I have been dating a guy since Easter (3.5 months now). It started really well, we want the same things in life, have lots of things in common, enjoy each others company, etc etc. Honestly I thought wow I didn’t know I would meet someone this great. He told me was looking for the one, he didn’t seem afraid of commitment at all and he made me feel safe in his interest for me and I didn’t feel anxious at all about him replying nor did I question whether he liked me, he made it very clear he did and said he wanted a future with me, he missed me, he felt really comfortable around me etc etc all good things. The only negative was I felt like I always had to initiate plans. I told him I would like to see him once a week, he seemed like he thought that was a great idea. He hinted that he wanted to be exclusive after a month or so, but after no proper conversation 2 months in I asked him if he wanted to be exclusive, he said yes but he seemed reluctant especially as he had already hinted at it (told me he wasn’t talking to anyone else and doesn’t understand how his friends do that and then asked me “you’re not dating anyone else are you?”). So after that it started to deteriorate a little and he started taking a few days to reply to me, still not initiating plans and just seemed to be making a lot less effort. June was his year end at work so he has been extremely busy trying to meet targets, but in my head if you really like someone even just a goodnight text when you’re busy is nothing? Also when I suggested we meet he just asked me over to his flat and also told me to bring my own dinner (I am vegan so I imagine that plays a part). I spoke to him and said like what’s going on if you’re not interested in me let’s just end it here, he said no no it’s not that I really like you etc etc I’ve just been really busy and tbh I have found things a bit intense you saying you want to see me once a week and wanting to be exclusive. I have taken a step back so I’ve not initiated any plans and said let’s not be exclusive anymore and have been dating other people. It has taken a lot of my anxiety away about whether he likes me, which is great, but he’s still not putting in much effort to text me everyday or go on dates. His lack of effort is making me lose interest in him, should I tell him what I want from him or just end it? Or are my standards unreasonable?
TL;DR – should I try and communicate what I want from this guy who seemed really great, end it, or adjust my standards?
2 comments
Oh also we live 1 hour away from each other and he works weekends whereas I don’t, so we haven’t been able to spend a long time together. I have also thought maybe putting a pause on intimacy might help us use our time together better to establish more of a connection, but I’m not sure!
I have two adult sons that live with my wife and I. My oldest has been dating his girlfriend since the start of the year. She lives a little over an hour away. And yet, they see each other every weekend, often spending the entire weekend together (usually at her place, sometimes here at home). She has significant dietary restrictions (allergies) and he more than happily makes sure they work around them together, even going to far as to avoid foods he likes simply because they have her allergen in them. To me, that’s how a “honeymoon phase” of a relationship should be.
You don’t sound like you’ve every truly had that. If he won’t put in the effort to see you regularly or even communicate, then it’s only natural to question whether or not he actually likes you. There’s a reason why the phrase “actions speak louder than words” exists. His actions don’t match his words. If I were in your shoes, I probably would have ended the relationship already.