Hi, I really hope I don’t get hate for this, it’s a genuine problem I’m having and I imagine many others today are as well.

With dating apps today, obviously things are very skewed and as a woman you can get loads of matches. I’ve only been on dating apps on and off for like a year but I can honestly say the over abundance mindset messes with me and makes it hard for me interested enough in anyone (whether in real life or on the app) to actually invest time and energy into getting to know them.

I’ve generally found I’ve become much more critical (hopefully not rude on the outside though) of men who show interest in me, as I seem to have internalised this idea that there is better a few swipes away. I have noticed though that the only time I do actually get excited about someone is when they’re very good looking and have good charisma and can hold good conversation. Anything short of that and I can’t seem to be keen. And I completely acknowledge I’m not perfect either.

I could really do with some genuine advice to help get over this. Has anyone been through the same and managed to find a way out?

3 comments

  1. But what do you actually want?

    I think what you’re describing is why this sub is so popular right now. There’s something insidious about the swiping and “next!” mentalities.

    > the only time I do actually get excited about someone is when they’re very good looking and have good charisma and can hold good conversation

    You’re likely reacting to only the top 1% of men. And if you’re a desirable woman you probably get their attention too.

  2. Sounds like some therapy might be a good safe place to have this discussion openly. While i will say that what gets you excited seems pretty universal regardless of gender. If you do want to get close to someone you will need to dig deeper and find out what brings you contentment and joy in a partner while keeping those shallow wants appeased.

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