It was my first time. He wasn’t hard. He turned the light on to watch me but he wasn’t as hard as I expected. Does that mean he doesn’t find me attractive give.

The next day he messaged me saying that he had a dream of us making love.

28 comments

  2. He might have just been very anxious. The first time with my ex I was anxious and couldn’t stay hard, but at some point I came anyway

  3. Anxiety is the most likely cause. Not common, but if it continues, have his doc check his T levels.

  5. I’ll second what others have said about anxieties and first-time jitters with a new partner. Body chemistry between two people can be such an unexpectedly tricky thing.

    I don’t know how much you two seriously flirted back and forth before finally being physically intimate with each other, but I’ve definitely been the guy in this situation with someone that I had sexted with a bunch before actually meeting them in person. The first time she went down on me, I was actually kind of stressed because I wanted to deliver on all the anticipation we’d built up while sexting so I didn’t get fully hard and it took a while for me to actually orgasm.

    After that first time, I got the stress out of my system and every time after that with that same person was great! I wouldn’t take it as any indication of how attractive he finds you.

  6. I mean he’s 31 and you are 23 and it was your first time. Honestly I doubt it was nerves and I doubt it has anything to do with your level of attraction. I would probably look up tips on how to give a good BJ and also foreplay. You can also ask him how he likes to be turned on. You don’t really go in for it until the guy is already hard.

  7. Could be anxiety could also be be his third or fourth nut of the day.

  8. Being successful while still soft is one of the best feelings a guy can have, so it may be that he just came before getting hard.

  10. Common misconception is that a guy has to be diamond-cutter hard to be fully-aroused. If he came, he felt it just fine.

  12. I’m going to go with possible nerves. Or if alcohol was involved at all, that could certainly cause some softness down there.

    Such things are rarely if ever a reflection on you being attractive or not.

  13. How hard he was or wasn’t has nothing to do with his feelings for you. Bodies are just like that.

    He may have had an orgasm fairly recently and had trouble with “round 2.” Or he may be on medication that makes it hard to remain entirely erect. Or he may have had a lot of anxiety.

  15. Performance anxiety is incredibly common. If he were attracted to you it’s unlikely he would have finished and even more unlikely that he’s then be messaging you about wanting to do the deed. Also some medication, such as adhd meds can cause some softness in addition to alcohol or weed

  18. You being insufficiently attractive is one possible explanation, but there are a multitude of other explanations that are far more likely. Physical issues like being overweight, having a bit to drink beforehand, or low blood pressure can all make erections harder to both get and maintain. Mental issues like first-time jitters, performance anxiety, or trauma from past sexual encounters can also just as easily affect his ability to get and maintain an erection.

    If you discover his erection to be a more consistent issue during repeat sexual encounters, it might be something worth talking to him about. Making the problem all about you, however, is unlikely to improve the situation.

  19. The body is a complicated thing. You can be hard as a rock and not come, or somewhat soft and finish. These things don’t necessarily reflect how enjoyable the blowjob was

  20. Maybe you brought him to finish too fast ! It had to have been real good to work that fast .

  21. There are different levels of being hard. Every erection isn’t the same. There’s a ton of things that can factor into it. Attraction is one of them but also there’s nervousness, fatigue, stress, how long has it been last orgasm, and a plethora of other things.

  23. Well, pretty sure he was enjoying that at some level but maybe you did something wrong there. When my gf is pretty good at giving head but she cant keep her teeth from touching my p and it’s hard to fix.

  24. Not at all. Sometimes watching a woman do it is so enthralling that you forget about yourself and it deflates a bit. Trust me, if he finished you did good and probably was a serious turn-on. There’s nothing as amazing as a woman who uses her hands and mouth to great effect.

  25. Anxiety is a trip. Sometimes it results in this, while sometimes it results in premature or delayed ejaculation

    I very much doubt it was anything to do with you, which is confirmed by his message

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