Hi everyone, sorry for the blank account. Haven’t used it in a while but alas, I am back to ask for some bdsm advice. I (18f) met this guy (28m) not too long ago and we clicked fairly well. The one issue is that we met online and our first conversation was about sex. We proceeded to tell each other about our kinks and darkness confessions, me thinking nothing would come from it. Little did I know we would soon talk about a d/s relationship between us.
When it comes to sex we get along great but anything past that is awkward. Sex seems to be the only thing he wants to talk about even though he says that he cares about me outside of our sexual relationship. he has given me no reason to believe that and is still pretty closed off about his life, while I’m very open about mine. What do you guys think? Do you see any red flags? I’m new to bdsm and would appreciate any advice you have.
TL;DR: My “caring” dom only wants to talk about sex and is closed off about his personal life
5 comments
He’s 28 and you’re 18. He only values you as a sex object, I have no doubt that he doesn’t view you as an equal.
Yeah, definitely not cool on his part. If he simply wants a FWB partner and a BDSM dynamic, he needs to be upfront and communicative with you about that. However, discussing sex too soon is a giant red flag; it removes the potential for genuine intimacy and instead exposes his true end goal. I won’t lecture you about the age gap seeing as I’m a total stranger but be safe! It’s a tad unsettling that he so freely dove into a talk about BDSM with someone 10 years younger than him (and during your very first chat). It seems you want something more out of this relationship and I’m not certain this guy is ever going to be on the same page. You deserve more.
Best to find someone who will actually want to see you as a person then an object…cause if he only talks about sex and cuts you off from his personal life. That should be major redflags 🙁 like…MAJOR.
i dont see red flags. you guys are having sex, nothing wrong with that.
now are you implying you want a different kind of relationship? because id advise against that with somebody 10 years older. sex is fine, just dont make your life about him…
He’s 10 years older than you. As someone who’s been there, he’s definitely only using you for sex. He’s a creep and you should date men around your own age.