Okay, here’s some background information. Me (22F) and my boyfriend (27M) have been together for around 8 months now and he makes me so happy, I couldn’t ask for anything better in a person. However, we are long distance. This has caused a internal struggle on my part to be completely and utterly faithful to him and not even look at another guy as I have really bad commitment issues due to struggles with my self worth.
Recently, I have discovered I have some feelings for another guy (25M). I do not know if it’s love or just attraction but it’s been a little over a year since I discovered them. I had pushed them away and buried them initially and it had not been a problem as he did not really talk to or hang out around me. However, recently, he has been interacting with me more. Talking, texting a little, laughing with me at some stupid joke that happened between us. I realize that this is basic human attraction, and this idea I have of him is my perfect little fantasy, but I don’t know how to stop thinking of him.
I can’t avoid him. Even though that initially would be a viable option, I can’t just avoid him out of the blue. I don’t want to be rude. I can’t just stop talking to him, because that would come off as rude as well. I’ve tried spending time with my boyfriend but with a busy schedule it’s hard to find that quality time. I’m constantly being pushed and pulled to or from somewhere. And, even worse, most of the time he is where I am and that causes us to interact even more.
I don’t start conversations, I’ve long since stopped. I don’t look at him on purpose, but my eyes keep wandering towards him. I try and try and try to distract myself and keep myself from thinking about him but all has failed. I’ve pointed out his flaws to myself, how rude he can be sometimes and how absolutely infuriating he can be to me, though I think he does it on purpose. I can not confront him with my feelings because I am almost very sure he does not feel the same.
I love my boyfriend so much, we agree on a lot, we talk things out, and our communication is strong. However, being long distance, there are some places he can not feel and I think that’s what’s causing this. I don’t want to this about this other guy as I do, and I don’t want to see him romantically, however my brain keeps fantasizing. How do I stop this? Please help, I love my boyfriend so much and don’t want to lose him over stupid matters of my wandering heart. Please help!
Tl;dr – I, (22F), love my long distance boyfriend, (27M), so much. We have been together for 8 months and he makes me so happy. However, due to multiple factors, I keep thinking about another guy who I see almost daily and consistently interact with. I’ve tried to stop multiple ways but I just can’t. I need a way to stop thinking about this other guy once and for all.
2 comments
It sounds like you are craving to have a relationship where you can physically be near them and have that quality time. There’s nothing wrong with what you’re feeling. It’s perfectly natural to want more from a relationship and that doesn’t mean that your boyfriend is a bad partner or that you’re a bad person for wanting more. Long distance is really hard. In my opinion this might just be an incompatibility/timing issue. I personally don’t think it’s fair to beat yourself up about having those thoughts and feelings. Have the tough conversation with your boyfriend about the frustrations you’re having. He might be on the same page! You don’t have to mention the sexual feelings of this other guy. Cause to me, that’s not the real issue. It’s the neglect you’re feeling and the needs you have that aren’t being met.
If you’re going to go that route at least communicate to your bf how you’re feeling about distance. I wouldn’t advise trying to “trade up” as that’s a dangerous path to follow, especially when you say you love him so much. Maybe what you need is some reassurance? Ask yourself if short term happiness or comfort is worth potentially sacrificing a life/future with your partner down the line.
If I’m you, I’m clear to this other person that you have a bf and have no interest in further discussion outside of what’s absolutely necessary (not sure what the exact context is but you should know what that means). If THEY really care about you, they’ll respect your boundaries on that. If they don’t, I don’t know them but to me they sound like they’d be bound to do the same thing to you and you’d be left to pick up the pieces, alone.