31 here and my life has declined bit by bit since childhood. Bought into the things will get better and never did, curious for those who had shitty lives at what age did it begin improving and continue so?

45 comments

  1. I wouldn’t say mine has improved (25) but I started going to therapy after I almost fell victim to suicidal thoughts.

  2. About 26. That’s about the time I stopped waiting for things to get better and started being more proactive in doing the good things.

  3. When I realized that, for the most part, I control my life and how “good” it is.

  4. I don’t think age has much to do with it, but things are always capable of improving. I made a plan to die, and my best friend told me to wait it out, so I made a deal with him that I’d wait 6 years and if it hadn’t improved, I’d do it. By then I had gotten out of my bad family situation, started making some decent money and met the girl I ended up marrying.

  7. It should have improved a few years ago when my abusive narcissistic brother moved out, but it really hasn’t improved all that much

    No matter what happens, wherever you go, there you are. Just a sickened ball of rage and anger. The wounds never heal, which is why there’s no point in ever trying to change anything.

  9. It only got better when I made it better, and it got worse when I stopped making it better. Age has nothing to do with it. You can be a wretch your entire life if you don’t work towards the outcome you desire.

  10. It’s been getting better and better as it goes. I just keep working on improving and things kind of eventually fall into place. Just remember that progress isn’t linear and life is what you make it. A year ago I was homeless with covid living in my car at one of my lowest points, and now I’m the happiest I’ve ever been and living an amazing life. Hang in there bro – keep pushing.

  11. My life began to improve considerably after high school graduation, when I moved out. I was broke most of the time at first but I proved my suspicion that I was better at making household decisions than my Mom.

    From that point, I see a general upward trend.

  12. Late 20s then downhill again early 30s. Much better by mid 30s and ever since. Don’t give up dude life can change for the better in an instant.

  13. At 23. Life started getting better once I moved out of my dads and have since been on my own. Never really had a “bad” life per se but from age 15 until 23 was rough.

  14. Honestly, up until around the age of 22, I’m 25 now. It took a huge effort to change it, and it still certainly can be better, but I’m super optimistic about my future. I’m just establishing myself in a career I love and becoming more socially capable with every passing month. Soon I’ll have more time and money and I can’t wait.

  16. 29 going on 30. They say life doesn’t even begin until that point–especially if you’re a man.

  18. i just turned 24 and it was badddd at 19, id say around 23 it started to get better, but its not the end. small wins

  19. I was 30 when life came crashing down when i broke up with my gf of 9 years when i caught her cheating in the act in our appartement. I’ve learned the hard way that life seldom goes the way you envisioned. You just have to live day by day, learning from the past, to make your future life more better and secure than before.

    It takes a while to process life changing stuff, but I’m 33 next month, enjoying my life as it goes. The single life has it’s merits (the freedom), but the grass is always greener on the other side (I miss the profound connection with someone who I want to share everything with)

  20. My life seems to turn around for the better when my back is against the wall and I’m forced to fight to improve the situation. I’ve done stupid things and wasted opportunities but when I focus to make a change for the better and put in the hard work it pays off and is worth it.

  21. The day I got real and stopped blaming my past and everyone else for my decisions.

    From homeless to rather successful in most things.
    And ya. Gotta drop the drugs , toxic sexy woman who are great in bed, and bar hopping if you want the best life

    That road your scared to take because it’s long and hard?
    There likely the best road. Worth it.

  22. I would say around 28. I left my hometown where I was comfortable and went to a big city where I knew nobody and that forced me to play all the hands I could. I made a really good effort out of it. And this might sound crazy but I started doing acid around that time, maybe twice a year, and it helped me notice the things I hated about myself and that’s another way I was able to pull myself out of debt and made me workout and diet better.

  24. At around 14 when I realized if I didn’t constantly learn, move, grow, and hustle no one was going to do it for me. Been employed ever since, got a degree, found my niche and became an expert in something and Jack of all trades and master of a few. Also always keep a few side hustles going too.

  26. 25 is when things started to smooth out a bit. It definitely has its ups and downs…but for the most part I think things are heading in a better direction.

  27. 40.

    Childhood was actually decent if I look back. Late teens were…angst and all that. I was in a black hole from my early 20s to late 30s. I literally could not tell you a news headline, music fad, anything really about the goings-on of the world from 2003 to around 2017. Not even what was going on economically, politically, or socially. Depression, anxiety, and just trying to survive was just….too strong.

    It wasn’t until I got to 40 after getting screwed over by everyone I thought was a friend or family until I was finally able to stand up and not crawl. Finally found people who gave a shit and were actually in my corner and not trying to further themselves.

