Basically, after graduating HS, one of my best friends \[Person A\] for the past 3-4 yrs is deliberately ignoring me via text/message. There isn’t anything I’m particularly aware of doing that may have made her angry, so I want to know why/if she is mad at me.
However, I’m also aware that Person A can be pretty aversive to these types of questions. In the past, when she has gotten mad at other people, she is known for either a) lying to them straight-up and saying no and b) purposefully leaving them on-read and physically avoiding them. Instead, she’ll just leave those people out of conversations, group-meetings, etc. I’m worried that asking might not be effective at all and that I’ll just be left out.
One of my other best friends \[our mutual best friend – let’s call her Person B\] is talking to me normally and is wanting to hang out together over the summer. It’s strange because Person A and Person B are pretty close, and Person A would definitely tell Person B if I did something wrong. Person B would also treat the people that Person A was mad at very aversively and actively avoid them. However, Person B and I are still really close friends, and she still actively reaches out to me.
How do I interpret this situation, and what should I do?
2 comments
Accept that A is avoidant and live your life
I’m assuming all parties here are female; correct me if I’m wrong.
Person A is using a common female bullying strategy, which is often used to socially punish other women (and sometimes other men.) Yes, you probably did something that made her angry, and she’s held the grudge for years. Person B probably isn’t avoiding you like she would with other people “blacklisted” by person A because person B probably thinks the reason for your exclusion is dumb. Person B probably values you as a friend.
If person B isn’t affected by person A, I’d just write person A off. If she has a pattern of doing this regularly, she’s not going to be the kind of person you want in your social circle anyway.