I dated my ex (we will call him Tanner) for 2 -1/2 years. There have been many conversations of what I needed from the relationship and I finally broke up with him. When this happened, my male best friend (we will call him Dan) told me he has feelings for me and I realized I had them too. Me and Dan have been friends for almost 10 years.
Me and Dan tried to figure out how we could make a relationship work, but because of his job we decided to remain best friends and move on.
I still talk to my ex because I want to be friends with him, but he is beginning to be possessive and he thinks we will be getting back together. Would I like to? Yes, but he will never change and give me what I need in a relationship. I turned my location off on Life360 that we used when we were together and he is mad about it. I also had my bc taken out because I would like to donate eggs and help someone have a family. He started questioning me and telling me he doesn’t want to use a condom when we have sex. Mind you, I don’t plan on having sex with him. He is now calling me 10+ times a day and I (1) don’t know how to get him to stop, and (2) tell him I honestly don’t want to be with him.
How do I tell him, should I tell him, and what do I do?
29 comments
I feel like you should probably have a restraining order against him, what the hell is the amount of reach he has in your life? I wouldn’t worry about telling him, I’d worry about how you’re going to cut him out of your life.
Honestly this is why I have to cut my exs out of my life.
If it’s your exs best friend – seems like you will see your ex from time to time at events. It’s hard to say. You don’t owe it to him but it might make things more diplomatic. Also I worry his reaction. If you do jt. Do it via text or phone.
>I turned my location off on Life360 that we used when we were together and he is mad about it.
hmmm…
>He is now calling me 10+ times a day
the fuck?
This guy sounds possessive. Tell him he needs to calm the fuck down or you’ll block him. You’re probably going to have to block him. Which means he might show up at your house unannounced. You might want to keep a weapon near the door.
In case it’s not clear: he sounds dangerous.
This is a bit off-topic, but how does this happen?
**”When this happened, my male best friend (we will call him Dan) told me he has feelings for me and I realized I had them too. Me and Dan have been friends for almost 10 years.”**
I don’t understand how stuff like that works in real life xD How could you possibly not understand that you have feelings for him while dating your ex for like 2 years? Sounds like a cliche teen movie, or just lying to yourself (rebound).
And why go to a relationship if you like someone else?
1. If you want to stay friends with your ex, don’t talk about you love life
2. You don’t owe your ex anything, not emotional support or anything. You shouldn’t be worried about his feelings now.
3. Seems like your ex can’t be friends with you, take a break from him and potentially revisit it later
Good luck
Stop talking to your ex. You’re doing him and yourself no favors.
Cut contact, date whoever you like.
You need a clean break from your ex. Don’t tell him anything about your life. You are not helping him or yourself by staying in contact.
“Let’s call him Tanner”
Proceeds to never call him Tanner once.
Don’t stay friends for both of your sakes
Block em should have ended it when y’all broke up in my opinion
Stop talking to your ex and change your number.
“Should I tell my ex I am seeing other people?”
“I still talk to my ex because I want to be friends with him, but he is beginning to be possessive and he thinks we will be getting back together. Would I like to? Yes, but he will never change and give me what I need in a relationship.”
“He is now calling me 10+ times a day and I (1) don’t know how to get him to stop..”
In order to *move on* you have to *want to let go*.
You can’t get to second base if you insist upon keeping one foot on first base.
One of the reasons why the “no contact rule” is suggested after a breakup is to allow people to heal and move on from their ex. It’s also unrealistic to expect to go from being “red hot lovers” to *instant platonic friends* with the same love as siblings.
You are the last person who can help him get over you! (And vice versa)
The best friendships between exes usually occurs *after a large gap in time* whereby both people have emotionally moved on and found happiness with others.
You don’t need to tell your ex anything about your private life. It’s none of his business.
You probably should enact *the no contact rule* for about a year. Block his phone number, email address, unfriend him in social media, and avoid places you know he frequents.
Your future lies *ahead of you* and *not* behind you.
If you want something different *you* have to do something different.
***”Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.”*** – Unknown
***”Dating is primarily a numbers game…. People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That’s just the way it is.”*** – Henry Cloud
Best wishes!
🤯 you have to ask? Good God! Don’t become friends with your ex. You are in a new relationship. Tanner seems like a douche anyway. Stay with Dan, and get a restraining order on Tanner…
No.
Yeah, you should be cutting contact with Tanner for both of yours sake. I get wanting to stay friends but he’s acting like a bit of a psycho. Maybe in 6 months or a year you could explore friendship with him.
