Kinda venting out of frustration. For context, most of my days are spent in the gym, at work, or training martial arts with very little time for myself. By the time I get home on the week it is already 930-10PM so I need to skip training if I want to go out, and it makes me feel guilty so I try not to do it too often.
I tried OLD and paid for some premium subs. Got a good amount of matches but they never went anywhere. Went on one date with a cute girl, I liked her, she agreed to a second date over the phone then unmatched me. Matched with 20 more girls over 2 weeks on Hinge/Bumble, almost had a ONS, but again, never went anywhere. I’m relatively average looking but very fit and have a good job, and I’ve been doing the whole ‘work on yourself’ thing for years now. I leave my hair short, I dress nice when I go out to bars/events, I wear deodorant and cologne, I have a car, I have a nice apartment, I have hobbies, I know how to fight and defend myself which always makes me feel confident, I am good at talking to people and asking open-ended questions, I am not embarrassed by who I am and am very expressive during conversation with hand gestures/expressions/how I project my voice, etc.
I’m giving up on OLD and signed up on Meetups and went to like 5 different events so far. Most of them are sausage fests or the women are too old. I went to one yesterday and the girl that ghosted me was there (it was at a tech meetup) and I just wanted to fucking jump off a bridge. I accidentally walked in on a group with her when I was walking around and when we realized who each of us were we looked away and it was awkward as fuck and ruined the rest of my night. I was going to leave without saying anything but nutted up at the end I went up to her and apologized for making that awkward and told her no hard feelings since we’ll likely see each other again. I don’t know what I apologized for but I really just wanted to break the ice and I didn’t want it to get in the way of enjoying the next event.
So with OLD sucking donkey balls, Meetup having mostly older women, taken women, or the girl that ghosted me going to a lot of similar events which ends up killing the vibe, I don’t know what the fuck to do. I LOVE LOVE LOVE practicing MMA and am preparing for amateur fights, but it takes up so much of my spare time and makes it hard to meet people outside of the guys I train and spar with.
I’m just considering giving up for now and going 110% on my fighting practice and hoping somebody comes along the way. But man its rough. I’m actually very confident in who I am, what my hobbies are, and what my goals and visions are and I really want to share my life with somebody. Honestly, this was never a problem before I went out with this one girl and realized I was actually datable and attractive enough to have, looks and personality wise, my ideal girl actually want to go out on a date with me, even if it didn’t end up working out.
So what else is left for me?
33 comments
Nothing you can do man
This post gets posted 20 times a day at that
Either man up and learn how to go outside and Mack on some women or pay for women companionship lol
This is very normal and it’s probably nothing that you are doing wrong necessarily. Around two thirds of men in your age group are single versus only one third of women in the same age group ([source](https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/08/for-valentines-day-5-facts-about-single-americans/)). 3 in 10 young men aren’t getting any sex either. I wouldn’t feel bad about the situation since it’s pretty standard. I’d spend your 20’s building up your own value because it will pay dividends later in life. If you are in the US over 70% of men are overweight or obese, 70% make 80k or less annually etc… just not being overweight and earning a modest salary over 80k will put you in the top 30% of the top 30% and it will give you more dating options on the future. I’m in my early 30’s and most of the women I date are around your age…I also got zero attention from women at your age…just work on building yourself up.
Welcome to modern dating, men are shit out of luck unless they’re in the top 10%. It’s a women’s game now
Don’t worry, it gets worse as you get older.
You averaged 10 matches per week — well above the norm for men — but only gave it two weeks despite seeing an unusual amount of success, and have now concluded OLD is worthless? Not following your logic there chief.
OLD is great for busy people like you, and it works by connecting you to large numbers of people that you wouldn’t ordinarily meet. But you have to give it time for those numbers to add up and eventually connect you to someone worthwhile. Ghosting and matches that never go anywhere are pretty normal and don’t reflect anything on you personally. If you could land 10 matches per week on the apps then you’re leaving a perfectly viable option on the table just because you didn’t find success instantly.
I think you should just go concentrate on yourself. Don’t put your dedication which gives you a fulfilment second! Because you want a woman who either shares your dedication or does respect it and the time it is involved with it.
If you are training so much think about creating a social media channel about your material arts training etc… TikTok or Insta… and maybe you’ll find a girl who like what you are doing in your followers 😉
It doesn’t get easier. I’m in my 40s and its almost impossible to meet someone. Good luck.
Since you are into MMA and training something should popup for you soon with a girl.
Then ur meeting plenty of women. U get plenty of matches. But u need to work on is ur convo skills and personality.
Whatever it is it is not attractive to women.
I’m confused about why you think you’re failing. Sounds like you’ve been on a few dates and have a fulfilling single life with hobbies you enjoy. If I were you I’d keep doing what you’ve been doing. Keep going on dates and to meetups. You’re probably going to meet a lot more women that aren’t going to be a good fit before you start a relationship with someone.
