I’m not the most normal person on earth for sure, i know that since early age, but I do fine most of the times.
But in my work, it’s a completely different thing. Started my 1º job around 1 month ago and i’m always with a serious face without speaking much
When I go out of the building to take some air and get back in I have to cross some people and I try to avoid eye contact so I don’t have to smile or say some silly thing. The effort I would have to do to seem more normal would be HUGE to the point its not worth it as I rather not be fake OR I just don’t know what to do.
When I’m more talkative I tend to say things that others interpret as “bad” like if I am judging them or being arrogant and it’s not their fault, neither it is mine as I say it with good/fun intention. Like today, tru online chat that many people are in i asked on of the leaders: “what was the point behind this decision?” The decision itself was at first glance very bad and stupid (and everyone would be for sure under the same opinion about the decision itself) but I (and some others) knew for a fact that it had a hidden goal so I was actually curious about why he did that, i wanted to know more about it.
A guy texted me in private saying that others would find my text rude and judgy like if i was challenging the leader and i realized he was fucking right. Went outside and people seemed to be talking about it, all in a circle, or if they weren’t speaking about it, was something related and as i reached them sum1 commented like “if we hired \*myname\* we hire everyone” in a funny way. I smiled and stayed near the circle, to see their reaction and if they would welcome with their body language, but no, they moved a bit away and closed the circle.
Sure i could just get in the fkin circle with them but I don’t want to intrude and show inferiority as i was already feeling it.
Its a medium sized company, they all know each other well, I’m the only new guy basically. I wanted to get along with them just as they do with each other.
Sometimes they go hang around after work and drink, but after work I’m drained and sweaty, i don’t want to hang around with no matter who in such state.
My acne also doesn’t help as i feel weird about my face all the time and because the place is hot for me i feel sweaty aswell and that sucks.
Just blowing off steam here, please if you read this say something, i don’t want you to say to say smth just to cheer me up, just say what you think whatever that may be, feel free to do so. Thanks
2 comments
No one is normal. And stop beating yourself up. I used to struggle at a company I worked for and I was there for 5 years. I put a lot of pressure on myself and you are too. Seriously, those people sound horrible. Why would you want to socialize with them? (Serious question. Just because they exist in the same place/time/family/world doesn’t mean they are worth you time or space in your mind.
I’m not blaming you for these people not talking to you, BUT, if people tend to be turned off by you … is it really their fault or yours?
>When I go out of the building to take some air and get back in I have to cross some people and I try to avoid eye contact so I don’t have to smile or say some silly thing. The effort I would have to do to seem more normal would be HUGE to the point its not worth it as I rather not be fake OR I just don’t know what to do.
To most people small.talk IS normal – it builds connections. You being awkward about it by literally walking by people and not saying anything…is a sign of disinterest. So based on your actions, these people shut you out.
>When I’m more talkative I tend to say things that others interpret as “bad” like if I am judging them or being arrogant and it’s not their fault, neither it is mine as I say it with good/fun intention
If you say things that most people find offensive in some way…yes, it IS your fault. Now I say that in the sense like if you have some type of disorder like autism or something, and you say random things people always interpret as mean – YOU are the one that would need to make chsnges if you want people to associate with you. You can’t feel some type of wat when people ignore you or avoid you – yet you openly admit you do and say things to turn people off!
If you want to get friendly with your coworkers – stop doing what you do!!! Ask them about their day or wknd, let them lead the convo. Try to listen more…