I [F24] went on a 1st date with a [M27] guy, last week Tuesday, it went really well, he said we should go out again and I agreed, we ended the night with most awkward shortest and polite peck lol, despite him saying he enjoyed my company and wants to see me, I don’t trust him and his intentions, I completely forgot to ask him what he was looking for on the date. He added me to his close friends on insta and texts me but not as often as I would like which indicates to me he is not that into me.
He made a joke about how he is moving out if his apartment in a month which means I have to come and visit before the move, I laughed it off but then he asked me what I was doing on Bank holiday Friday.
He invited me over for “bevvies & chatting shit” but I can’t help but think he just wants to fuck?? I would like believe otherwise because he hasn’t made any sexual jokes and on the date he was very respectful but I don’t want to be naive.
I already accepted because I really like him and tbh I will be so disappointed if he proves me right but not surprised, I just want to know I’m I right to assume he does want to have sex on Friday then?
Edit: Damn yall are so strict over here! but thank you for all the advice guys! even the mean ones.
I realise I could just ask him and get this over and done with but after a string of bad dates and rejections (all with men that I have been told are punching with me), I’m a little scared lol. immature? I know but hey it kinda sucks so I would’ve liked to stay delusional for a little longer.
I do genuinely like him and I know he hosts his friends a lot at his place so I was thinking this was just the norm for him.
The problem is not him being a killer (I literally couldn’t care, you’re talking to someone who is clinically depressed on very high dosages of sertraline), or him just wanting to sleep with me but rather the fact that I genuinely like him and I make it a habit not to sleep with men I like ( it’s toxic but have you done some introspection lately? yeah I bet you’re not perfect either) so I will be inherently more disappointed.
We’ve planned other things past the “bevvies & chatting shit”, I also have my period this weekend and a new intimate piercing so I have reinforcements in place lool, they are flimsy but will work enough for me leave if I want to on Friday
again thank you all, I really do appreciate the advice
33 comments
Just be careful and safe and watch out for red flags! Hopefully this guy just wants to get to know you better
Why would he not?
It’s been one date, he has no idea how much texting you’d like.
he’s not at fault for your failure to ask for clarification or set boundaries.
Men inviting women to their house on a first or second date seems like a great strategy for men.
Women whine about it… but if they like the guy they’ll do it, and if they don’t like the guy, why would he want to take her out on a fancy date?
I think it is pretty obvious he wants sex. I never invite a girl over for the first time unless I plan on smashing lol.
Doesn’t mean he has bad intentions with you though.
Sounds like his intentions are to show off his cooking skills now that he saw you’re not some serial killer after meeting you in public.
“Just wanting to fuck” and wanting to have sex aren’t the same thing. Wanting to have sex does not supersede wanting a genuine romantic connection unless a person isn’t looking for something serious, which is something you should probably figure out before going to his place.
My girlfriend of a year and I had sex on the second date, not because we were out looking for hook up, but because we had some insane chemistry (mentally and physically). If I’m iffy about a person romantically, I’m LESS likely to have sex with them early on even though I’m not opposed to hook ups. If it feels right like it did with my girlfriend, the venue for the date is not going to be a factor – neither of us had cleaned our places in anticipation of bringing someone home, so we booked a hotel room and cut the planned date short.
He just wants to fuck.
And maybe cut you up into pieces and feed you to his cats.
Don’t EVER go to a guy’s place until you are sure he isn’t going to kill you.
You could always text him back and say you’re not quite ready/comfortable to hang out at his place yet and wanna take it slow. Then suggest going somewhere public. If he declines this/complains/seems whiney about it then that is your sign to leave him.
Don’t go to his house.
Unless this guy is clueless, it’s an invitation for sex or a heavy make out session at the minimum. If you accept, expect a move, set your boundaries and stick to them.
Prepare to be disappointed…he’s looking to smash
If you’re uncomfortable, and you have every right to be (I think most women would be, too), do not go over his house. I think that’s too soon and his idea puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on the situation when you’re just trying to have fun and get to know him.
