A bit of context first. I have been dating this girl from Colombia for the better part of a year now, and we had seen each other a total of 5 times during that period. I live in the UK.
We agreed she’d come to visit for two months and a half at the end of May in order for the both of us to understand how we would get along more seriously and see if things merited to continue, and possibly have her move in definitely after that.
She was worried about not finding the same birth control pills that she was taking where I live. I reassured her that wouldn’t be the case and, as a precaution, I told her to bring plenty in order to not run out anyway.
While together she started her last period on the 2nd of June, and as far as I am aware she continued to take the pill until the 11th of June, the last day we had unprotected sex.
She told me out of nowhere she had decided to stop taking the pill then and there as her supply had finished, and this would have other benefits as well and she was afraid of not finding one similar in the UK. I tried to mention that wouldn’t be an issue, but she was sure of her decision. So I respected.
Problem is the little swimmers are tenacious, can survive for a few days on end and she got pregnant most likely on the 12th or the 13th (and we didn’t have sex then).
I honestly don’t know how to feel about all of this. I didn’t want to have a kid in these circumstances, although I’m fully aware of my responsibilities. And she could have gotten pregnant on the pill anyway.
One thing that threw me off was that a few days after she stopped I found a full box of pills in her purse and, quite frantically, she said those were old ones that she stopped taking a while ago.
I want to do the right thing and support the kid if she decides to have the baby, but I don’t know if I can fully trust her nor have a meaningful relationship with her at this point .
We have discussed abortion and she actually agreed to do one (through pills). Now she is backing off and says she doesn’t want to. I can only respect that, but it’s been a roller coaster honestly.
Apologies for the long rant. What are my options here? Thank you.
46 comments
Is it possible she stopped taking the pills because she was desperate to stay in the UK and with you?
Sounds like a baby trap, but you fell into it pretty willingly and with eyes wide open, so good luck, pops. Your options are to step up and do the right thing or get a knock on your door blowing your whole world apart in 18 years. Your choice.
Your options are to support her while continuing the relationship or supporting her but ending it.
I can’t read her mind and don’t know her material conditions to understand where she’s coming from with these decisions. And she could very well be telling the truth about the pills. And even then, her stress of not finding the pills could have been mitigated with condoms.
You are the one who’s known her for the better part of a year. You can either continue learning more about her as she solidifies whether she wants this pregnancy or not, or go with your suspicions and keep your support strictly financial. Either way, like you said, it’s her decision so you’ll just have to roll with the emotional roller coaster like she is.
I think it’s obvious that she intended to get pregnant.
I suspect that she was not taking anything after the period started on June 2nd.
I would suggest having a heart to heart conversation here to find out her motivations. The thing is, you won’t be able to do it if you are angry, and she may become defensive.
I hate to bring up the possibility, but you may also want to do DNA testing since the timing seems a little suspect.
There are no easy answers here. Good luck, OP.
You got baby trapped bro 😂😂
Babytrap 101. You were so naive to go in raw that it almost hurt.
You got baby trapped.
You don’t just keep old birth control pills, & if you’re switched pills, your likelihood of getting pregnant is tenfold for a few weeks. She knew what she was doing, you somehow did not.
Your only options are to decide how involved you are going to be in your child’s and her life moving forward.
Get ready to pay up, you got baby trapped
Baby trapped, just make sure it yours DNA test after born.
Well done on creating a mini human being. Let the noise begin!
She could have cheated and pass the baby off as yours or baby trap either way get a paternity test and then see if you want to be part of the kid life
Can’t tell from your post when she exactly arrived in the UK and what the date was calculated by a doctor for the start of the pregnancy.
If you don’t have that information, Get a prenatal paternity test. I can only see two possibilities for her not using birth control. She wanted a baby, or she was already pregnant.
She trapped you.
Birth control pills do not vary country to country only brand and type to brand and type. The chance of her not being able to get the same pill in the UK is slim to none unless she is one of the very rare people who have allergies to the non-active ingredients in some medications but even then there would almost definitely be another brand that doesn’t use those ingredients.
So here’s the thing about birth control, it can take one to 3 months for a woman to return to her regular ovulation cycle after stopping regular use of the pill.
It is advised that a pill is not missed and to take it as soon as you remember just as a precaution, but generally, pregnancy does not occur within a matter of days of quitting the pill.
There is an extremely slim chance pregnancy could occur even if she was regularly taking the pill at the same time every day, as it is 99% effective. However, a couple days without taking would likely not result in immediate ovulation and pregnancy.
It would likely, instead, cause her period to begin earlier than expected due to the shift in hormones.
I highly recommend doing your own research, too, OP.
Well I assume she has to return to Columbia so you could leave it at that and she gets to raise a baby by herself.
You are absolutely right about not trusting her, because she most likely lied to you and most likely stopped taking the pills before she told you she did. People are saying “baby trap” but there’s a much more sinister name to it: reproductive coercion, which is considered a form of abuse.
Right now your obligation is to pay child support for that baby (request a DNA test) but you shouldn’t continue in a relationship with her, unless all her good qualities greatly surpass her betrayal, only you know. Since she’s in Colombia you’ll need to speak to a lawyer to see how international child support works, and what are your options regarding having a relationship with the baby if you’re interested in meeting your child and being in their life in some way.
