intimidating.
Moving forward.., I was attracted to him at first but ever since the beginning I started to feel disappointed:
– he didn’t respond to sexual inuendos,
– we never spent hours on the phone, conversation seemed to run dry shortly, he would tell me that needed to go to bed soon,
– his kisses were somewhat short,
– he didn’t compliment my appearance or seemed curious about my physical features, rather he would touch and be around me (almost in a very childish dependable manner) but without a drive that I would identify as sexual.
The first night we had sex, he didn’t have a full erection and he still wanted to keep going which was awkward to me. There wasn’t ever a tease, a seductive playfulness or so in these 9 months. I would expect these things from someone that is into me sexually.
A few days ago, I realized that he actually looses his erection when I get naked and/or never got physical aroused to my body. However, he gets aroused by watching point of view porn which I know now it is a very visually stimulating kind of porn.
Ofc we have talked about this billions of times. I have confronted him endlessly. He says that he may have some physiological issue but he has been to the doctors and everything seems fine. He says that may be performance anxiety. He says that he is attracted to me, that I am the whole package. Started to have anxiety over the fact that I could cheat on him. Cries a lot due to all of this. Still wants to keep having sex but for me everything seems forced and unnatural at this point. He has been to a psychologist and started to take antipsychotics because of how unstable he was. He desperately wants me to go to a sexologist due to my lack of sex drive (which I have and I have explained to him that it’s because I don’t feel desired and he cries saying ‘why I can’t I feel how much he desires me’). Seriously, I am getting crazy here…
My intuition says something that he refutes heavily. I don’t know what to do anymore. Thoughts? Am I being paranoid?
4 comments
He needs to discuss it with a urologist, maybe some viagra or cialis to get over perfmance anxiety for a bit.
It’s the anxiety. Or, maybe more with that “anxious attachment style”. Not sure if his drug was illicit, but medicinal marijuana, specifically indica, might help him. Other than that, make your encounters less performance-based. Expand the idea of “sex” to include things like bathing together, showering, sleeping naked while cuddling, massage, and explore together what FEELS GOOD, which doesn’t necessarily need to include an erection, though I bet if he becomes more comfortable with sensual play absent of performance, those erections will just start to appear on their own.
Yeah sounds like a mess!
Maybe he needs a cock ring to help stay hard.
The talking on phone unless it’s sex chat I get bored by girl chitchat so can’t say I blame him wanting to get off phone.
If you’ve spoken about it to death and nothing is helping to move forward then you might need to part ways and give each other space
Can I get a pic??? I need to know what you look like so I can better answer this.