Maybe say: “Hey, there’s this [x] & I’ve been dying to go. Let’s do that instead, then you can take time to practice my favorite dish and swoon me with your cooking skills another night. haha ;)”
“Sorry, it’s a bit early to go to your place, bruv”
Just stick to your boundaries and communicate them. Start with asking him what he’s looking for. Then if he says relationship explain that you need more communication throughout the day and would like texting to increase. And finally tell him you won’t be coming to his place on a second date as it makes you feel uncomfortable and because you want to wait. Don’t just go so you can prove to yourself you were right and he just wants sex.
That’s up to you. I went to bf house after a day out for our second date. It was planned for me to sleep in the guest room but I decided to sleep in his bed. We had sex, it was fun and now have been together for almost 7 months.
If you dont want to have sex yet, a different date might be a better choice even if he doesn’t necessarily intend to have sex with you the conditions of an at home date will make it more likely to happen
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>He added me to his close friends on insta and texts me but not as often as I would like which indicates to me he is not that into me.
How does that indicate he isn’t into you?
The bigger question is do you want to have sex Friday? If you don’t, tell him that. Set a boundary. If he passes that boundary you know he’s no good for you.
He might want to fuck and also date you
I invited my girlfriend over on our second date.
But: I just moved so it was a shopping date because I had nothing in my apartment. AND we already texted beforehand about waiting for marriage.
It all depends on the person, I know the bar is low, but call him and talk about it on the phone so you can also gage his voice. That should help see if he is respectful or just wanna F.
I would straight up tell him you’re not interested in having sex if/when you come over
Fucking you and dating you may be entirely compatible with eachother and fucking needn’t be the high water mark of the relationship for him. It may be a characteristic of the relationship he wants with you and not the be all and end all of the relationship for him.
For you I dare say you are approaching the relationship milestones in a different order with fucking being further along the journey than him.
That expectation and ***what does what we’re individually after look like?*** conversation needs to be had as early as possible so that you can determine whether it’s a journey you can explore together.
Good luck but don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. Communication is key. Have the chat. Whatever the outcome of the chat, you’ll be glad you did.
Just do what makes you comfortable or let him know you prefer something else
also you’re making a lot of assumptions and over analyzing a lot, it was just one date you guys had. Don’t let your assumptions reflect the way you treat him.
> He added me to his close friends on insta and texts me but not as often as I would like which indicates to me he is not that into me
He’s inviting you to hang out, he obviously likes you.
> I just want to know I’m I right to assume he does want to have sex on Friday then?
Probably. If you’re not sexually attracted to him yet, them propose something in public instead or tell him that you like him and want to see him again, but don’t feel ready to have sex yet.
Don’t listen to the dumb comments just telling you to say ‘no’ and reject the date without proposing something else
Get tested first together.
Do not go to a man’s house for date 2. Absolutely no. This sounds like he wants to have sex, zero effort and in general is straight up dangerous
99 times out of 100 they will try to have sex with you on a house date. You specifically said you do not trust him yet. Don’t ever ignore that feeling. I always ask before even going out, I ask as nonchalantly as I can, “are you looking for a hook up, a girlfriend, a FWB or a wifey?” If he says hook up, FWB or “let’s just see” or “I don’t know,” he will 100% waste you time. If he wants a relationship he will say so, probably about 95% of the time they are honest about their intentions. You need to ask this before they have a chance to ask you. I don’t care how much you like him, if you two are looking for different things, at least one of you is going to be really hurt. I personally wouldn’t go to someone’s house unless I was ready to sleep with them and trusted them 100%.
do not go over to his house on the second date. it’s a bad idea. he’s a stranger.
Why does anyone invite someone over for a date ever? It’s because sex is on the table to them. Whether or not it’s on the table for you is up to you in that moment.
You’re not obligated to feel comfortable with his pace; as others have said establish your own boundaries around intimacy in dating and if they like you they’ll understand but they might also choose to look elsewhere (which is also fine mind you).
Everyone has a different pace and that’s OK.
Unless he needs an extra leg for a poker game I can’t think of any other reason a guy invites a girl over except to try and smash. Bar, restaurant, park, movies. There are a million places he could have asked you to meet.
Not safe and unnecessary. He is planning sex. I have had only one man invite me over without expecting sex. He made it very clear and even said I will not try to kiss you. I want to know you better. I was still hesitant but it went well.
Nope. He wants butt. Nope, nope, nope.
I wouldn’t go to his apartment.
I’m citing safety concerns.