TDLR: He broke up with me 6 months ago but we’re in this loop of hooking up and seeing each other again everyday.
We can’t seem to stay apart from each other. He told me a million times he doesn’t want monogamy with anyone. When he asked to date me, he wanted monogamy at first and quickly changed his mind. He’s on gay datting apps, grindr, you name it. I downloaded grindr for the first time yesterday and he’s jealous, even tho he’s been there for a long time now… he says it feels weird.
He claims he loves me so so much and care so much about me but I don’t understand how someone can love me so much but its looking for another hook up. It makes me feel like I’m not enough. I’m into the hooking up scene at all. I’m a very romantic person and I love to have a partner to share my life with. I’m a loving, caring person.
But here I am, months after our break up I’m still in love with him. So much, it hurts. I don’t know what else to do, we’re both lost. He treats me like a boyfriend even tho we have no label. He keeps calling me “my baby”, “my boy”, but again, isn’t willing to give away his freedom of hooking up with random guys.
I believe this is also my fault for allowing him to do this to me. I feel worthless. What else can I do. This “relationship” clearly isn’t going anywhere, why am I wasting time…. because I rather be with him somehow then not having him with me. Ugh, I hate being in this position.
4 comments
You have to take control of your own actions. He will not change. You are not okay with it. You have to tell him that the only way to spend any time with you at all is to commit to a monogamous relationship. And when he says no, you have to stop seeing him.
You will feel sooooo much better once you are off this rollercoaster. Take some time to heal.
You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you and only you.
Break the chain. Do not see each other again and again. Break off contact
>I rather be with him somehow then not having him with me.
Yeah, like you say, this is flawed thinking, but make sure you also realize how unfair you’re being to yourself. You love the guy, so when he calls you baby or whatever, this makes you happy. But you’re also like an express train heading for a brick wall. He’s been very upfront about what he wants, and hooking up every day for a few weeks doesn’t change that. It probably means he doesn’t have anything going on right now, but you know that day will come. And you will be gutted.
It’s fine to be on social media if you want, but if you have gay friendly bars or activity groups, put yourself out there. There are guys who want exactly what you do, and you owe it to yourself to find one. That’s when you start to heal.
It’s like quitting a drug, babe.
You KNOW it’s not going anywhere. You’re “wasting your time” with him because you didn’t get a chance to properly get distance and space and get over him. And he’s using your affection for him to get with you when convenient for him. And you’re getting with him when he calls because you still get the high off his affection!
Its only hurting you the more you let it happen.
You gotta block that number and move on, even though its hard!