    I’m actually able to say that I am able to at least relax enough to finally find….me….again. I don’t know if I’ll ever be “happy” or even content at this point, but I can say I’m happier than I have been In 15 years.

  28. I was like this until about 25. Grew up in a rough household that made you think you wouldn’t become anything. Then I decided to make my life mine after seeing what jobs I could get. First thing I wanted was a successful career. I spent every day studying and hands-on practicing. I got my first IT job quickly afterwards and continued studying and practicing. Moved up within a few years at that job and hit a wall. Moved and got a new job with a higher ceiling. Continued moving up until I couldn’t anymore, and by then I was the person people went to for any networking or server work.

    As for a love life, that just fell into place without me trying. Found somebody supportive and had the same ideology on life I did and married them. Had a long 10+ years of marriage.

    We divorced during COVID, and now I’m at a place where I’m basically starting over again for the love life. I think I’m going to play the same playbook and jump into the hobbies/activities. Maybe I’ll bowl a 300 or something soon. The dating apps don’t seem to work for me.

  29. 33 when I met my soon to be wife and 35 when I had my first kid.

    It was then I realized and understood that life isn’t about me and what I want.

    Life, for me, got better when I was responsible for other people.

    And I haven’t looked back.

    OP, I hope you find your reason.

  31. My right now, my early 30s. I feel like I’ve been playing catchup a while now. I’m lacking some social skills because 1. I’m very mildly autistic. 2. I didn’t socialize most of my 20s.

  32. 21
    Realized I wasn’t a man
    My life still sucks but at least I’ll have tits!

  34. 30&31
    Finally was so mentally broken I went & got help, got put on medicine and quit drinking and it was everything I needed & changed my life. I am quitting drinking again as I’m an alcoholic and can’t but even my worst days are better that my best in the previous 14 yrs.

  35. 28. That’s when is started to find friends who I had common interests with – instead of a bunch of drinking buddies.

  36. When I stopped running/hiding/escaping from myself. In a nutshell, I had to figure out how to love myself (which is crazy hard for me to do).

    This wasn’t just tied to a specific age (e.g., when I turned X years old), a specific habit (e.g., when I stopped drinking alcohol), nor support (e.g., when I started going to therapy). Rather, I had to come to grips that I had plenty of bad shit bottled up from my previous experiences (some I didn’t even know I had) and I had to find a way to process it and move past it. Therapy was a big help in this regard.

    The purpose of therapy isn’t for the therapist to fix my problems. Rather, a therapist is there to help me better understand my problems so I can figure out how to solve them. They are *my* problems, so *I* have to be the one to solve them.

    I had to get down to the root cause (or causes) of my unhappiness and process it (including forgiveness for myself and others). During this process I also developed (more accurately, adopted) a set of rules (gospel according to r/ryans01) for living life. Basically,

    1. No more zero-days (i.e., every day move towards a goal you have for yourself)
    2. Be grateful to the three “yous” + do them favors
    3. Forgive yourself
    4. Self-improvement, exercise, and books.

    It’s not easy for any of us out here. Discipline (i.e., doing what needs to be done regardless of how good or bad it feels in the moment) and long-term focus (i.e., grit and growth mindset) was how I got on to an upward trajectory (and keep moving upwards).

    There are no quick nor easy fixes. In the words of Andy Dufresne (The Shawshank Redemption), “Get busy living, or get busy dying.” I chose living.

  38. 23 and clock still ticks. Death of loved ones, homelessness and loneliness I must give props to the hardened individuals that keep a smile on their face and stay optimistic throughout this bullshit.

  40. Honestly once I realized all that shit was fake to make you feel better about your situation.

    Life sucks. It’s not just you. It sucks for everyone else too.

    Not necessarily saying that to you but when I started living by that instead of comparing my position to others. My life slowly but surely got better.

  42. Hmmm for me it came in stages, like mid 20’s I started figuring out who I was as a person which helped me mental health some. But wasn’t till now in my early 30’s I’ve gotten ahead of my mental issues and starting to take charge of my finances. I do think their are a lot of dips before you’re realizing it can get better.

  43. I’m 37, it turned around when I made my physical well being my main focus. Stopped drinking and making sure to get enough vitamins and sleep is making wonders

  44. After I met my BFF. She stopped me from suicide and after that I started to see life from a different perspective. It happened when I was 29-30, now I’m 42. Things aren’t always good but it’s better if you have someone in your life.

  45. At 23. I ran out from my abusive ex, went to therapy. Took me 2 years to build my dreamed life wouldn’t change it for anything in this world

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