My girlfriend can only orgasm when her legs are together. She needs to tense the hip adductor muscles on the inside of her thigh quite hard in order to cum. This means that she has never cum from sex (penetrative or oral) and I’m not really sure how to proceed. When we have sex she has tried using a vibrator or playing with herself whilst I’m thrusting but when her legs are open her clitoris is hypersensitive and gets overstimulated. This is obviously a problem if I am to eat her out.
I think that she has trained herself to only be able to cum in this way. She told me that since she’s been doing it this way (legs ram-rod straight and tense as a board) since she was a child and anything else just doesn’t bring her to orgasm. She does enjoy the sex a lot and after each time that we have sex she’s screaming, her whole body is shaking and I can feel her vagina contracting but I would really like to be able to give her an orgasm. Is there any way that she can train herself to masturbate with her legs more open or failing that, any specific positions to try where her legs are closed and her clitoris can be stimulated? We’ve tried the prone bone position a few times but I guess it’s too awkward for her to rub her clit when she’s lying on her stomach. I bought a LELO Tiani vibrator that we’ll try the next time we have sex which should hopefully remove this issue.
A final note: we are both each other’s firsts and so are just as inexperienced as the other. Any advice would be much appreciated. I am at my wits’ end.
7 comments
Try prone bone. She can clamp her legs in that postion
So what she’s doing is called syntribation. I used do squeeze pillows to make myself orgasm which is similar to what she does, so I can speak from experience.
>Is there any way that she can train herself to masturbate with her legs more open or failing that, any specific positions to try where her legs are closed and her clitoris can be stimulated?
Speaking from experience, she may not orgasm during sex until she can make her sexual response more flexible. Don’t make orgasm your explicit goal because it will put her in the wrong headspace.
Here’s what I did to stop squeezing my legs. I added a vibrator between my legs and tried to orgasm with the pillow + squeezing + vibe. Then once I could do that, I started opening my legs a tiny bit when 95% of the way to orgasm. Then opening my legs more and more. Eventually I stopped using the pillow and just used leg tension + vibe. Eventually I could orgasm from oral sex. This process took a few months.
I want you to be realistic about what you think you can achieve here. This is a “problem” that’s not within your power to fix. Try to focus on pleasure and if she asks, you can share my steps with her. It’s really on her to decide to work on this.
Is it possible her pelvic floor muscles are tight? This can be linked to needing to hold other muscles tense to orgasm. A women’s health physio would be able to help
WeVibe works pretty good in prone bone. I can get the magic wand to work in that position too.
I was just like your girlfriend. I enjoyed sex and found it pleasurable but couldn’t come unless I did it that way to myself. But with time, that changed. Tried sex in different positions, different rythms etc and my body adjusted. Fingering worked first, then PinV started to work as well.
My biggest advice is psychological. As someone else said, enjoy each other, enjoy sex, and don’t make it about orgasming, as putting too much pressure on that can psych you both out and make it harder to come. If she doesn’t come during the sex, be with her and let her come her way. I’m sure as you both learn and experiment with each other it’ll happen.
Lay on your back and have her lay on her back on top of you!!! Essentially get into reverse cowgirl then she lays back. Can tense legs this way. This is the easiest way for myself, I totally get it.
My (65m) wife (67f) is the same way. She told me so from the start, so I just accepted it. She loves PIV but can’t cum from it, she regards it as foreplay for her. So we do PIV until I cum, and then she lays on her back with her legs clenched and I rub her clit to orgasm. We’ve been doing it this way for 20 years now and are both very satisfied.
It’s only a problem if you think it is 🙂