I (F21) just moved to a new building and I met my neighbor (M42) while we were both walking our dogs outside. The first day he invited me up to his place for a drink. I don’t really drink often and was skeptical so I didn’t finish the first drink. So he asked me why I wasn’t drinking more which was a little red flag to me. He then tells me that he can hook me up in the real estate field and introduce me to people. Just offering a lot of things which I didn’t take him up on any. Then he wanted a hug which I declined. I said that I don’t like older men. Then I left.

After we’ve only seen each other because I would randomly see him outside sitting with his dog. So I’d make conversation. But then he said when I was leaving to reach out to him if I wanted company. “Don’t be shy” he said. So I just asked the next day if he would like to go outside for a smoke because we both smoke (Me weed, him cigars). When I go outside, he started asking me about my past relationships and tells me he was in a relationship with two woman at the same time last December. And he is an artist btw. So he shows me portraits he painted/drawn of naked woman. Then he proceeds to say that he was invited to an Orgy but he is just going to go and watch. Then he throws a bomb and says that he wants to see me naked.

At this point I’m a little overwhelmed because honestly I was just looking for a friend. And I said I’m not looking for casual sex or a relationship. And he goes in to say that he’s not either. That the last girls he dated were gold diggers and he is not a sugar daddy etc. And at this point I’m confused because I never asked him for anything honestly. The whole time he is wearing shades and it’s night time and it felt like he was deliberately trying to hide his eyes. I stayed silent for a long time cause that was a lot to take in. Then he just grabs his things and says he’ll see me around and I just said you too and left. Ever since he has avoided me, left when he seen me coming.

What can I make of this situation? I genuinely want a happy stable monogamous relationship. And he is interesting, handsome. I don’t really like the age gap but I feel like if he didn’t approach things in the way he did I would be more open. Should I just leave it alone and continue to not contact him? Or should I go back and talk about it? Cause at the time I didn’t really say how I felt about things. I am curious about the orgy but overall I want an actual relationship.

Also for context he is moving out of my building in 10 days to a building like 5 min away. And I still don’t really know anyone I’m this area.

26 comments

  1. This is giving me intense creep vibes. My gut is churning and I feel legit scared for you.

    Lots of this says he wants just casual sex. Which you don’t want. And the other thing is that he doesn’t respect your boundaries. You told him you weren’t interested and he keeps on hitting on you very directly and very sexually. He doesn’t respect your words and boundaries – that is a red flag for abuse.

    This age gap is a risk factor for abuse too. As is you being very naive. If you continue along this path I think abuse / sexual transgression is quite likely.

  5. Girl, you DO NOT go for a drink or anything into a neighbors house or even a date until you god damn know them for some time. Why are you people so clueless. You go find someone your age and don’t get hurt by some creep

  6. Don’t fall for the handsome artist vibe. He’s predatory, creepy, and not in it for your best interests. Avoid and don’t look back.

    Edit: thank you for the award!! 💕

  9. You’re looking for a friend? Why him???

    And…are you considering dating him too?

    What is going on in your head?

  10. Hang in there, don’t settle, stick with your intuition; sounds like your spot
    on recognizing the screwiness here.

  11. he’s 42, and he invited you up the first time you met is a red flag. i kinda stopped reading there.

  12. All aspects of his interactions with you so far have been red flags tbh. Don’t go near this dude, and be wary of any further attempts on his part to get you alone.

  14. >Ever since he has avoided me, left when he seen me coming.

    So he has backed off. He was definitely hitting on you and then it seems like he backed off after you told him:

    >I’m not looking for casual sex or a relationship.

    So to his credit he respected your wishes and probably realized he was coming off like a bit of a creep.

  15. He’s coming on really strong which gives me creeper vibes. Be sure he doesn’t make you a drink in another room

  16. Why is a 42 year old interested in seeing a 21 year old naked? That in itself is a major redflag. If you want a healthy monogamous relationship, why do you expect a man old enough to be your dad who bragged about seeing 2 women at the same time and going to orgys to be a healthy stable partner? Run for your life, girl!!

  17. This sets a bad example but is interesting

    On the apps, people run at the whiff of a red flag

    But it looks like irl, you can have as many red flags as you want as long as they’re seeing you everyday.

    She started off running away then because he was in her living space everyday, she started warming up to him and then now thinks she’s handsome

  19. Focus on your job, school, gym, dog, rolling better, he’s throwing out things to see if your loose and open. You will find men elsewhere, this person is looking to just have “fun” with you.

  21. An older guy came on to you, and you’re looking problems with him. Don’t even bother. You’re not interested (because of his age), you’re not interested. He’s moving anyways. Don’t exchange contact info or anything like that.

  22. I am afraid both OP and the man in question both walking red flags.

    Both as flaggy as each other (sorry OP not trying to be harsh).

    Perhaps read this post as if you didn’t write it and a friend wrote it and imagine what you would think?

  23. He sounds gross, creepy, and not at all stable or monogamous. When the right person enters your life you will have no need to ask Reddit about it

  24. He’s a creep. Your gut instinct is telling you something is not rite about him and that’s because he is a weirdo. My advice is just ignore him when you see him. Say hello then keep it moving.

  25. Red flags:

    * Age gap
    * Pressuring you to drink
    * First hang out centered around drinking
    * Offering you gifts/opportunities to make hanging out seem worth it
    * Bragging about sexual exploits out of nowhere
    * Sexual harassment/asking to see you nude
    * Using “I’m an artist” as a cover up for being a creep
    * Setting up his past relationships as being toxic for sympathy
    * Passive-aggressive/avoiding you

    Literally *every* single thing you described here is a red flag.

  26. Don’t contact him, this will go bad if you wanna pursue a relationship with him.

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