I (18F) have been dating my boyfriend (18M) for a few months now. We’ve known each other for practically a year, and even before we started dating, we exchanged teasing, kissing and the occasional sexual caress here and there.
He always seemed extremely interested in me. Every time we met, he was horny. Extremely horny.
Friday he went to sleep at home. I was a virgin, but things got hotter and we ended up having sex.
On the first time (Friday), the sex was incredible (I think for both me and him). I felt him hard from beginning to end, and we had sex for almost 2 hours.
However, the next day (Saturday) this did not happen. He started out pretty hard and horny, but he cooled off. He told me that it was because of the tiredness of the previous day so we end up not having sex.
Later we tried again, and the same thing happened again. This time he said it was because of the condom that made him feel less. Nonetheless, he went to the bathroom, locked himself and masturbated alone.
On Sunday, the same thing happened. He started very horny, coming on top of me. We started having sex, but a few minutes later, he lost his erection. He said he was still tired, and that made him unstable. Then he asked me to give him a blowjob, and it worked out very well.
I do not know what to do, because I don’t know if this is normal.
I’m having thoughts that it’s my fault, that I make him go limp cause of my appearance. Or that I’m not good at having sex, and I’m afraid he won’t have the patience to wait for me to learn to do it well.
3 comments
This is absolutely normal and fairly common and has little or nothing to do with you or his level of attraction to you. All of his reasons are very plausible, but he may be hiding that he has some performance anxiety. Men feel a lot of pressure to be these sex gods who are super impressive in bed. We want to please you, impress you, and we don’t want to lose you because you think we’re bad at sex (just like you have that fear). Anxiety is a boner killer. No matter how attracted we are to you or how turned on we are, anxiety will swoop in and kill it. Now we have double anxiety, because now we can’t get hard, now we’re worried about what you think about us, we’re worried we’re not going to get hard, and it just becomes this vicious negative feedback loop.
Best bet is to be patient and communicate with him. Accept that this can happen and try to take it in stride. Reassure him that it’s ok and you guys can try something different. *Please* don’t make it about you and you feeling like he’s not attracted to you, that makes it worse. Take things slow and see if things improve. If he’s jerking off a lot on his own, he might need to cut back to improve his sensitivity.
Don’t neglect your pleasure in this process either. Make sure he’s doing things to please you and get you off. Your pleasure matters.
Don’t worry, it’s not your fault! He probably just got nerves. Maybe worried that the sex won’t be as good as the first time or something like that. Keep at it and just make it comfortable for the both of you. Try to de-stress the situation.
My opinion is that he may be focusing too much on orgasming and making the sex as amazing as the last time and that kills his boner.
I think he wouldn’t be fucking two times and after a while he would say he is tired. He even might have performance anxiety, that’s also completely normal. All these problems tends to go away.
Just make him feel loved, tell him everything is ok, tell him you can try it again and such. Try to make him as horny as you can.
Side note: Condoms can kill a boner too if they are bad fitted. But if he’s used to using them then it should be ok.