Up until recently, I had super limited sexual experience; I had a couple of traumatic sexual experiences in my teens & for years afterwards mostly avoided sex altogether, except for a few one-off occassions with casual hook-ups (which weren’t very enjoyable). I’ve recently started dating my current boyfriend (26M) and we’ve had sex a few times now. He’s super considerate, communicative & mindful of my pleasure, and sex with him is great overall.
However, one thing I wasn’t expecting is that I can’t really tell whether or not I’m orgasming during sex sometimes? He asked me at one point after he’d come from penetrative sex whether I had come or whether I wanted him to finish me off and I was like… “IDK I *think* I came, it felt really good but I’m not sure?”
Which took me by surprise, because when I’m masturbating alone (through clit stimulation normally) the difference in sensation between ‘not orgasming’ and ‘orgasming’ is very obvious… there’s not much going on and then bam, orgasm. The only previous time I’ve orgasmed with a previous sexual partner (vaginal orgasm from fingering) it was also easy to tell: prior to and after orgasming it didn’t feel that pleasurable, there was just this one moment where he randomly hit the right spot and I was able to cum.
The orgasm confusion with my current bf definitely isn’t because sex feels less pleasurable with him overall, this is definitely the most physical pleasure I’ve ever experienced during sex. Penetration with him feels incredible, to the point that I have to ‘tap out’ sometimes because the sensation of pleasure can be so intense it gets overwhelming after a while and I need to take a short break (in the same way that continued direct stimulation after I orgasm can be overly intense normally e.g. during masturbation). He’s really considerate of my pleasure and is great with his fingers/with oral.
My theory is that my inability to determine whether I’m actually coming is potentially actually *because* sex with my current partner feels so good overall – because I’m used to being able to determine when I’m experiencing an orgasm based off of it feeling way more pleasurable than the surrounding sex/masturbation, I wonder if maybe I’m just unused to what it feels like to cum when *all* of sex feels good, rather than just a few isolated moments.
Alternatively, maybe it’s just from nerves from being with a new partner/lack of experience (though I definitely don’t feel nervous or uncomfortable around him)?
Anyone else experienced something similar or have any tips/advice?