I (f18) have been w my girlfriend (f22) for a while now and everything was perfect the first year but then I started feeling unfulfilled more often.
She’s perfect, she’s obsessed w me she tries to communicate everyway and remind me she loves me every 3 minutes. Sometimes I feel like it’s too much and sometimes too little, or like not the exact way I want to be treated.
My issues in the past were with our sex life, she had some insecurities so she didn’t initiate as much as me, and I’ve always had the higher libido, so when we talked about it she started doing it more often. I thought that was the solution, now it feels just ‘forced’ when she reassures me it isn’t.
We did take a couple breaks in the past that didn’t last long because she texts me and comes to see me at uni, then I just miss her too much and we get back together, but what scares me is that I didn’t mind not being with her, and even felt some relief during our short breaks.
Is simply not feeling fulfilled a good reason to breakup? Even when your partner is willing to try and fix it? I just feel lost and don’t wanna break her heart. Thank you all
tl;dr is not feeling fulfilled a good reason to leave a great partner?
3 comments
So it was ‘perfect’ when she was a 21 year old dating a 17 year old? When she was taking advantage of a minor?
The title says it all. It’s just not for you. You know she cares, but it’s not the way you like to be cared for. You feel relief when you’re apart because you don’t have to keep up the stressful pretence of having to validate and show appreciation for things that you don’t, deep down, find gratifying. Yes, simply not feeling fulfilled is a good enough reason to break up. There is no bad reason to break up with someone, because there’s no good way to break up with someone. It’s an entirely subjective and often unpleasant experience, but the alternative is swallowing your feelings and ignoring your own needs so you can make someone else feel better under false pretences. The kindest thing you could do is break up with her to find someone who appreciates how she expresses her love, and so you can find someone who expresses love in a way you appreciate.
> Is simply not feeling fulfilled a good reason to breakup?
Yes, it is a very valid reason.
Also, OMG the age difference is ridiculous.
In and of itself, the four years is not much, it is more about life stage difference.
I see from one of your comments that you were the one to instigate the relationship, but still it leaves me shaking my head.
OP, to give you an idea of what we are talking about, this would be like you, at 17 years old, dating a 13-year old, who would just be starting middle school while you would be finishing high school.
Despite the age and life stage gaps, OP you do come off as the more mature of the two of you.
I get the sense that you are picking up on her immaturity.
From your post the things that I noticed:
* She’s clingy
* She doesn’t communicate her wants / needs but does anything to ‘keep’ you.
I see you as being authentic and her as trying to fit into whatever mold that she thinks she needs to fit to keep you.
I think that her lack of being authentic is what gives you the sense of relief for those times that you broke up.
Also it is telling that you broke up at least two times within a year. You are not a match though you may be physically attracted to her.
Break up again and really enforce the No Contact boundary this time around.
Trust your gut that something is not right and act upon it.