I don’t know if I’m phrasing this right, I have friends, I like to be around them and appreciate being around them, we just never hangout outside of school. It makes me feel really lonely sometimes… and the few times we do it’s usually just really awkward and just mediocre, like im not sad I didn’t go, but it wasn’t all that fun.
My family sometimes probes about how that I’m not social enough, I’m just so nervous to reach out to people. Like over a week long break that’s happening right now i feel so, like guilty I guess? Like I should be hanging out with people and doing things instead of just sitting in my room scrolling Reddit and relaxing.
Like yesterday I reached out to a friend and asked if they wanted to hang out (which took days of self motivating) they said yes, and said let’s play tennis and meet up. They then said their parents hate when people come over and they didn’t wanna go to my house cause their parents don’t like it when they go to other peoples houses… weird but okay they either have helicopter parents or they felt to bad to just say no. So I said it’s fine we can play tennis another time.
And now I feel pathetic cause I feel like I should be doing something more than sitting and hanging out with my parents for a whole week… aughhhh sorry I think I’m just ranting. I always back out of social situations, like on my birthday I didn’t have anyone over because it would have been embarrassing how few people I would have invited. I didn’t want my friends to know how few friends I have, writing this out I just feel pathetic.
And I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, I’ve played sports all my life but I’ve always had trouble making friends, I’ve always been the quiet one, I’m there, I’m friendly when people talk to me, smiling and laughing, but When the coaches say grab a partner I’m always left awkwardly standing there waiting to see if there’s and odd number of us and join in last second to tag along and make a group of 3. This is stupid. Ah. Anyway any advice…