So I’ve been talking to this guy for a couple of months now. We text everyday and hang out all the time. He’s 29 and I’m 19.
Problem is that he is in a relationship and it’s long distance, but recently he told me that he wants to be friends with benefits and I told him that I was confused. I said we should just be friends and he didn’t want to accept that decision, I don’t want to accept it either because we both want to keep seeing each other and it’s like we drive eachother crazy when we’re not around eachother. But we both know the problem is that he is in a relationship, and I know that if we choose to be FWB I’m just going to end up getting hurt and develop deeper feelings. And he knows that but he still wants to keep trying his current relationship even though he is unsure about it himself. It is just so hard for me to make a decision. What should I do?
1 comment
You’re confusing sexual attraction with romantic attraction.
Listen, the guy might be crazy for you, but it is mostly a sexual attraction. If he would be in love with you or crush on you or however you wanna call it he would it end it with his current relationship first.
But, he chooses that girl for the relationship/stays with her. And, he would also like to sleep with you.
Of course it will hurt you. Women often start to truly desire a man once they slept with him. That’s when the feelings really start to kick in.
Guys are not like girls, so don’t even try to assume you know what he feels. Unlike girls, guys do not have to be very attracted or romantically excited about a girl to fantasize about sex with her. Some girls are like that as well, but nowhere nears as many. Im a guy and I can give you a simple tool to understand what exactly a guy sees in you:
When a man wants to commit to you, wants to get closer to you, makes it obvious that he enjoys spending time with you, doesnt want to share you, explains when challenged or on his own that he is not seeing other women and doesnt want you to meet other guys. Men will mostly wait for the woman to initiate the ‘what are we’ conversation, but once it comes up he will not be shy to tell you and show you that does not only see fwb or situationship or fuckbuddy in you.
That’s when you know that a man is in love with you.
Whenever a man does not want to commit or tells you that he RN cannot commit for this and all those reason, then it means this:
He wants to fuck you but he isn’t attracted enough to want to commit to you.
If it’s just some action and fun for you….go for it and sleep with him.
But, if what you say is true and you really like him, then you would make a bad mistake sleeping with him. It would hurt you a lot more and it would take months or even a year or two to get over it and over him. One problem that women often have is that they cannot help but to believe:
‘Surely what we have is special, he will surely come around, the chemistry between us is so strong’. And, this boils down to the difficulty we have to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes. As I said, women often struggle to differentiate between men’s romantic attraction and mostly or purely sexual attraction. And, initially it will be hard to see the difference.
Men that (only) wanna fuck will be nice, friendly, romantic, give attention, laugh with you, interact often. If a man fantasizes about sex with a girl, then it will motivate him a lot. He will wait weeks and months and be very pleasant and sweet. But, if a man basically tells you: ‘I realy like you but I choose her over you and I have to stay with my gf’, then he isn’t as attracted as you think.
Also: He is willing to cheat on his gf. You would be naive to expect a different treatment. So, even if he would choose you and leave her, don’t assume that he wouldn’t want to fuck other girls while seeing you.
Don’t be foolish now, you will only hurt yourself and you will accumulate baggage. 2 or 3 of such men that you see major red flags in but you still engage and still fuck them and after 5 to 10 years and 2 to 5 such men, you have so much baggage that you are guarded, you dislike and distrust most men, you are insecure, sad, too many times your heart was broken. But, you saw all the warning signs and still made those choices.
Ill tell you what I always tell men as well:
Go for men (or girls) that really want you and choose you.