4 years of dating and all of a sudden it was like a switch got turned off. I’m so sad about this.
She did absolutely nothing wrong. She is beautiful, motivated, fit and kind. Of course the relationship had some ups and downs but overall things were great.
About a year ago things started to feel different. At first I lost that “spark” which I didn’t think much of, I just thought it was getting over the honeymoon phase. I felt comfortable still and things were still great.
Shortly after that I noticed myself straying away from deep conversations like marriage and kids, and I started to not like being touched unless it was purely sexual. I felt irritated when she would rub my back or arm. And I noticed I didn’t want to have passionate kisses anymore.
Then came the pet peeves…when she went on her phone and her nails tapped on the screen I would get so aggravated like it was nails on a chalkboard; and I noticed myself growing increasingly frustrated with stupid things like when we should ask me simple questions or when she would forget something.
During this whole downfall of mine, she did notice but she stayed strong for the relationship and we talked through a lot of things.
Despite this, my annoyance and lack of “love” only grew stronger. So a few weeks ago I ended it. Thinking it was only fair for her because I was unsure if I would be able to get that spark back.
Now 3 weeks later, all I can think about is how heartbroken I left her and how stupid I must be to leave a girl like that. But still on my mind is the feelings I started to have.
I guess the advice I’m asking here is if anyone has ever had something similar happen and come back from it or is this just the process of falling out of love? I’ve been very emotional about the whole thing especially in the last few days.
TIA.
TLDR: after 3 years of dating, I started to fall out of love and my girlfriend began to annoy me. A year after these feelings only intensified I broke up with her. Now 3 weeks later I’m having regrets because she truly did nothing wrong and she was a great girl. Asking advice on if feelings could come back or if I should just move on for both our sakes?
10 comments
Your experience is incredibly normal. Despite what you see on this sub, most breakups don’t happen because someone is toxic, abusive, or a cheater. Most breakups aren’t super dramatic where someone did something “wrong.” In most cases, people just fall out of love, grow apart, and/or incompatibilities surface or become too glaring too ignore. Additionally someone can be “great” but not great for you.
You’re experiencing a bit of seller’s remorse. It’s temporary, and it does not mean that you made a mistake by ending it. It means that you’re grieving the loss of the relationship, as well. Don’t confuse post-breakup blues with actual desire to be in the same relationship again.
It’s normal to feel sad and alone after breaking up. But I don’t think you should run back to a partner whose presence you can barely tolerate just because you’re feeling low or miss having a sexual partner.
Have you ever looked into misphonia? The majority of your complaints relate to the fact she made noise sometimes, which is likely to occur with anyone you date. Likewise, you have to find a way to manage your irritability.
I feel this way about my boyfriend currently.. I feel almost repulsed by his touch and don’t enjoying kissing and spending time with him. It makes me feel incredibly guilty because he is caring and loves me so much. The internal turmoil is almost physically painful. I don’t have any advice but I wish you all the best.
I think the issue is your attachement style .
It’s not… not normal. I experienced it with my ex, and I have a high tolerance for “ick”. He was a good guy for the most part, had some issues- so did I. I thought loving each other hard enough would fix it all, but the longer I stayed, the more disgust I felt, and eventually, everything he did repulsed me. Things he had zero control over, so I ripped the bandaid off. I know he’ll find a wonderful woman because he has a lot to offer. You made the right choice. It’s okay to lose feelings for a person.
Did you consider therapy before doing this to see if there’s anything that could be changed between you two or with you?
If you think “sparks” are needed for relationships then you are in for lots of break ups ahead. Not saying there is anything wrong chasing butterflies as long as you are not planning on ever getting married…
omg I feel like I could be going through this and it scares the shit out of me
Bro most guys have been in this position your in ,including myself I can only speak from experiance I lost what I still think was the perfect girl 7 years in we were high school sweethearts she was obsessed with me in a healthy way I guess I could phrase it that way and I was too but year after year I was just not feeling it as much for some unknown reason sex was there communication was transparent our family where close, but I just felt like I was missing out on other girls or other exciting things ? stupid right but still I broke it off and not long after I felt a huge wave of regret wish I could turn back time but it is what it is .. only you know how you feel the decision is entirely in your own hands I wish you luck man ,keep us updated lets us know how it goes
You did make a mistake. That “spark” is biological chemistry that naturally fades overtime (2 years). Once the rose colored glasses wear off your going to find things wrong no matter who you are with. At least you ended things so she can find someone else who will be serious about spending their life with someone forever.