Heya, I’m an autistic guy with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder, and as a result have a pretty pessimistic view on people. I see every single person aside from my mother as potential backstabbers, thieves, or otherwise untrustworthy. It’s driven me to be a misanthrope – one who hates humanity – and generally has caused me to become isolated in my mother’s home. It doesn’t help that being autistic has made it hard to connect and conversate with neurotypical individuals, and years of childhood rejection as a result of being autistic has me suspecting I will always face rejection from those who call themselves my friends or my lovers. Everyone else that is an acquaintance or otherwise is immediately subject to my suspicion that they are conspiring against me or want to harm me in some way. I think they’ll steal my belongings, ruin what connections I have, blackmail me – it’s actual hell to live this way. The rational side of my mind understand this is not the case, but it’s hard to overcome a severe anxiety disorder even with medication.
I’ve had a job here and there and am going to college to do SOMETHING with my life (I’m not content to stay holed up in my mother’s house forever), but my mother has grown concerned about me not because of my career or education, but because of my lack of social life. She tells me to get out so I can form a social group and even potentially fall in love so that I have people to rely on besides her.
I’m moving into a hotel in a few weeks until the university finds an open dorm for me – and this is where the namesake of the title comes in. It is double occupancy, meaning there will be someone else with me. It scares me half to death knowing there will be a complete stranger with me near my belongings, especially when I’m gone at class (and perhaps even at work if I find a job on campus), but that’s not the point. How am I going to be able to hold any dialogue with this absolutely random person whom I may have to live with for an indeterminate amount of time? How can I tell them to keep off my stuff without sounding rude in the process?
This doesn’t account for all the social anxiety I’ll be feeling as I move out, temporary or not. It’s going to be a very long road, but I need some kind of advice to start somewhere.