I’m 21 and he’s 26. How can I tell him I’m not satisfied in bed without hurting his feelings? The problem is I feel a bit neglected in bed and feel like he only cares about him finishing. It feels like he puts no effort in getting me off. I’d like to say I’m pretty enthusiastic about getting him off but I don’t feel that same energy reciprocated. It’s almost as if I’m a fleshlight. Besides that our relationship is really great so I’d like to try and fix this before thinking about ending the relationship.
24 comments
You’re gonna hurt his feelings, no way around that. You do need to be completely honest with him or it won’t get better
I would just tell him how you feel and accept that he’s going to have feelings about it, hurt or not.
It sounds like he’s kind of hurting your feelings, so… just focus on that.
You’re going to have to talk about it….. Either one on one or with a therapist involved. It will suck, but it will help.
Praise. Praise. Upgrade. Works miracles. You tell him two things you like about what is happening currently. And then ask for him to work on one thing to do better. He almost certainly will. After he does… you do it again. If he won’t do one thing after getting praise… he’s never going to improve and you move on.
If you’re going to tell him my recommendation is to think of a few things you DO want him to do. Telling him he’s not getting you there is one thing but you also need to be prepared to be vulnerable with him & talk about what you really like also. And keep doing that every time he does something right, let him know. Don’t lie or you’ll be stuck with bad sex forever. Men want to do you right most of the time, its hot for them too. They just need detailed instructions. Lol.
It’s going to be an uncomfortable conversation for sure but one that needs to be had. This will be a good way to communicate *exactly* what you like and want. He may think you’re having a great time and is oblivious to how you really feel which is unsatisfied, as you’ve stated above.
He’s probably going to take it hard at first, but assure him that you want to be with him and he’s a good partner, just needs to be more attentive. You don’t have to be super abrasive, but get your point across and be honest!
This will be his chance to step up his game and you’ll see how receptive he is or isn’t.
It’s a tough situation. Even if you said it perfectly, it would probably hurt his feelings. Be direct and talk about it. If he doesn’t like that, you probably don’t want to be with someone like that anyway.
Time for a talk !
Tell him something he does well, then follow up with something he doesn’t do well. Good idea, bad idea kinda thing.
Start having sex with him, then stop before he cums. Get out your vibrator and finish in front of him. If he gets annoyed, just look confused.
Try and mix it up, take charge for the evening and initiate sex. But say tonight, you don’t cum until I cum. Then playfully tell him what to do and how to do it. Maybe a bit more indirect and might help than sitting him down and having the talk.
If you can’t openly communicate the relationship is doomed. You just need to tell him
You could try telling him what you’d like him to do. If that doesn’t work, you’ll have to hurt his feelings a little bit ):
I mean you could try finding some porn with some stuff that you like that would get you off and show him and say hey why don’t you do that to me and stuff like that or suggest some things. Maybe get some edible lube or buy some toys which might hurt his ego at that age it would have mine LOL now I understand they are teammates. Maybe just come up with some scenarios and tell them you want to role play or something help him get you there
He’s an adult. He can hear feedback – or not. If he gets defensive or explodes, that will give you a lot info about him.
I could be wrong – but I suspect the issue isn’t that he doesn’t care about your pleasure. Like many guys that age, he probably thinks the things that feel good to him ARE (or at least should be) satisfying to you. It’s a tough lesson that our dicks aren’t magic and that women’s anatomy isn’t just an inverse of ours. But he’s GOT to learn it.
Can you direct him in the moment?
Say he tugs off your pants and goes right for the gold. Say, “oh Heyy baby you think you get the goods this easily? Tease me more and make me beg”.
When you’re going down on him and he pulls you up so he can fuck you, say, “oh not so fast…my pussy needs a good licking before you slide in.”
He cums before you and goes to roll over? Say, “I’m still so horny. Can you put your fingers inside me and make me cum?”
I realize that only goes so far. Some guys are dense. But maybe starting out with those hints will help him get the hint, and if he doesn’t and you’ve tried this angle a lot, then maybe you could escalate.
say something like, “hey remember when you came and then got me off with your fingers? That was awesome and Id love for you to do it more often.”
And if that doesn’t work, saying “hey, I love our sex life, but you know how I don’t orgasm as much as you? I think I could. Here are some things that we don’t do very often that would drive me over the edge…”
There’s people who love to please their partner out there. If he can’t meet you in the middle, just remember someone somewhere will. Be honest, that’s the best thing you can do for not yourself but him as well.
He doesn’t invest in your pleasure because he doesn’t care to, and you let him get away with it. Stand your ground and talk to him about making things fair, if he continues to be selfish in bed then leave. Guys that age often need the reality check that women deserve satisfaction too and shouldn’t have to sacrifice it for the sake of a relationship.
Insist he gets you off first every single time. You don’t cum neither does he.
I think there are 2 ways to look at this.
1) He’s a bit clueless about sex – so talking to him and giving him some cues will help
or
2) He is generally unconcerned with the well being of his partner.
If it’s 2…….
WOMEN STOP TRYING TO BE NICE.
i get you love this person but if they loved you they’d put ur satisfaction first or at least try to. I can’t even feel bad for women who are unsatisfied sexually or i can’t make fun of a guy for being bad at sex cause women don’t say anything. If anything they encourage it by faking it or not expressing it. Women please stop faking it literally helps no one.
And let’s be honest if the same dude was unsatisfied he’d let you know nicely or not.
Welcome to the sex life of a woman. I find when you have that discussion with your partner, they attempt to try it your way exactly once and then lapse back into their old schtick. Get a vibrator- it will change your life!
Tell him the truth, if you don’t it will ruine the relationship, communication, communication, communication!!