Am I the only one that thinks it’s not OPs kid? If it is, you were deff baby trapped OP. Oh and she was never going to get an abortion.
Don’t be a wit either. your time line didn’t match up.. you better get a DNA test my boy.
Falling for a baby trap in 2023 😂
Baby trapped , get rid of her Op ,she should of had the abortion
Commenting to just say what everyone else is saying so you know that everyone sees this for what it is, she meant to get pregnant. She wants to come to the uk and this is her ticket in. Sorry man, you’re definitely on the hook for this. Don’t blam into strange women straight away in the future. Take accountability for your ability to procreate. It’s happened, she doesn’t want an abortion so it is what it is. Next time wrap it or get a vasectomy because why risk your whole life for the phrase “don’t worry I’m on the pill”
It’s very commendable that you want to step up, but please do a paternity test. Let her send you the results and you do the comparison in the UK, not the other way around. Best of luck
You never get birth control in other countrie because its hard to navigate other healthcare systems.
You always bring enough.
However, it seems she wanted to get married and you were an idiot for not wearing condoms. Especially on a long distance relationship.
You had unprotected sex with someone you’ve only been dating for less than a year and have only seen in person five times, who was making some pretty obvious excuses about birth control. You may think this is the start of happily ever after, but I’m willing to bet she’ll be gone as soon as she doesn’t need to be with you to stay in the UK. Wake up and realize you’re being used.
Anchor baby!!
Lmao. What a genius you are OP. She’s a hot Colombian chick that got pregnant because she wants a decent foreign man. You’re probably a decent dude. No she won’t get an abortion because she just got what she wanted. Now you can marry her.
You’ve fallen for a baby trap my mukka. Ditch the woman and whatever you do, don’t move her to the UK. The only thing she wants is to get in here and she still needs you to be a willing participant to this.
Your girlfriend hasn’t been taking her pills, it sounds like she intentionally baby trapped you, especially if it means she gets to travel over the the UK to live on a permanent basis.
Also are you 100% sure this baby is yours? I’d suggest you get a paternity test just to make sure. As others have said, the timing is very suspicious
Are you sure she’s pregnant and if so, with you? If she is, her plan worked perfectly and that plan was to entrap you. There is also a good chance she’s not pregnant or it’s not yours. The extra pills could mean she’s still taking them and faking her pregnancy with you. Either way the alarm bells with this girl should be ringing in your head until you go deaf.
DNA that baby!
You didn’t consent to that my guy..
She /r you bro..
There is legal action you can take.
Why are people acting like condoms don’t exist, when the girl/woman is on the pill? If the guy is not using condoms he doesn’t take responsibility. Doesn’t matter if she is on the pill, because the pill is ONLY HER responsibility.
Sounds like she trapped you, but! You have a child on the way. Raise the little one and be a great father
She is trying to baby trap you i to marriage or getting to stay in the country. Your call how you.proceed but I would be running from the manipulation.
Nice, she planned all of this well. You are her key to UK citizenship.
I would get the blood draw paternity test given the circumstances. It’s completely non invasive. No danger to anyone. But the turn of events leading to this pregnancy are pretty dubious. I’m 99% sure you have been baby trapped which is morally repugnant on her part but regardless you have to decide whether you can live a life with her after this.
Unfortunately this happens a lot with South American women. She trapped you. In my circle of friends I know three guys who this happened to (although one was with a Russian woman). You can talk all you want about abortion, but she won’t do it. Unfortunately, women can force men to become fathers, but men can not make women do an abortion.
There is nothing you can do, but there is one thing you will HAVE to do: A paternity test.
Child trap. She wants to secure your relationship with her. Pregnancy is an age-old trick men and women use to lock in a relationship.
If you care about her, then there is no big deal. If you are ambivalent, you have some hard decisions to make, including putting her back on the plane.
So, there are these recent inventions called “prophylactics”, they’ve only been around for a couple of thousand years or so. Why didn’t you use them?
OP hope this teaches you a lesson: never stick it in anyone unprotected unless you want to be a father and/or be anxious about STDs
Women from the “third world” have little means of survival and getting pregnant by a foreigner is better than by a local-better status among peers, good alimony, a better life in all. I’ve always felt that a guy shouldn’t be 100% reliant on girls bc just as a girl should not leave it up to the guy.
She baby trapped you you’re old enough to be able to see that and to know it’s a thing.
Men need to learn that birth control is your responsibility too.
Your first mistake was having unprotected sex even if she said she was on the pill. Your second mistake will be believing you are the father. Chances of her getting pregnant just after having a period are miniscule. I suspect she came to you pregnant and planned the whole thing. First thing you need to do now is to do a DNA test.
It takes a while for the effects of the pill to wear off. You don’t become immediately fertile the day after you stop taking it. Your body takes time to readjust to the change in the chemical balance – often weeks, sometimes months, depending on how fertile someone generally is. Never one day.
Sounds like you’re being pretty naive to think this wasn’t entirely planned on her behalf