My husband and I have been together for over 7 years. He has never lied to me that I am aware of and also has never done anything to break my trust. Am I wrong to be upset about this.
Yesterday, he went to the dog park without me and later that evening told me that while there our dog was playing with this woman’s dog (who was there with her bf) and she was talking to him a lot and ended up asking for his number to set up dog play dates since our dogs had been apparently getting along so well. He told me she was kind of weird and that he didn’t give her his number. I did not think anything more of the situation until later that evening he got a text on his phone and asked me to check who it was. It said “maybe: “girls name” showing her ❤️ the message. I was like who is this and he was like oh uh and acted confused and then opened it up and I saw she said “it was nice to meet you can’t wait for future puppy play dates” to which he replied “sounds good” and she ❤️ the message. Instantly I was annoyed/irritated because of the LIE. He then proceeded to get mad at me saying he didn’t want to tell me because this is how I would react. All I really even said was “wtf why did you lie to me that’s weird” and he deleted the conversation and said “happy now?”
I will admit that I can be slightly jealous at times due to being cheated on in a previous relationship, but not to the point of anger or trying to control him speaking to another woman.
Anyways he got very, very angry and says he is upset with me now for me thinking he would cheat on me?? I never ever brought that up or said that. I said I was angry about the lie and all he will say now is that I am questioning his faithfulness. He won’t even listen to me when I try to explain and just continues to get angry. I feel hurt and confused and I am not sure what to think. I guess I was needing to vent so thank you if you read this all. I hope I am explaining this well. I am lacking in sleep due to being awake all night with our newborn 🙁
24 comments
Oh man there’s a baby involved? Good fucking luck.
Red flag! Big Yikes. Especially if you have a newborn. He’s gaslighting you and it’s icky.
I’m so sorry you are going through this❤️
Lying is the worst trait of all, BIG red flag. He goes behind your back to pursue a relationship with a woman without telling you. Him telling you that he didn’t tell you because you would get mad is GASLIGHTING. He knew you would be mad because he is well aware that he crossed your boundaries. Him being angry at you now is emotional immaturity. Instead of him acknowledging his faults and taking responsibility for his actions, he is making himself the victim.
People who lie and does things behind your back will probably do it again, especially since he is not acknowledging his wrongful behavior.
Did he actually block her or just delete the message as he still has access to contact her?
Sounds like gaslighting.
I would feel the same way as you OP Im sorry. I think that they must of had enough of a conversation that was emotional enough for the texts to have heart reactions. Just not ok you have every right to be upset and hurt!
Is it weird that he replied to her? Even though he says that he had no intentions of ever meeting her?
Having been cheated on whilst pregnant with my son, this is all red flag territory and eerily familiar, so from the bottom of my heart I’m sorry if this is also your experience ♥️
Also, the phone saying ‘maybe:name’ seems to me he has had her number prior and deleted it, and his phone has recognised the number.
Recover his deleted texts on iphone and see if that’s the only texts he’s gotten from her.
Statistically, the prime time for men to cheat is when their wife is pregnant. Follow your instincts.
Me thinks he does protest too much
Him getting angry is a tactic to keep you from discussing things like an adult. I think he’s the one who brought up cheating because that’s on his mind.
Ugh. So sorry! I found that my ex got mad whenever I caught him in a lie. He thought getting angry would make me get over his lie and make me feel bad for making him angry. Nope. Life is hard enough, I don’t need that in my life.
Yep. No secrets between spouses.
This means y’all need to do some work together.
The lie is bull shit. He fabricated a whole story and his fake refusal to take her number. He had intent to hide his conversations with this women and their meet ups. For me, this would be a oh hell moment.
Walking a dog is a good way for a woman to pick out some married man. That’s how my husband was snatched away from me after 10 years of a good marriage. He was depressed because his mother had just died in a very traumatic way and then he didn’t get a promotion he was well-qualified for at work.
He was walking our dog in the neighborhood when he saw a neighbor woman crying on her porch. He stopped to ask if something was wrong and could he help. She explained that her husband had just left that day on a year long deployment and she was already very lonely. That’s how his affair started. He would walk the dog nightly and she would be sitting on her porch waiting.
I did notice that the dog walks were getting longer but never thought he would cheat. He told me that the couple hour long dog walks were helping his depression. He said he enjoyed walking and when I wanted to walk with him, he told me that he preferred walking alone.
He lied and had the nerve to get mad that you caught him in his lie? Well, if it isn’t the consequences of my actions! HUGE red flag.
The fact that he isn’t taking full accountability and is trying to blame you for “overreacting” makes this a million times worse. And you’ve got a baby involved now? Good luck.
You know the state of your relationship, but it looks like he tried to cheat or set up the groundwork for doing so. Do with that information what you will. Whatever you choose to do, just don’t let a baby be the reason you stay.
Yikes, he uno reversed that.. its simple there wouldn’t be an issue if he told the truth you could of met up with her too. But he lied for a reason.. he was probably flirting and acted single.. I doubt her bf was there or she even had one.
His actions showed he not trust worthy and fact he through you accused him of cheating without you saying anything is another Yikes… he planned on cheating and this probably ain’t first time.
Tell him he can try a flip it all he wants but his actions and lies have showed him to be untrustworthy and ask him to leave.
So, put the baby in a stroller and join him at the dog park. Or, get her number from his recently called numbers and introduce yourself. “ Hi, this is X’s wife. He told me about setting up a puppy play date with you. That would be wonderful. When would you like to meet?”
If there isn’t anything suspicious going on, this wouldn’t bother either of them.
She probably doesn’t even have a boyfriend
Lying in a relationship is literally the quickest way to destroy trust. Even if it was a lie about something small. He willingly told you what happened and proceeded to LIE about it to make it seem like he was some sort of hero? I’m sorry but I feel like this is cheating behavior. I’d go with him when they meet up next time so you can meet her
Sounds like he’s upset because he got caught and I’d be suspicious by how flustered he is by it all…trying to come up with lies on the fly. Why bring up the dog story woman in the first place if he supposedly never got her number, or was he using that story to gauge your reaction if he could ‘meet’ her again at the dog park and ‘get’ her number then after getting your permission?
Methinks he doth protest too much. The fact that he won’t even acknowledge his blatant lie and instead gets defensive and tries to redirect blame to you (classic DARVO) says it all. It’s a good thing he was dumb enough to lie about her *before* you read the messages. If he hadn’t, he could have just covered his tracks by saying oh yeah I met her at the dog park with her boyfriend (who I doubt existed) and we agreed to set up play dates for the dogs. Would’ve still been suspicious, but plausible. Lucky for you he played himself and exposed his intentions, his claims about being accused of infidelity when you hadn’t done so is total projection. Run before he gaslights you into accepting his lies.
Op…there was no boyfriend with that girl. We know that. You know that.
Me thinks he doth deny too much.
If he texted her that he was looking forward to future play dates, he was absolutely planning on meeting up again. I bet she wasn’t actually with her boyfriend either. What kind of boyfriend lets their girlfriend give out her number to some random guy at the dog park? I guarantee he didn’t tell her he had a wife and a NEWBORN at home. I’d look up the deleted texts, text her to meet up from his phone, then meet up with her yourself, with your baby in the stroller. Gage her reaction when she sees you instead of him. But that’s just me. I’m petty that way!