I have HPV on my hands, my mum gave it to me when I was a toddler. She must‘ve kissed my hands.
I had neurodermitis and contact allergies already, so itchiness was normal for me, and by the time I was a teen it was all over my fingers. That was when she told me what it was and gave me medicine.
I‘ve been together with my husband for 4 years, married one. Two years ago, he had an outbreak on his hands. He had his second one just now.
I was upfront about it. I dress the fingers diligently and put medicine. We researched it together once at the start of the relationship and once again when he got it.
He‘s yelling at me right now that he hates me, wishes we never got together and when we break up, he‘ll always be reminded of me, I‘m a liar and so on. So I‘m a bit emotional.
I‘ve been telling him I‘m sorry, I‘ll dress his fingers once he‘s done showering, I‘m very sorry I gave it to you, I‘m always diligent over dressing my fingers. He says others manage to not give their partners stds, and I‘m really hurt cause one, he knows that its really hard to dress every finger two days a week, and I was a bit hurt when he said „it hurts“ cause he had two tiny bits and I get it all over every finger, but obviously didn‘t show it. I just kept saying sorry and that I would dress his wounds when he was done showering. Hems so angry and I just don’t know what to do.
That‘s gonna repeat every time he gets an outbreak. How can I manage that? How can I effectively apologise? What can I do to help him feel better?
24 comments
Don’t apologise again. Shit happens; it’s not the end of the world.
I just went through this because I found put that someone who kissed me gets cold sores regularly, and here I have dodged contracting HSV1 for my entire life until (maybe) now. I was extremely angry for about two days, and then I realized that
A. millions of people deal with this every day
B. It’s not life-threatening
C. My alternative was never touch another human for my entire life, and for me, the risk is worth it.
If I can feel this forgiving about someone I hardly know, why can’t he forgive the person he MARRIED? He’s being a little baby, and he needs to figure out a way to deal with it, because it’s too late now.
You shouldn’t be expected to pay for the rest of your life for something that’s not your fault.
Tell him to get some Valtrex and shup up already.
I mean…what did he think was going to happen? Herpes is extremely infectious and you two are married. It’s actually pretty surprising he didn’t have an outbreak until two years in. Unless he always planned to divorce you, him contracting it at some point was basically inevitable.
Is the way he spoke to you normal for conflicts? Telling you that he hates you and threatening divorce is completely unacceptable in any circumstance, but especially about something you can’t control. Obviously it sucks to have herpes but this is what he signed up for when he married you. You’ve dealt with it your whole life and it’s not that big of a deal. He can take anti-virals if he hates the outbreaks that much.
You don’t owe him an apology. On the contrary, he owes YOU a massive apology and a promise that he will never speak to you that way again. You have done nothing wrong so please stop validating his behavior by apologizing.
HPV isn’t herpes…
Human papilloma virus = hpv = warts
Herpes simplex virus = hsv = blisters
The kind of hpv you gave him isn’t even an STD
Get rid of your husband and tell him he gets to keep a part of you forever
my husband has it in his nose and my mother has it in her mouth, I recently discovered Acyclovir in pills, my husband felt the tingling and itching that comes before the blisters break out, he took the pills and the blisters never came. in the past he used the ointment but it did not help at all. good luck. sorry for the bad english.
do you have hpv or hsv? hpv isn’t herpes
I’m so confused, despite having this condition for your whole life, and despite reading up on it, you don’t seem to know the difference between HPV and herpes.
HPV and HSV (herpes) are two different things (:
And I’m so sorry, I know you must feel awful about it. Get your emotions together, and try to relax. You need to have a discussion with him about what you and him agreed to. He knew you had this, and wanted the relationship anyway. Most people are asymptomatic, and he could have gotten it from someone who didn’t know they had it. It’s not the end of the world and it’s manageable. When he’s in a better emotional state, and you are too, talk to him about how he made you feel. Because his reaction was absolutely uncalled for
Yeah, mom kissed your hands.
