My body cannot take much stimulation and it’s getting on the way of a healthy sex life. I don’t know what to do.
I’ve always been like this. When I was a toddler I was so ticklish that my parents couldn’t shower me because physical contact would make me laugh until I lost air and even start crying on the floor. My mother said it was difficult because it looked like I was suffering.
Even at 16 doctor check-ups would give me tickles and I would always complicate procedures.
Now I’m 19 and have a partner. He’s rather good at sex, but whenever he wants to focus on my pleasure, we stumble against a wall. I’m not talking about inoffensive leg shaking when clitoral stimulation, I have that when I’m not horny, I don’t mind it. It’s a whole state of feeling incapable of controlling my own body.
In our usual sex we usually focus a lot on boobplay (I’m not that sensitive at that), PIV, sometimes cunnilingus (but I don’t enjoy it at all). And also all the things I like to do to him (suck on his nipples, testicles, blowjob, handjobs, touching and biting his body, breathing and moaning against his ear, he likes a lot of stuff). Lately, he kinda started to mind the fact that I’m almost always in charge, and even when don’t, we usually focus a bit on him. Thing is, my body shakes so horrible I can’t even manage to pleasure myself, I lose the spot and it gets so frustrating I got tired at some point and gave up entirely in trying. I don’t want that in our dynamic. But he thinks not trying would be unfair to me.
When he touches me and I’m aroused, he needs to pin me down because my back would arch, my hips will buckle, my arms would do literally anything, my fucking legs suddenly compete in a swimming Olympic and I. AM. NOISY.
I don’t even know why but I would actually even start to beg him to stop between cries, and moans and little screams. But I don’t want him to Now when I yellat him he even has to ask me “Do I actually stop?” and I’m like DON’T.
I feel in panic, and vulnerable, and frustrated because everytime he has the spot I move and get him out. It’s like my whole body things I’m being raped and is horrible. I simultaneously feel like I need to fight for my life and escape, and also to stop the fucking bullshit and let my pretty and awesome angel off a guy finish me off.
It’s not only when he’s actively trying to make me cum either. It’s whenever he pays me special attention. Kissing my neck, breath in my ear, holding me too tight. touching my body too much, biting, whatever. I cannot handle intercourse apparently. Its like he has to held me hostage for me to have a couple minutes of physical enjoyment, it also comes with an unwanted bit of emotional torture.
He never acts too bothered because he thinks it’s kinda hot to hear me react so much. But It does really bother me.
I always end up giving up, taking his hands out off me and doing the next thing.
I just want to know if I am ever going to have a normal, nice and mutually pleasurable relation. And how the fuck do I turn off the crazy bitch button.
TLDR: My body triggers the fight node whenever I want my guy to stimulate me and I have to be restricted in order to do so, but I start feeling horrible and always have to stop.
4 comments
Has there ever been a time when your body calmly enjoyed stimulation or is it always like that?
Can you lay still and relax to prevent it?
What you describe seems almost like a medical condition that is highlighted particularly during physical stimulation during sex play but not only limited to that. Have you ever been evaluated for anything like that while you were growing up?
Do you have any history of trauma, molestation or SA? It sounds like intimacy is making you very anxious and triggering you.