I am one of those. I do realise that i am an asshole for doing it considering its not their fault in anyway possible but the fact that’s simply how i just cope . I have ruined many good relations with people due to this. I disassociate in the name of healing which honestly doesn’t even help. I just live with more guilt and pain. It’s hard to maintain the various social dynamics around me but also equally excruciating to stay alone. If I don’t push them away sooner or later i fear they will, so i simply do it before they do. Which is beyond toxic. i don’t even know how to improve myself . I have just given up.
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Yep. Sometimes, you just need to step back and not spread the toxicity
I think there’s more dimensions when considering a situation. I believe most of us do that to a certain point. And it’s not wrong or selfish, it’s just you trying to survive in this chaotic world.
But the other side is that we don’t actually know what’s going on the other side. It takes years to build trust and faith and can be easily be broken in seconds. The only question you have to ask is, do you still want that person associated to your life. You need to calmly ask yourself that without getting your emotions involved.
I’m guilt of doing that too but I’m slowly trying not be hard on others and as well as myself.
Isn’t this just a post about people, who focus on their own health during seasons they do not take that well?
It is a skill to make oneself time/room in relationships without making the other people feel betrayed/rejected.
I do this more frequently than I’d like to admit. I’ll ghost people I’m interested in talking to, my friends, or even family. I’ll want to reply, or hang out, but it just takes so much energy I don’t have.
I’ve been doing it since 8th grade. The last time I was a consistent extrovert.
So you recognize the behavior. Okay.
What are you doing to cope with it?
Because if you know you do things you don’t want to do, that hurt you, but you don’t ever bother trying to change, then you’re going to get the same results you always get.
I do this exact thing. I didn’t even know other people experienced it. Is there a name for this that we can read more about?
Don’t beat yourself up about it. Trust your people will understand if you tell them the truth:
“I’m going through a tough time right now and I need to go dark to do some healing. This means I may not be as responsive as I usually am if you try to get in touch, but I will notice and still appreciate the fact that you thought of me.”
Honestly, it seems like you have issues with setting up boundaries. If maintaining a relationship with people makes you feel overwhelmed then there’s clearly issues with you setting boundaries. I recently stumbled upon a book called “set boundaries, find peace, a guide to reclaiming yourself” by Nedra Glover Tawwab and it has been very helpful for me. I know it won’t solve all the problems that you’re facing but it’s a step forward. The book shows various examples on how to deal with plenty of circumstance and is very handy and helpful in real life scenarios. Hope it helps. Do let me know if it works.
Indeed, but the truers are the ones that don’t care care after you reconnect after a while and it is just like old times! So keep those ones close.
Life/shit happens, so it’s just about making the best of the moments when you actually can. Everything inbetween can just be forgotten, as long as you don’t hurt others in the process.
Just be yourself and when you are ready to reach out, hopefully all goes well. If they can’t accept you because you were trying to deal with your demons, then they shouldn’t be a true connection in my opinion.
Best of luck OP!
This is a vicious cycle I’ve been dealing with the same thing for years now and the best thing you can do is to feel the fear and accept that you are indeed afraid and you have to be vulnerable to someone close but not everyone.
wow i didn’t know a lot of people experienced this! I used to do this a lot and last time I ended up losing all of my close friends