Meeting women and then getting ghosted or having bad dates in general isn’t a failure. Being single isn’t failing. There’s a ton of women out there and you’ve been scratching the surface. Keep going with breaks as needed.
Have you considered meet ups related to your hobbies?
It’s going to be tough to date when so much of your time is taken by work and your hobby. What about finding someone who is also into martial arts and you could spend that time together?
keep going bro, read some Stoicism
Very similar experience as yours, like exactly the same. Worked on myself for a long time, started OLD, did ok, went on a few dates but nothing came out of it. Stopped as it was wasting so much of my energy and time. Started going to meetups, same thing. Sausage fest mainly due to my interests (board games, improv) and when it’s not, the women are usually taken, older or just unattractive.
I’ve been spending the last few months just doing what I want to do. Went out with friends more, explored a few new things, got my own condo..just taking some time to really love myself and my life.
I’ve been feeling extremely lonely lately, and have been itching to redownload the apps, but I know that’s it’s basically going to be the same experience as before, only maybe slightly better.
It is what it is. I know I’ll reach a point in the future where I will see things differently but until then I’m going day by day.
Well it doesn’t sound like you have time for dating.
Learn about cold approach.
Tell your friends you’re single and looking and ask them to bring single girls to your hangouts or parties
Travel
Maybe the guys you train with have friends that are girls? Go to weekend parties with them, get closer to them to widen your social circle
guys, it’s normal to have a really crappy dating scene in a world where most people are not dating. there is no dating culture that most people are trending. we live in an era where people are hooking up and usually when they do it’s within the first 3 dates or less. this means most people have unrealistic expectations and don’t know how to get what they want because they’re used to quick dopamine rushes. most people who date have commitment issues. that’s why they stay dating for years. if your goal is life partner, then you should be doing things to build up opportunities for life partners. OLD is not a healthy metric for meeting people for any type of relationship. why? because it’s random and people get stuck with surface level details about matches.
i’d you want to date more but with connections, stick to in person interactions. sure there are standard bar and club scenes. but you should expand your interests around your desire to explore interests. you like business and fitness? get goto a convention about business and fitness and get to meet new people. don’t depend on dating with a push of a button and think all you have to do is introduce yourself in real life. you will need personal skills to build relationships with real people and then see if they have potential people you can meet that you might have interest in and can build intimate relationships with to spark dating status with that person. it’s a lot of work, but that’s how people use to do things before the internet. it’s how people dated more locally and based on where and when they went to parts of towns or cities. using apps, jobs and schools is just a different method of filtering people. but if you want to meet people you need to put in the work. spending money on apps or meet ups isn’t gonna get you anything but strange.
if you like art or dancing take a class. meet people. don’t just ask girls out on your first class. build report. build tension. build trust and interest in people. relationships without technology can be very rewarding in comparison to swiping all day after buying the top tier package for more swipes.
if it’s too awkward or scary for you to go take a class and meet people or pick a hobby a lot of people do outside of their homes then you’re just limiting yourself to more experiences. realize if you want girls your age you should consider what most girls your age are doing. if they are working you will find them at their jobs. if they got kids they will be at home and go shopping at certain times. before technology was in our hands people could meet off the street, bus stops, stores… you name it. but if your mindset is glued to apps and OLD then you’re just blind because you never opened your eyes
27M here as well. Wether you feel desperate or not to get into a relationship, apologizing to a girl that ghosted you comes off desperate af.
I wouldn’t give up OLD after a few bad experiences. It doesn’t sound like you have a lot of free time or hobbies conducive to meeting single women so I think it’s your best chance. Approach it as anything else in life and enjoy the ups, downs, and the journey of finding someone.
Keep going. I (29F) understand your frustration and sometimes I feel hopeless too after my LTR ended, but you just have to keep going. You seem to take care of yourself, you have hobbies, I’m sure you’re someone interesting/engaging.
The so-called dating market sucks, but you’ll find your person.
Join a gym, talk to women when you’re out and about, say hi and if you like them offer to buy them a coffee sometime. The whole reason dating is broken is because people don’t approach each other in real life anymore because everyone’s too busy working or stuck behind a screen. There’s no substitute for real human connection and meeting in real life. People are everywhere, in trains, in supermarkets. All you have to do it smile at someone and if they smile back there’s your opportunity to say hi.
Sorry man, you had to meet your soulmate in kindergarden.. we are done now.
Just accept your fate as most girls now already have boyfriend, kids and plan a, b ,c and d.
Dont worry…
On paper, it sounds like you’re doing everything right but its hard to advise without knowing how you act in person. Some people appear great on the surface but sometimes lack social skills to make those connections real (aswell as difficult / unrealistic standards). Nothing personal but even the most self aware individuals are blind to their faults and live in a bubble.
