I am already in 30s, married and have two kids but still have very reserved personality. Previously I had time to socialize but was too afraid. Nowadays, I don’t get time due to office work, continuous fights with wife and also spending time with kids.
When I have a time, I just check whatsapp, instagram status and see how they are enjoying and here is I who is stuck in this married life and don’t see any way where I can improvise myself on social kills.
Separately wherevery I try to join the friends group, these people have discussion for which I don’t have any ideas. e.g. tv series, books, animes, factory production related discussion, etc. I don’t understand how people can have so much idea while I am hear struggling to even speak or contribute even minor part of discussion. If this goes on, I am afraid that I will be left behind.
2 comments
I feel it’s better to develop one’s interests and finding people who matches with you.
If you have severe social anxiety like I did, this will help:
Visualize a fountain of love above the person you’re going to talk to’s head, and imagine the words you say are going to cause this fountain of love to pour on them. Rather than focus on the fear that rises in your chest of “oh no, how are they going to respond” focus on the fountain of love over their head.
Memorize:
-where are you from?
-where did you grow up?
-what do you like to do for fun?
-what type of movies/tv shows/books/music do you like
-what have you been up to
additionally memorize:
-what’s been the best part of your day so far
-what’s been the worst part of your day so far
-what’d you have for breakfast/dinner
(You can use the last 4 everyday.)
Treat additional questions as a chance to be creative. You can monkey branch off of memorized questions and brainstorm up new questions in relation to those.
Contribute information about yourself as well.
——–
(The reason you use memorized questions is because you don’t want to spend a bunch of energy figuring out what to say – you want to have questions ready to fire off.
If you have mixed feelings about the phoniness or insincerity of using memorized questions, realize the fact you care how the other person will respond means the questions aren’t insincere.)
Treat everyone as a friend, and don’t put them on a pedestal.