For context I am an American teaching abroad. A few months into living abroad I got lonely and decided to try the apps. I met a guy and ended up becoming fwb with him. I have never had a fwb before but because I’m a expat I figure it’s the most logical relationship to have.
I think I’m quite traditional and someone who takes relationships pretty seriously. I wouldn’t waste my time dating someone who I can’t see myself marrying or having children with. So to me my fwb is strictly sex.
In the beginning of our relationship my fwb would do things like buy me coffee and text me throughout the day and I asked him to stop because in my eyes that’s more like a relationship. I tried hard to keep the boundaries. Fast forward and I get a new job 2 hours away so I decided to break it off early with him because the sex wasn’t very fulfilling. I realized that I prefer to date seriously. But like an idiot I got horny and invited him over for 1 night and we started all over. I had schedule a nose job during our break and had my operation recently. While I was recovering he was so insistent on meeting up and expressed that he was really excited to see my new nose. I am aware that my features are good and it was just my nose that made my face a bit unattractive but since seeing my new nose he is completely different. He is talking to me about his future career plans, is asking to have late night calls, tries to hold my hand in public, wants to go get coffee and pick me up from errands with no sex afterward. He had also started to ask if he can help me move into my new place, if I can show him around and wanted me to promise that I would show him my face when my nose fully healed in 6 months. I really had no intention of this relationship lasting beyond 6 months… His behavior is weird because he is treating the relationship more seriously and I feel conflicted. He is starting to act like someone I would consider being in a relationship with and I guess I’m upset. Is this change really just because my nose job made me more attractive? Should I give him a chance or does this prove that he is not someone I should date?
TLDR: I got a nose job and nose he is treating our fwb situation like a relationship. Is this a red flag?
3 comments
>Is this change really just because my nose job made me more attractive?
No.
He caught feelings somewhere along the line, and more than likely your surgery and recovery process put you in a ‘weaker’ vulnerable state (as it does anyone post surgery) and it kicked up both his feelings and his desire/need to protect you and care for you.
After any sort of traumatic experience, car accident, mugging, whatever, people often find their feelings are more intense and “clearer” and that is most likely where this is coming from.
It never ceases to amaze me how many people think they can have a FWB relationship without getting feelings involved.
It’s your feelings that drive you to want to be with someone.
People who insist on keeping a FWB arrangement instead of a real ‘relationship’ or people who insist in not labeling a relationship, with few exceptions, are people with personal issues, personal traumas that somehow think by *not* labeling the relationship, or saying, its just a FWB arrangement, they can protect themselves, keep those walls up, and it wont affect them.
Except that’s not how it works. It makes things *worse* in the end. It always does.
I don’t wanna sound like an AH but didn’t you get you the nose job because you felt yourself that your nose was unattractive? If so I don’t think that should be a slight against him if he feels similar.. plus you said he was tryna see you right away, I’m assuming that means during your recovery phase also which isn’t a pretty phase.. idk maybe you’re over thinking it??
You said he was doing this before the nose job.
The guy likes you and if you’re not into that just break it off and leave him alone.