Ok, so I’ve been dating a girl for nearly 2 months, things have been going really well. She stayed at my place a couple of days ago and we got intimate (had sex). She told me really liked me, spoke about meeting her parents, meeting her friends and spending time together etc. I thought everything was going well tbh until the day after she stayed over, she was less responsive and there wasn’t much to her messages which is out of the ordinary. My bad feeling was reinforced when she sent me the text I’m going to share. Presuming at this point I just let her go and no longer pursue? One point I missed is that I said I wouldn’t be happy if she was dating other people at this point, probably the wrong thing to say…
Morning!!! In all honesty, I’ve done a lot of thinking since that conversation on Sunday about not dating other people etc. and that all feels more than what I’m ready for at the moment. Not saying that I am dating, but the direction this is going in I’m not sure it’s what I want. I’ve spent a lot of time rebuilding myself after my previous relationship which involved a lot of guilt/setting expectations on me, and it’s making me wary. I think we’re probably in different places as I’d like something very casual and this doesn’t feel that! I don’t want to rush into anything or settle, so if I’m not feeling like this so early on then I don’t think it’s a good sign.
Thought it was best for me to be honest with you now rather than dragging it on, I think you’re great so don’t want to be leading you on and you putting other options on hold for me! I hope you have a good day, and if you do want to chat about it over the phone let me know!
23 comments
Doesn’t look as if there’s anything left to pursue. You guys both want different things so she’s ending it.
I wasn’t looking for a relationship when I met my wife but she was cool with it and I eventually fell in love and married her. Food for thought.
That was a really good message on her point tho. She was honest and that’s rare to find these days. However, I think it’s done man. You’ll want to chase but keep your dignity and you’ll find someone that’s right.
The issue is that *she doesn’t know what she wants*. She’s going in several directions, but it seems as though she’s wanting a casual relationship. I don’t think the door is closed, and if you said you were cool with casual, she might be willing to continue, but that would probably also mean that she can date other men.
She offered to talk on the phone, so you might as well. No harm in trying to hash something out.
Was that the first time she had stayed over?
There are a lot of men that would be very happy for a situation like this.
She doesn’t know what she wants. It’s that simple.
To go from dating someone for two months and talking about introducing you to her friends and family, to immediately wanting something casual. She’s very confused. The best thing you can do for yourself is thank her for being upfront, and honest with you, and let her go.
There is no need to pursue anything casual with her, because she doesn’t probably want casual. And eventually she’s going to flip back to wanting to be seriously dating.
You’re gonna get drug back-and-forth each direction, eventually, this is going to wear you out and create a lot of problems between the two of you. She needs to be single and figure her self out.
Just tell her not to bitch in the future that Men are afraid of Commitment 😂 what did you guys do all night that all of a sudden made her Text this? It’s hard to take , I get it, you are probably in Denial, but move on, grieve and get over it.
Thank her for her honesty and move on. You deserve someone who can give you what you want to give them.
It’s good that you mentioned you wouldn’t be happy if she was dating others. Now you know where she’s at and this can end amicably.
I dated someone for 2 months recently and it didn’t go as well. I avoided the subject of exclusivity and relationship until the last night we spent together. We had a falling out that night because of miscommunication. I was crushed to find that we were on totally different wave lengths in regards to this. She was only interested in casual with me. It got a little nasty and although we ended on relatively good terms later, the mess could have been entirely avoided if I had brought it up sooner.
I think you should stop seeing her, unless you’re okay with being FWB / non-exclusive. You’re going to hurt yourself and her if you aren’t authentic here.
She wants to date/fuck other guys, and you’re showing too much interest in her.
Or, she just really is super relationship avoidant, and you’re leaning in and she’s pulling away.
Or, she’s had a change of heart based on something internal or something she saw in you and doesn’t see long term potential.
You shouldn’t need to crowd source this. If you aren’t interested in a short term or sharing situation, move the fuck on.
If you don’t have any investment in this girl and can keep your feelings out of it, keep going. Clearly she’s gonna date other people, and is urging you to too. That is what ya got here.
That you’re even asking tells me you’ve got the feels and this is gonna go bad if you don’t walk.
Bro take off the rose colored glasses and open your eyes. She doesn’t want you. Don’t chase a girl that doesn’t want you. Have some self respect
Theres no win for you. Cut it off.
Such a difficult place to be because you have no leverage. You catch feelings for this girl and you hope she feels the same. Your boundary is to see each other exclusively but you don’t want to lose what you have.
Leave it, it will hurt but you don’t wanna waste your time.
This is the girl equivalent of a guy’s, “I’m not ready for a relationship right now,” and, ” I don’t want anything serious”
When it really just means, “I’m not interested in dating you anymore”
If ur ok with very casual u can talk otp otherwise leave it
Yeah bro you ruined it with your insecure comment about dating other people she basically wanted a casual situation-ship clearly no strings but nowadays two people can’t hookup for long period of time without someone catching feelings and making things complicated . We humans and develop feelings for people subconsciously . Best thing to do is move on from situation so things don’t get messy .
She doesn’t like you & nice enough to send a message about not wanting something with you rather than avoiding you and keeping you wondering. She shouldn’t have access to you and get validation from you by speaking to her. Especially if she knows you wanted exclusive and a relationship
There’s nothing to pursue, she just ended it.
I’m in a similar situation and I decided to leave. There is no point in pursuing when the other person is not interested, you will feel useless and frustated when things start to go down. Better look for a girl who is at the same page.
Yeah, you have to leave it.
Wish her well, if you want to take the emotionally mature road (recommended!)
It’s good she told you now before you got further invested.
You haven’t fuck her brain out senselessly instead want to have a dinner with her parents
The moment somebody does you’re out