I produce/DJ and make my own songs. I went to a show that had a bunch of local artists performing because I love the fact that there are people in my area wanting to follow the passion. One of the artists I’ve hit up back and forth in instagram. I sent them $50 to help with a homeless charity and went to their show the next day. After the show I messaged him saying that if they need a DJ for their next show or future shows, to let me know and I will DJ for them. He said for sure and they appreciate me.
Following today he posted on his story asking for one of my friends @ and I replied saying that I don’t think he has insta but I could ask him to give you his number. I messaged my friend and he told me he already had his @ and that he didn’t need more numbers. That made me embarrassed.
I guess I just feel like I’m being too much and pushing boundaries. I feel like I’m coming off as too much to everybody. I feel like an imposter and that I’m only doing it to gain something, when there isn’t anything to gain. I’m just wanting to show support and make some friends with the same interests. I feel like I’m somehow being fake and that they see me and view me that way. I just needed to rant.
EDIT: It has caused me to delete my instagram account all together, throwing away the current progress I’ve made with building a following. What’s wrong with me?
2 comments
Hey I find this really relatable, I often get similarly feelings. I don’t have much help to offer but I do want to say that reading how someone else goes through the same thought process puts it into perspective and helps me see how it’s probably not as bad as I tend to think. Like I know that feeling so I understand you probably feel like you fucked up but from an outsider’s perspective I think you acted absolutely normal and friendly and fine and you are probably just overthinking it. It’s hard to see it when you’re in it but when you see someone else experiencing it it’s easier to realise that it’s not that bad.
Hey hey now, don’t do that. Thats your future right there and your passion. Give yourself a day or two or a week to recooperate how you really feel.