We’ve been dating for more than 3 years now, we had a lot of experience together through good and bad and I’m 100% sure that I wanna put a ring on it.
It’s just that the thought of marriage gives me chills. It makes me extremely sad because it feels like I’m burying my young self and from then it comes the boring, sad, familist life. It feels like a point of no return.
It’s like that feeling of the last day of summer when it’s getting cold and school start and you have to wake up at 7 next morning.
I don’t know, maybe it’s because my parents were never romanic and all of their marriage life so far was neutral, boring, sometimes even sad.
TL;DR: I’m planning to marry my gf next year and marriage terrifies me because it feels like a midlife crisis and I’m afraid of a sad and neutral marriage.
8 comments
It’ll be okay man, if you love her and are happy with her, nothing changing really, your just putting an forever on it. You’ll be fine. Your not burying anything, the only thing your bury is a break up and a boyfriend title, now it’s going be husband. You guys will still do many fun and interesting things. Imagine even just sitting home cuddling your wife watching a movie, even something that simple can make many people dream of it.
>maybe it’s because my parents were **never** romanic and all of their marriage life so far was neutral, boring, sometimes even sad.
So they were always like that then, before and after marriage.
You’re acting like marriage is some disease you catch that ruins your life. Marriage is a decision you make, and in healthy happy relationships it basically changes nothing except to make you more content, more committed to each other, to cement the decision to be together forever.
>I’m 100% sure that I wanna put a ring on it.
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>I’m burying my young self and from then it comes the boring, sad, familist life
So why are you “100% sure” if this is what you think marriage is? Serious question, think hard about your answer. You aren’t your parents. It’s your life! It only becomes “sad and boring” if that’s what you choose for yourself. What do you think will change? Another serious question, think hard about that answer.
Your parents shitty marriage is your parents shitty marriage, there is no need to project that onto you and your partner. It sounds like you actually aren’t 100% sure about getting married and you really need to work on yourself and those reasons before you marry this girl.
Honestly, nothing changed for me with marriage besides legal stuff. Now having kids, THAT is a lifechanger and what you should worry about (if you want any).
Are you planning to turn into your parents?
Have you talked to her about what marriage looks like? Kids? Jobs? City living? Suburbs? I know plenty of married people that go out every weekend and travel a lot. Some of my friends with kids travel and are doing more fun things than me. Marriage doesn’t really change much, it’s more having kids that changes the most things. I decided not to have kids so being married is the same except trying to save money.
Tell her *today* that you don’t want to get married and don’t know if you ever will. How can you claim to love someone and just bald-faced lie to her every fucking day? You’re wasting her time, destroying her trust and self esteem. Is your goal to make her so insecure that she thinks no one else will ever love her?
Live together before getting married. Talk to each other about what you want marriage to look like. Take premarital counseling.