Firstly, I should point out that I have Aspergers so emotional presence is quite lacking on my face.
For more context, the relative is my great-uncle (grandma’s brother)
To me he was basically another family member you see once a year at best, and while I do value family regardless of presence in my life and respected the man, I just don’t feel as strongly a love towards him as others do, like my grandmother of course.
I’m quite against faking emotions, such as fake smiling in photos or pretending like I care (which the latter I’m rather bad at). I don’t want to act like I’m grieving, because I don’t believe that I am, but I also don’t want my coworkers to think I’m a sociopath.
How can I respond justly?
6 comments
Nod or make your standard affirmative body language, and thank them for their sympathy.
Whether you were close to the relative, there was some tie there that is now severed. Sorry for your loss is a “safe” way to say “I don’t know how you personally feel about the person you have lost, but a death can result in increased stress – I’m sorry that you are experiencing that.”
You won’t be fake at all in that exchange; much the opposite actually. You are thanking them for offering a space in their thoughts to hold concern and care for you. You did not ask them to do this, true, but they have done so all the same and unless there is a specific conflict with the person, then thanking them for thinking of you is pretty typical.
Tl; Dr: Respond with a basic “thank you for caring” sort of response.
Just say “thanks” and if you want you can add something along the lines of “i actually didn’t know him that well” or “we weren’t close” it doesn’t have to be that detailed
I typically get the “I’m sorry” if I mention that my biological dad passed away and I usually say “thanks, I don’t remember him much cus I was 4”
“Thank you”
even though he’s not close, it doesn’t mean one must be cold. he’s still family so should be seen well imo.
“I appreciate it.”
They’re referring to the loss to the family, so even if it didn’t hit you hard, someone in your family is suffering. Also you’ll likely be involved with the process in some way, so it IS affecting you, even if you’re only attending a wake/funeral.
So anyway, saying “thank you” or “I appreciate it” simply means it was kind of them to take the time to reach out and extend condolences.
BTW a smile is not limited to “expressing an emotion.” You can also use it as a tool of communication.
I would jus say “thank you,” and let it go at that.
There are some people that are close to what is a distant relative, so someone offering a word of condolence is erring on the side of caution. There’s no need to clarify how close you are to that relative, of course. Someone just wants to be kind…try to let them be nice.
If they knew that relative better than you and mention something more, just nod.