Hi everyone! First time here!
I got diagnosed with ghsv-2 a month ago during what appeared to be the primary infection, though obviously I know I can’t be sure!
Though, like anyone, I have some hangups and stuff I need to work through, I consider myself really sex (and kink) positive and educated around sexual health.
I was quite educated about herpes before this – I’d previously had sexual partners who disclosed their ghsv and it hadn’t bothered me. I knew how common it is, how often undiagnosed/asymptomatic it is, and that folks with herpes can still have really active sex lives. And also, that they had no responsibility over my body when it came to herpes, because I was making an informed decision and consenting to have sex with them.
However, since getting diagnosed, I’ve actually started feeling quite anxious and averse to sex – troubling, because I quite like having it!
Now that I have a diagnosis, it feels like I’m having trouble applying that same sex-positivity and awareness that I had/have for other people to myself.
I’m struggling with feeling like it’s irresponsible to have sex, like I’m not allowed to flirt or even be sexy anymore.
I feel like I have a responsibility to protect people from the threat of my herpes (by not having sex). It sucks – it’s like I’m buying into the stigma now that it’s happened to me. I feel tainted.
I move in pretty open and sexually aware circles. While I know it adds an extra layer of complexity, I’m not scared about disclosing. I’m used to having regular sexual health discussions with partners. I know what precautions to take, though I know the chance can never be zero. And… I know that ultimately I’m not in control of whether they’re okay with it or not. I’ve already been on non-sexytime dates with a couple of people and they’ve been totally unbothered by me disclosing (just like I was with other people!). But still… I feel like I’m not even letting myself take the first step.
I guess to anyone with a similar experience… how did you get past the feelings of shame, pre-emptive guilt and burdensome responsibility?
How did you actually start applying your own sex-positivity and knowledge about sexual health to yourself after your diagnosis?
How did you give yourself permission to get back to banging (ethically and responsibly)??
Thank you so much!
1 comment
I mean you’ve just got the diagnosis 2 months ago. Its still fresh and raw no matter how sex positive you are. Just like HIV/aids there is a stigma around it. You probably just haven’t given yourself enough time to process it and accept it despite you telling yourself your okay with it. Somehow your body is not connecting with your brain. Know that as long as your levels are low/within normal limits, you’ve been on medication and you aren’t in an active outbreak and use protection it is totally OK to have sex. You are making people aware you have it and if they consent to still have sex with you that’s on them! You constantly worrying about infecting them is understandable but you need to stop worrying about that. It’s not your job to worry about that if they still consent to sleep with you as you have given them the information they need to make an informed decision. Of course with anything, they are consenting to have sex with you with the possibility of transmitting but the odds are incredibly low. Be informed, have fun and be safe.