hi, so i went to a catholic high school (i feel their views on sex in general are pretty well known), and i’m just now discovering my sexuality and stuff like that.
with where i went to school, i was basically taught that any premarital sex at all was bad, and with it, porn too. because of that i’m also terrified of sex in general.
i know now that having premarital sex isn’t good or bad, it just depends on your preferences and stuff like that, and so i assumed porn was the same way- not good or bad.
i’ve seen a few porn videos because it seems to be a popular thing (or at least popular in memes) and also cause i’m genuinely curious about sex, especially having avoided it so much in educational settings like school.
i found that it’s not really my cup of tea, which is fine, but a few days ago i saw an insta reel about how this guy watched porn and got addicted, and all the comments were saying things like “i’m so glad my husband doesn’t watch” or “he hasn’t watched in x amount of time and we’re so much happier” and now i’m confused.
i know porn is pretty taboo, but is it actually bad? i don’t understand. i thought it was just a normal thing to be curious about bodies, and maybe, watching other people participate in sexual acts would help me to feel satisfied (as in no longer curious) and less scared by sexual acts. but now i’m just confused.
is watching porn bad, is it just the internet being judgmental, or are those comments only talking about people with porn addictions?
TLDR: i am scared of sex bc of improper sex education and catholic school and i thought watching porn would help me get over my fear and curiosity, but now instagram comments are making me think porn is bad- is it?
11 comments
It’s only bad if it interferes with your life, if you don’t go out with your friends because you’d rather stay in and watch porn then that’s obviously bad. Masturbating is healthy for you and for many people porn is how they do it.
It isn’t ‘bad’. It’s just private adult entertainment. Stuff to masturbate to when you need the urge. If you can put the religious context away, it doesn’t harm anyone.
Pornography is material (videos, let’s just say) of people engaging in sexual activity. There’s nothing “good” or “bad” about it in and of itself. But it can be used in good or bad ways. If you and your spouse like to watch some porn before you have sex, in order to get turned on or maybe even to get some new ideas, I think that’s good. If you become addicted to porn in such a way that it ruins your sex life with your spouse, then that’s bad. Basically, porn is a tool. Use it wisely.
You know what I find weird, bad even: that movies, tv shows, etc showing people hurting, killing and treating each other HORRIBLY, but one or more people experiencing pleasure is “bad”
It’s such a fucked up viewpoint.
No it’s not bad. However it is not “educational”, it is entertaining and it tends to be quite different to how people actually have intimacy.
Hey there, I grew up in Catholicism and now I’m very much non-religious. Congrats, you get to go through the process of undoing all the damage that Catholicism has done to your view on sexuality. If there’s one thing Abrahamic religions hate, it’s sex, unless it’s for procreation. It’s a regressive, inhumane view and it should be relegated to the dust bin of history.
Like almost everything, porn is neither good nor bad, and context, frequency, and intensity matter. If you’re consuming porn for personal pleasure or curiosity or whatever and it’s not impacting your life in a negative way, then it’s ok. If you’re consuming porn constantly, choosing porn over your partner, viewing illegal porn, stuff like that, then yeah it gets bad.
Moderation in everything, including moderation.
There’s a wide range of porn out there. From soft core, couples sex, and hardcore, to extreme bdsm, extreme abuse and rape fantasies, etc. (the list is endless.) Everyone has different kinks and things they are into.
One issue that can happen with porn is that for some people, watching it very frequently can lead to a desensitization. Meaning at first they might have watched something like, for example, soft core or “regular” sex, but it no longer does it for them and they have to watch rougher stuff or more extreme stuff than they usually would.
It can get really bad sometimes. Some people might even become sickened by what they just got off to and might even feel grossed out after they orgasm. This isn’t always the case, everyone is different.
The thing is, the desensitization to porn can show up in the bedroom. It can make it hard to orgasm for some people. Or it can lead to people wanting to do more extreme kinks with their partner (idk the stats, this is my experience and speculation and common thought). The getting off to porn all the time (like very very frequently) can even lead to a “death grip,” where sex doesn’t get a person off anymore.
