So there is this girl I see sometimes each week on my train to work, I got to say I find her really attractive and I believe I have a shot, the issue is I find it pretty awkward and cringey to just tell her that I like her and I want to ask her out for a coffee or a walk while on the train and I can’t talk to her outside of it cause she takes the train for just 3 stations. Any advice would be really appreciated.
28 comments
Don’t. She’s gonna reject you 100%
Not trying to ruin your fantasy, but this kind of stuff only works in movies. You know nothing about her (single, married, lesbian, …) And train is not the best place to know someone while in rush or in bad mood going to work. Make sure you don’t embarrass her or yourself while you have to see each other in train everyday afterwards.
Edit: I’ve done that long time ago and now I’m cringing every time I remember how stupid I looked
I had a coworker who met her husband on the train. She was really quiet. I mean really low voice and didn’t speak much. Not my type. Anyway, on her train into the city a man spotted her and finally got the courage to talk to her and asked her out. They both took the same train everyday. I went to her house for a party related to their upcoming nuptials. This was years ago. I quit that job not long after so don’t know anything more.
This is 100% true! She worked at a University and I think he was in Customs.
Don’t. But if you can’t help yourself ask yourself is she even approachable like does listen to music? Well that would seem like she isn’t. Does she even recognise you? You could start with greeting her and build up from there. If you do, give her ALWAYS a way out.
But even with all the tips you could get from here it’s probably better to leave her alone :/
Tough but not impossible. First of all, does she ever even look at you or notice you?
What are you piting on the line besides a temporary feeling of being low.
Idk for me its lil bit creepy if a man ask me out and i dont know who he is
I like if someone speak like 1-3 times woth me and than ask
Maybe shes weird idk its better to speak with her casual First like about the train or weather
Don’t ask her out yet. First you gotta have conversations with her. If you catch her glance, smile, wave, then approach. Just remark you feel you’ve seen her here a few time and thought you can make a travel friend. From there let the conversation take off and before your stop, exchange social media. Women like guys who treat them like humans and not like a goddess date machines. Befriend her instead and see where that goes.
If there’s chance for repeated interaction, you don’t need to be so bold. I’d find something to compliment her on, hopefully something she’s wearing is unique. Then on another day, you should say “hey we should hang out” or “grab a bite”. Make it breezy as if it’s no big deal.
Dont tell her you like her. Just say you see her in the train everyweek nd you thought you would introduce yourself. Thats that. Dont say she is pretty or you want to be friends. Keep it vague and try to keep the convo going. If she is interested enough she would ask to keep in touch with you if not she wouldn’t bother. Thats how you shoot your shot without getting rejected.
Asking out a woman you’ve never interacted with is creepy. Try to be her friend first. You see her on a consistent basis, this is not impossible. Just break the ice in a non flirty way.
Go for it. Follow some of the advice. At the very least you’ll have a story to tell us.
Write a note/letter “….whatever you want…” put it in an envelope and seal it.
Next time you see here give it to her just when you are both about to go your own journey. Give it and run away like a shy little girl, always works for me 👍
Mate you have to give it a chance or you will regret it
Just speak to her and see what’s up
I’m attracted to who’s attracted to me,if there’s a spark it’ll happen
First of all why do you think you have a shot? What do you have that all the other guys who want her don’t have?
Yes it’s cringey to tell a stranger you “want them” based solely on what they look like
ok, so I met my first love on the tube (kind of 30 years ago) and one of my partners (in my late 30s) on the train (yeah, I travel a lot for work). From my experience, I would say that when I was younger, it took a bit longer, we smiled at each other for some time, we even started travelling in the same carriage, so kind of small steps to understanding whether it was mutual…later on in life it was easier I guess:-) we simply started talking about random stuff and noticed we had a lot in common…Good luck with it all and I hope it will work out for you
> to just tell her that I like her
This seems to be a common thing among people who struggle with social skills and with finding people to date: using language that puts an undue level of feeling on a stranger or a near-stranger. If you don’t know someone, then you don’t like them (or in more extreme cases of confessing that I’ve seen, love them). You find this person attractive and you’re interested in getting to know them, based on your observation of how they look and carry themselves. You may have formed an imaginary idea of what this person is like, and that’s what you feel an attachment to. Using more accurate language to yourself and others can help ward off too much anxiety and suffering.
From the woman’s point of view, it’s really obvious when someone approaches us because they like the way we look. Some may like that. Most do not. Some will find it creepy to realize we’ve been observed by some stranger for some time.
You’re getting good advice in the top comments here. If you’re going to talk to her, keep it casual and light. But be aware that the chances are good that not trying anything with her is probably the best option.
Life is only one, my friend. Do what you must.
“First, you do what has to be done. Confidence builds up later in the process.”
Bring chocolate. 🙂
Just say hi and don’t listen to all these commenters projecting their shit on you.
Saying hi to someone isn’t “creepy”. Get a grip, people.
You miss every shot you don’t shoot, that being said shot placement is everything. You may fail but needless to say the opportunity is endless.
🍀 suerte
Ok. I’ll be the seemingly other side of advice here. I am a women in a city that rides a train. What is the harm in being polite, chill and just saying hi ? I fall in love with strangers all the time and I think it is sweet that you feel compelled to ask her out. Maybe she will too. Of course, respect her wishes if she declines and just say, “Thought I’d risk looking like an idiot. Anyways, thanks for hearing me out and I hope I didn’t make you feel uncomfortable”
OP is claiming they like someone they’ve never even talked to. How many women do we hear from who’ve been harassed on public transport by someone whose found them attractive?
It’s not a big leap to think that maybe her looking at OP is misunderstood to mean she’s interested when she might be watching OP because OP is a stranger
You need to introduce yourself and know her a bit first.
If you talked to her too many times, you’ve already shown you lack the courage to interest her that way. You could try a ballsy move with confidence or an invite her for something unconventional. If you accept the first “no”, you shot yourself down. Then you say “But they have X. :)” to convince her. Don’t beg though. Push through awkwardness and read her cues, ignore your anxieties.
Don’t tell her that you like her
Tell her that you run into her on the train often and you would like to ask her out for coffee
So my best advice for you is to start off by being her friend before escalating things any further, if she wants to talk to you. If you haven’t built any rapport with her and you flat out ask her out on the train, it probably will come off as creepy. Not sure where you’re from but where I’m from, I hear stories of women that ride the train getting hit on by all kinds of homeless people and drug addicts so for all she knows, you could be another one of them. Not to mention the train isn’t really a place to socialize unless it travels long distance. Especially in the morning commute most people would rather keep to themselves and get to work.
All of this is from my perspective not as a passenger, but as a train driver.
Tell her that you have a wooden leg.