There’s this dude (in his 40s so twice my age) I met in college (graduated in 2021), and he seems to kinda want us to be friends I guess(? (I know he doesn’t have any second intentions) or maybe he thinks we already are.
The last year of college I had to go ask him some stuff regarding homework and mainly for a final in a subject he was a know-it-all before even starting the career; everyone went to ask him stuff at one point or another but seemingly they were able to leave it at just that -and only one or 2 stuck with him during the whole career, idk if they kept on chatting later- I, on the other hand, tried to chat a bit if he started talking about something else asides from the subject bc I thought it could come off as rude or whatever if I didn’t do so. And then one day he texted me out of the blue wanting to chat, I’m good with chatting every once in a while with anyone, but he replies immediately after I reply, and he sends LONG MULTIPLE texts, I get no rest; can’t even read the full text from the notifications and take some hours free while thinking what to reply bc of how long they all are, and he can go on like that for DAYS. Also, he doesn’t say “welp, gotta go, bye”; you have to say it while he’s still on the phone or there are chances the chat will keep on going anyways once he’s no longer busy or the next day if he fell asleep during the chat.
Last time we chatted a few months ago I took some hours to reply (cause I started working, I just didn’t tell him so from his POV I was seeing the texts and watched 2 movies before replying) plus didn’t really try to keep on the conversation after a while, I thought he’d stop texting cause he already had told me he disliked those persons that don’t try to follow the conversation. And today he freaking texted me again -apologizing for not texting more often!-, I don’t dare telling him I no longer want to chat with him cause I don’t like confrontation and, as far as I know, I could be the only one -asides from the other 2 persons I mentioned earlier- he talks to besides of his family (dude has no job, just buys and sells actions and lives off of that; I honestly doubt he leaves the house unless it’s for maybe grocery shopping or stuff like that) but he’s way more than I can bare. So, trying not be a bitch, but I don’t wanna be friends with him and I just don’t wanna keep on having to talk with him for the sake of being nice either (also, currently I’m super busy with other stuff to also have to deal with him, and I don’t have that much free time anymore to waste it on chatting with him), not when he texts SO FREAKING MUCH so quickly and for such longs periods of time.
4 comments
“Hi X. Hope you are doing great. Look I wanted to let you know that I am currently going through some things and I don’t have the capacity to reciprocate your friendship as you deserve. I can’t text so often and I need some space. I hope you don’t mind. All the best.”
You are not being a bitch for not wanting to be friends and chat with someone you don’t know or even has any interest of being friends with. You’re not responsible for his feelings, but you have to look at what’s best for you and your situation.
Tell him the truth, that you don’t you don’t want to pursue this friendship and that you don’t want him to text you anymore.
Good luck
Just ignore him. A real conversation is two way, so really this man is wasting your time. You are not his mother or emotional support nanny. I would ignore texts and respond a day or two late if at all. I would also not pick calls. Let him get the hint. Ideally I would have said be direct, but given he’s a man and much older that might not be the best approach and can be unsafe. At some point, if it gets too much, just block his number. No one is entitled to your time and energy.
I would ghost him. If that’s too agressive for you, gradually slow your reply time (reply every few days, then weeks), eventually he will (hopefully) take the hint that you dont want to talk anymore. You should prioritize your own time, and not have to take time out to reply to him like that.