I hope this clears things up.
Edit: there are varying opinions on this just so you know. I’ve read a lot of posts here regarding this issue and people complaining that their partners don’t want sex, just porn. Also, I should add that some people (especially certain women) have a negative view on it altogether and do believe it is bad. They blame it for sexism in society and a bunch of (what I believe is) bullshit like that.
Everything in moderation.
I wouldn’t guess that it’s strictly bad or good, but rather that certain consumption patterns may lead to bad or good outcomes.
For example, if you derive most of your ideas about how you ought to behave during actual sex from certain kinds of highly produced porn, you may end up with ideas about how to have “enjoyable sex” that aren’t actually very enjoyable or relatable to your partner at all.
Another possibility is that, if you are in a committed relationship, you end up expending some or all of your sexual energy on masturbation and fantasy, rather than having sex with your actual partner. (This is where I expect the testimonials of “relieved wives” come from, after their husbands stop watching as much porn.)
It’s also obviously possible to “compulsively” do almost anything. Eating food is not strictly bad for you, even though some people compulsively eat.
Much like food, I think there is probably a continuum of better and worse pornography out there, and a continuum of consumption patterns that are better and worse for you. Consuming some small amount of porn is probably completely harmless, and is probably comparable to the impact of actual sex, or even passing arousal, that many people experience daily. It seems totally reasonable to consume porn to satisfy an interest in sex, to normalize sexual activity to yourself, etc. You *may* want to curate your consumption to stuff that’s more “real” or “amateur”, if you want to develop ideas of sexuality that correspond better to how people usually have sex, though.
Yes, and no.
There are tons of issues with porn. People sometimes begin to favor it over their partners (or preventing from finding one) and being with friends or participating in regular life. There is evidence that for some people, it contributes to sexual dysfunction, depression, loneliness, reduced sperm count, and it may give someone very unrealistic expectations of sex and intimacy. There are many ethical issues regarding the production of it. There is a lot to be said against it.
At the same time, porn can allow you to explore in beneficial ways as well. You need to approach it with a mindset of understanding that it isn’t real life; just like watching an action movie. Done in moderation, it can be enjoyable. On some level, porn has been a thing forever but it’s never been as accessible as it is today (that may be good or bad).
Tl,dr; porn is not bad at all, but be cautious in how you approach and consume it and don’t expect it to be translate smoothly into real life.
Personally I don’t think porn in itself is bad.
Here’s what is bad though, education around it (to all age groups and not just young adults). It scares me more and more as I get older the crippling lack of awareness and education we have around multiple things in modern life, porn is one of them.
I also think some aspects of how unregulated it can be as an industry can also be pretty worrying.
A few examples. If it was taught and people were educated you would know to watch porn with a certain frame of mind. That some acts or the portrayal of them is completely unrealistic; knowing at least that the people doing them are highly skilled professionals making it look completely different to how it might be for you in real life. Sex is a skill to be learned. Communication around sex even more so.
If the entire sex industry was completely legal and above board therefore subjected to the same laws and regulations as any other industry we would have the opportunity to safeguard the health and well-being of those who work in the industry but also ensure vulnerable people were not exploited. For me, this is probably the part of the industry that makes me worry the most which is generally why I avoid ‘free’ porn that I am not sure if it’s origin and consume stuff I pay for from what looks to be a legit operation. Of course there are no guarantees.
The one thing that worries me about porn is the sheer availability of it to young people with almost zero education or guidance around it. What you see and consume can have long lasting affects on your expectations, your behavior in relationships and your kinks. So e.g. not all women want to be choked out and face fucked; this is massively prevalent in porn; oh, also … it’s unlikely your sister/stepsister wants to fuck you, and even she did you should be aware there are potentially damaging and long lasting emotional consequences.
You know, shit like that.
So, venture in. Discover yourself. Tread carefully in some regards. Never assume what you see in any given scene will translate smoothly to real life. Treat your partners with respect. Always be completely open in communication with a partner wrt what you want and don’t want. Most importantly, like alcohol, enjoy with caution and moderation.
Edit: spelling, typos, grammar