Also, if you and Dan have decided to stay friends what is there to tell?
He does not care about your feeling. Why do you care for his feelings?
He will shit in your bed if given the opportunity.
If he don’t accept terms and respect what you want Make it clear you dont want nothing from him and then use the block button and move on it’s simple really he is holding on to the hope of getting you back I feel like if you tell him your talking to others it’s gonna make it worse just move on he is gonna be hurt no matter what
It’s sweet, albeit a little naive, that you want to still be friends with him but you have to realize that not everyone is in your life forever. You need to prioritize yourself and your circle (of friends and family) and “Tanner” is never going to be a nice part of that circle.
Give up on being friends with him and move on, which you already understand. You’re asking for how to get him to stop and tell him its over. That’s simple. Be as blunt as you can. “Hey Tanner, leave me the fuck alone. I gave you a hundred chances when we talked about what I wanted from a relationship and it never worked out. I’m done with this relationship and I’m done with you. Message or call me again and I’m getting a restraining order” and then just block him. No need for any answer from him. That’ll only open a dialogue and he clearly doesn’t understand the words coming out of your mouth if he’s never changed.
I know it sounds harsh but if he’s calling 10 times a day, he’s going a little crazy. You have to drop him now before things start getting more and more drastic.
You owe your ex nothing. Block him in every way possible, he is more than toxic. Take some time for yourself. Get in a good place mentally, seek counseling. You’re no good for anyone or yourself if you think for half a moment this is ok behavior. I’d say if you give him anything, it should be a restraining order. Exes are that for a reason.
Block him 💯🚨
Just block his contacts? If he comes and makes a fuss at your house or something then get some protection but my gods, just get rid of him, you don’t need to get the court involved for something so simple.
It is quite simple. You need to be direct with “Tanner”, tell him you do not want to be with him. If he continues to call you, block him. You really don’t have any reason to need him being in your life, because it seems like he’s holding you back. Wishing you the best.
The easy answer is to stop talking to your ex. You already broke up with him. He’s acting extremely possessive and clearly incapable of being friends. You need to remove him from your life.
Be honest with yourself first, I read that you would like to get back with tanner and you do not.
2ndly this behavior tanner shows seems to be hostile, and could lead into something dire, record everything between you and him as evidence for a restraining order and don’t hesitate to use one, you’ve had a sexual relationship he seems desperate always let someone know where you are at
3rdly I do not know where Dan plays in a part of this, your not with him on account of his job, and tanner played no major role in it of calling it off. Yet you specifically wrote a brief history of your relationship. I speak only from my own accolades but don’t we want our S/O to be our best friend? Would it be worth it to risk the biscuit to eat that cake?
4thly the relationship you want with tanner seems to be done, can’t be friends (with behavior he exhibits) can’t be in a relationship with him (not meeting your needs) you owe him nothing. On that note be clear you are done with him, telling him you want to be friends while he obviously pursuits a sexual relationship does nothing to a guy but says you have a chance for a sexual encounter cut it off, let someone know where you at if you decide to do this in person.
Best hopes for you
You know your ex is abusive. Cut him out of your life completely, and reach out to resources that might help you file a restraining order if he escalates things.
Tell him it’s over, block him on your phone, social media, EVERYTHING, and don’t let him contact you through other means either.
>Would I like to? Yes, but he will never change and give me what I need in a relationship.
>tell him I honestly don’t want to be with him.
I would say first you should decide what you really want.
Because you’re not being clear, he is making assumptions based on your behavior and interactions with him, which by your own admission are confusing. (Still in contact, knows he has intentions of getting you back, won’t cut him off or directly say you’re not getting back together, etc.)
From what you’ve described, it’s a very toxic situation and you probably need some healing not only from him, but from whatever past relationships you’ve had. Either way, if you genuinely don’t want him out of your life, you need to set very firm and very clear boundaries. Otherwise, you need to cut him all the way off and be clear and firm with that as well.
Being friends with an ex is emotional taxidermy (where it is like your dog died but your mom said you can still keep it)
It does nothing good for the person who got dumped and marks you as selfish, because of the reasons explained: you do it to make YOURSELF feel better and not take into account how he would react, of course he would think theres a chance to get back together. (Its twisting the knife after stabbing thru the heart)
Move on and let him go, because its better for HIM
Girl, block him on everything and move on with your life.