This isn’t your fault. You have seeked out medical treatment and taken steps to prevent the spread to your partner. You were upfront about it and he had to know there was some risk of him getting it from you even if you tried to minimize the chances of that happening. You got this condition from your mother as a child not from some tawdry affair you had behind his back. He is purposely trying to shame you and put you down. This is the same level logic as slut shaming a partner for getting a cold sore from the herpes they contracted in preschool from sharing sippee cups with the other toddlers. Frankly even if this was a case where you accidentally gave him genital herpes even though you were taking appropriate precautions he doesn’t have a leg to stand on with the “others manage to not give their partners STDs” because he was fully informed of the risks. You did not deprive your husband of a choice or his bodily autonomy. Him contracting herpes is not an excuse to treat you so poorly.
His behavior towards you is malicious and done with intent of making himself feel better at your expense. If this is how he handles conflict he needs therapy. If he hasn’t been to a doctor for treatment, he should go. Hopefully the doctor can educate him better on herpes and help him get over the stigma of having herpes. Ultimately though he is being abusive towards you and you don’t deserve to be treated that way. I think it might be time to reflect on your relationship and examine it for abusive patterns. Abuse doesn’t have to be physical, verbal and emotional abuse can cause just as much damage and sometimes even more. It might be a good idea to read up on signs of verbal and emotional abuse because a lot of the time they aren’t obvious or become easy to dismiss as being your own fault. He has managed to convince you that his abusive behavior is your own fault in this situation but it isn’t. His behaviors are his own. He chooses how he reacts when life is less than ideal and he has chosen to take out his anger and frustration on you. You are not his emotional punching bag. He needs to realize that his behavior is unacceptable and so do you. You deserve better. If you ever want to talk feel free to dm me.
What you are describing sounds like herpetic whitlow, which could be easily treated with anti-virals.
Regardless. Your husband sounds terrible. You shouldn’t have to apologize or deal with his abuse
The fact that he contracted a chronic condition from you does NOT give him the right to abuse you. He’s verbally and emotionally abusing you, and you don’t deserve it.
This is fake right it has to be if you had HPV since you were 3 you should know the difference between herpes and hpv by now
Have you actually gotten treatment and diagnosis from a doctor? You don’t mention a doctor at all just that your mother gave you medicine. What if it’s something else? So if you haven’t been to a doctor, go to a doctor same with your husband.
uuuummmmm….. leave him right now
You couldn’t at least make this linear? It’s completely fake. HPV and herpes aren’t the same thing
If it’s herpes take L-lysine, stay out of sun, and avoid chocolate and almonds. I know someone who takes it daily. I just take lysine when I am getting a cold or cold sore.
24f 23 m over a year ago u guys haven’t aged?
HPV is not the herpes virus.
Dam I feel bad for you. I can understand his anger because that’s his heath but I also think this would have happened eventually and he should have known that. I’m sure he will come around eventually but I do hope he sees it from your perspective of how it was not intentional.
There is a treatment for both HSV and HPV go see a doctor
>HPV
HSV?
>He‘s yelling
Dealbreaker 4 me. If u disclosed prior, then that was his choice.
>me, I‘m a liar
What did u lie about?
>others manage
& many do. His point?
>How can I manage that?
Ditch him. At the least marriage counseling.
ETA: a year ago, same ages & bf/gf but here uve been married 2 yrs..
My brother caught the herpes virus and I know this sounds crazy , but he was instructed by his natural health care therapist to go out and buy a bottle of 35 percent food grade hydrogen peroxide , he put one drop in a glass of water and drank it twice a day, next day 2 drops twice a day, and he worked it up to 7 drops twice a day, for one week only , drinking massive amounts of water for the whole week, and after that one week, the herpes virus vanished , and it had been gone for the last 10 years without a single outbreak , look it up on you tube , I wouldn’t believe it if I didn’t see it with my own eyes , poor bugger had outbreaks all over his body for years before he found a solution , he did it once and it cleared it up about 95 percent and then did it again 3 months later and it was wiped out completely , no outbreaks for ten years now, only down side is when you move up to the higher dosages it starts to burn your throat a little, but that subsided with lots of water he told me , anyway , I’m no doctor , just thought I’d pass on what I saw and let you research it yourself n you tube
either way if you destroyed his life, you have NOOOO right to cry