A bit older but I never had luck with OLD initially. It took 1-2 months for things to pick up and the right person to appear. What helped was making time to try different things like Meetup or Speed dating (recommend this if you’re good at small talk). I wouldn’t use Meetup for looking for a date, instead go to meet new friends and work on your social skills. Too many guys go for the former and wonder why they get ghosted after being thirsty af. Those connections can lead to other opportunities and yes potentially dates.
If you have a friends who you trust, ask for honest feedback (particularly female friends outside of the male PoV). It’s great you are active, but think about how it appears to other. Being able to protective yourself is good but being overly open about it can make others wary about your emotionally stability. Wish you luck
Honestly, I feel the same as a girl in my late 20’s. I feel like I found more realistic matches when I was 25. Now I can’t know pass the 3rd date. And is it me or are people more manipulative, irate and impatient these days?
Ur choosing to go to martial arts & the gym. Dont see how u have time to date.
>don’t know what the fuck to do.
If u open up ur schedule, dance class or yoga. Volunteer/community events. I dont want to date someone that busy. Match maker
Your story sounds a lot like mine. I’m 35M in a similar position. I don’t really have any answers other than for now you just gotta bite the bullet and try and make peace with being single for a while the market is very messy right now and if you have any sort of standards and you don’t feel like settling it’s just really tough. Focus on the stuff you like to do and don’t think too hard about dating. You sound like everything in your life is fine and you just haven’t found someone who feels it with you and that’s fine. I’ve read so many different stores on here and honestly I think success is hard to come by. There is a large single male population in your age group and everyone is trying to get in on the action. I know this isn’t exactly what you were asking but I think some perspective will help you feel better as a lot of it is people look for a lot and you are just you.
> hoping somebody comes along the way
Do NOT do that. That’s not how it works for men, sorry to break it to you.
You need to consciously put yourself into situations where you are meeting women, ideally women you are likely to have things in common with. Pick up a hobby that you enjoy *and that will also have a lot of women*. Mine is salsa and bachata dancing. It’s a great time and there’s tons of women. I also love going to concerts and music shows and there tends to be a lot of women there who share my taste in music.
Sitting around waiting for a beautiful woman who you really click to just magically fall into your lap with is a very poor strategy and very unlikely to lead to what you want.
You are approaching this as if it is a position to be filled. Everywhere you go, everything you do, it’s “will this get me a chick?”
The hunt… as if you’re a starving lion after a gazelle, is creating a persona that, unbeknownst to you, is doing the opposite of that which you want.
You need to take a break from the active intense hunt and go find some fun. You need to add some leisure and relaxation into your life.
Focus on the fighting mate, girls are a huge waste of time, money, and most important morals if you let them. Honing your natural talents will lead someone your way with a similar outlook/stance on life. Looks are the ultimate deceiver and the men that go for that specific get taken for a ride that they’ll never forget. When a girl looks like a slut it’s because she most likely is. I hope you find the fish you’re looking for mate. Don’t let it go once you catch it.
White women in our country only like teens and young men. I am on my late 20s as well and it’s not possible to meet women. every time I go on a date they tell me that they don’t like the fact that I have the ability to grow hair on my arms and don’t like that I have the ability to grow a beard.
Dude, I feel you on this one! It’s like why can’t the love of my life just magically fall on my lap as I binge watch 5 movies on a Saturday 🥴
>”I’m giving up on OLD and signed up on Meetups and went to like 5 different events so far.”
What is this “Meetup” I keep hearing about? How does it work?
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Anyway, you’re devoting so much time to work & training, would you even be able to maintain a relationship if you found one? Your schedule sounds too “busy” for a person looking to date. I’m just wondering…🤷🏽♂️
Probably ur looks get in the gym get haircut get skincare etc
You need to meet more women. That’s the issue. And no OLD doesn’t count.
Go out next month and meet 300 girls with romantic intentions and then come back and we can talk. Before you say, you don’t have time, yes you do. If you have time to do OLD and meetup groups, then you have time to meet more girls.
Go approach them and introduce yourself. You don’t need to rely on meetup groups or OLD. Pretty girls are everywhere. Malls, beaches, festivals, concerts, food events, outdoor malls, universities, bars, clubs, etc.
I was literally in your situation 2 years ago. I was struggling to meet girls. I tried OLD without success and went to meetup groups as well. Meetup groups are retarded for meeting girls. Always a sausage fest and no pretty girls. Hot girls don’t go to meetup groups lol.
Then I started cold approach and my life has changed for the better ever since. Refer to my field reports and see for yourself.
It just sounds like you have little time for dating. I know a few guys like this actually and tbh you just have to make the time. Keep OLD open and continue going to meetups. If you want a relationship, you’re going to have to sacrifice to time for it.