After 1.5 years of dating, the initial great (and often!) sex has come to a dry barren desert land…my confidence has dried up with it. Think tumbleweeds and animal carcasses.
No kisses, no touching and no sex. I even tried reinventing myself over the last few months trying to figure out the secret to getting him to fancy me again.
After some extreme dieting and the finding a hard landing at rock bottom for my confidence, I decided to ask him straight. “I got the ‘ick’ as you smelt a bit under your arms a few times during sex so I don’t want to do it”.
I’ve never been told I smell, quite the opposite actually from friends…and strangers.
New insecurity unlocked.
I can’t see a strong relationship coming from no affection.
What do I do now?
31 comments
It sounds like it’s a deal breaker for him, so I’d break up. I personally am okay with sweaty sex, but it sounds like it isn’t his thing.
Break up with him. Find someone who likes how you smell.
Edit: I’m totally serious, I don’t think there is any future in a relationship with someone who doesn’t like how you smell.
Edit: also be more direct in the future. Months of dieting and reinventing before you asked what happened to the sex? Cmon.
>What do I do now?
Run. lol
Seriously though, body odor is a natural part of life. It would be one thing if it was an all the time smell, but jfc, you had some armpit odor “a few times” and now he doesn’t want sex anymore? When my husband is smelly we take a shower before we bang, or I say “hey babe you’re kinda stinky” and he washes up, his work can be physically intensive, it’s gonna happen sometimes. And maybe you didn’t smell or maybe you did but if he can’t communicate and instead shuts down sex indefinitely, he shouldn’t be in a relationship.
It’s a “deal breaker” for him and a red flag for you. Sounds like extreme negging on his part or he just wants to end things and doesn’t have the confidence to do so. In any case,this relationship isn’t doing anything for you so let that man go and find someone better
Either there’s more to it than that or he has unrealistic expectations and poor communication and problem solving skills.
If there was indeed some odor that he found unpleasant, the appropriate response to that would be to (sometime later), as gently as possible, mention it and suggest a quick wash and maybe deodorant application before starting sex. Withdrawing and never wanting sex with your partner again is quite extreme and an unhealthy response.
If you suggest that you’ll do a quick rinse there and he’s still uninterested, then honestly I think you should consider looking for a new partner. A relationship without affection and sex is not, IMO, a romantic relationship, but just a friendship, and is really frustrating to the partner that still wants those things. You’re still young, so you have plenty of time to find someone who is more affectionate and can handle minor issues in a better way.
I’m a dude. My wife’s armpits stink and I fucking love it. You have to love the way your partner smells. It’s very primitive.
Break up. It’s not even the smell thing, it’s that instead of communicating that you had a little BO so you could shower/clean up and get back to a healthy relationship, he just kept quiet and then withheld all affection until you broke and asked why. That’s a stupid ass way of him to handle a really minor concern.
BO can be a serious turnoff, but if this was never an issue with anyone but him (*and* nothing has changed health or hygiene wise) this is a him problem.
There are some people who sweat a very attractive scent (to you) and others an awful scent. My ex had the most amazing scent. Still smelled like sweat but it was so attractive! He didn’t get what i liked so much about it. Never met anyone with the “attractive sweat” in my life except for him.
If he not only doesn’t like your BO but also doesn’t communicate about it for months, this relationship is doomed
I once read a story in here about a young man who was advised to tell his girlfriend she smelled. This would assure she was paranoid about her hygiene and would become insecure about it.
I’ve read two posts on Reddit where this was a thing. Both women obsessed over their BO, showered multiple times per day but their partners kept insisting that they still smell. If my memory serves me well, it was about lowering their self-esteem and control.
If after 1.5 years of dating, your SO can’t open his mouth and communicate his feelings, this relationship isn’t salvageable.
His interest is either already gone onto someone else or he wants you so broken you stay and his abuse becomes more than this stupid mind games or both.
My recommendation is, leave. Establish a plan to safely exit this relationship and then become the person you lost while dating this person.
I’ve been married 23 years. Sometimes my junk is smelly. My wife tells me and I shower. She’s much more into it when I’m clean and I’d rather her camp down there vs. Just a short wave hi. Same with my wife. Just the other day she got into bed naked and there was this smell coming from crotch. I was like “babe, when was the last time you showered?”
She knew I was right. It’s no reason to cut off sex entirely but you also have to be aware of yourself and have 2 way communication.
he’s just not into in general anymore . MOVE ON !!!!!!! It’s definitely NOT HOW YOU SMELL. If my girl did have all FUNK ON HER for whatever natural reason . I would hand her a stick of DEGREE AND TAKE HER TO POUNDTOWN
He’s too old for you too. You need to smell like werthers and caramel
Pheromones aren’t compatible for him or he’s full of shit. Either way, don’t stay.
Who doesn’t get a little stinky on their armpits from sex? It’s sex! It gets sweaty 😭
If any man makes you feel less than, you pack up your stuff and go and prove to him that you know your worth. Build a new and happy life for yourself that doesn’t have him in it.
I am reminded of a post where the young lady’s bf was constantly telling her she stank. Spoiler alert: she didn’t. His father had told him this was how to keep a woman because she would never have the confidence to leave him. He told her this when, at the urging of her friends and all of reddit, she broke up with him. Cried and begged her to take him back. She didn’t. It was justice porn.
Dump him.
I wish guys were forced to smell the nastiness that is their cock and balls after a night out.
This is rough. If he’s holding this over you in order to give you/show no affection, then it may be time to cut bait.
he doesn’t like your pheromones. Dump him and find someone who will lick your armpits if they could.
It’s a trick. They tell you that so you are too busy trying to make sure you don’t smell and you keep feeling bad about it. There is another problem he is not telling you.
He’s lying to you about your smell because he’s cheating or wants to cheat and is looking for an excuse. No man is worth it if all he’s going to do is destroy your self-esteem. Dump him like a hot rock.
Take cinnamon capsules and drink pineapple juice/smoothies.
Also, if you stink to your partner or vice versa, it means you two are biologically incompatible. Find someone who loves the smell of you even when you are freshly sweaty from the gym
I call BS. First off if you smelled “a bit” under your arms “a few times” no guy I know would use that as a reason for not having sex. Secondly, why not just say “hey maybe try a new deodorant” or hell maybe just suggest a shower before sex. So its BS. He his having some issues around sex and making it your fault. That’s abusive.
Break up.
Lol leave him. This is so weird
Leave. For some reason he wants you to, he just doesn’t want to be the bad guy. Honestly at this point in life (48 on Friday and perimenopausal), I could go without sex itself, but all the other stuff? Not so much. That’s not sustainable. And I’m someone who gets touch averse quite often, but I still need my person to hug me.
I hope you see my message amongst all these replies – my ex husband used to tell me I smelt bad, I didn’t, I asked everyone else around me and even current people I’ve dated and they all tell me how great I smell. Hygiene and good health is my priority, what I realised was that my ex husband was the one who didn’t take care of himself and smelt bad (I was too nice to say anything) and instead he would gaslight me. I think this is the end of your relationship
Dump him like you would flush an offensive turd!!
Throw the whole boyfriend out