I’ve been talking to a very attractive girl for about 2 months. I myself am an average guy. Maybe even a bit below. I’m 5’6, skinny, have an average face etc. while she can catch the attention of many guys. She is very curvy and fit from the gym.
Just yesterday this girl planned a date for us and wants to eat out with me. I was surprised. I never expected a girl to ask me out. She then wrote a paragraph, and hinted that she likes me because I’m a very honest, kind and nice person. That it’s hard to find a person like that nowadays.
I know it’s a compliment, but I’m very insecure. What if a super attractive guy approached her? Would I just be left? I didn’t realize people could be attracted to those qualities to pursue romantic interest.
Should I go out on a date with her given my insecurities? Is she just being nice? Anyone please give your input on this situation.
Edit: I am going out with her. She is currently planning a day for us to go.
32 comments
Falling for someone’s personality is an indication of maturity. Physical beauty will always fade.
You’re searching for reasons to self-sabotage.
Think about solutions to problems as they come instead of making up possible scenarios for the future. It’ll prevent you from enjoying the present.
Work on your insecurities in your own time, while also giving yourself and other people good experiences.
I’m guessing you’re pretty young and inexperienced at relationships. Nothing wrong with that, it’s simply an observation. Take advice from a old man married for 30 years – honesty, kindness, and genuine niceness are the things long term relationships are built on. There’s always someone better looking, no matter how hot you are. The kind of people who would leave you for next cute face that comes along are not the people you want to be with anyway. You need to find a way to overcome your insecurities. This girl has clearly seen the very positive in you. Not sure how you should go about dealing with those insecurities – therapist maybe? – but confront them head on. My guess is you’re a great person who hasn’t had experience with girls mature enough to recognize it – until now. DATE THIS GIRL AND HAVE FUN!
OP font fumble the ball on the one yard line.
¯_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_/¯
I’m going to let you in on a secret. Nice guys win all the time in dating and the men that complain about nice guys finishing last usually aren’t actually nice. It’s just a coping mechanism for their struggles with women.
You’re the bad guy in your own story, my dude.
Stop trying to sabotage yourself, go out, have fun. Insecurity is ugly, and toxic, and will make your life miserable. She sees something great in you, lean into it. Trust that if she can see it, it’s true and you have something to offer. More than looks.
Girl somewhat near your age here, I’ve found that the more I like a guy’s personality, the more I find him physically attractive. Looks can grow on you, but a bad personality is a bad personality. Some girls just aren’t that looks-oriented. 🤷♀️
If she’s telling you she likes you for those reasons, give it a go!
So, let me clue you in on something:
You passed her preliminary mate selection criteria.
She find you physically, attractive enough, and personally suitable.
Your job at this time is:
1. Do nothing that convinces her she made a mistake.
2. Actively listened to her.
3. Continue doing what you were doing before which got you passed her selection criteria.
Beyond that, iron, your shirt, wear a pair of clean pants, go get a haircut and make sure your nails are trimmed.
Also, clean up your apartment, clean up your car and make your fucking bed because you might be using it in the near future.
Don’t let your insecurity get in the way of a good thing.
She likes you for you. If she’s as attractive as you say, I’m sure she’s had her fair share of “super attractive guys” and found that’s not what she wants. She wants a nice, honest guy like she said. She also wouldn’t go for you for only those qualities I’m sure sure attracted to you as well.
Go for it my friend
Stop those thoughts. Live in the moment and don’t let your insecurities take precedent over what she is saying/doing. She also probably wouldn’t want to date if she wasn’t somewhat attracted to you bro she is just focusing on you having a good personality so take it in stride.
Bro wants to destroy his own dream come true scenario
Run dude, she’s an alien!!!
Jokes aside, what exactly is the problem here? If you’re interested in her, then go out on the date.
Someone else said it OP but I’ll reiterate it cus it’s the best answer: physical looks get you in the door, but for a lasting relationship personality is king. Accept that fact that she thinks your good enough for her, date her and try to feel good about it, and simultaneously work on those insecurities, slowly but surely – gym, therapy, keeping yourself well groomed and good looking. That’s the only answer. Accept it, go for it, work on yourself as you go. Beat of luck.
💯 you are overthrowing it. Attraction is subjective, and generally, guys that you’re thinking of are assholes.
My husband is a 5’5″ stocky (but fit) AAPI dude, but his smile is the most precious thing I’ve ever seen, he’s so sweet and kind, he has a great since of humor, and he is doing his best to take care of us.
I’m currently pregnant, and he’s doing such a fantastic job. He also seemed to be not so confident in the beginning and I had to make a lot of first moves, but he’s very devoted and I could not be happier.
There is a chance this lady is the same way about you. You won’t know if you back out.
Don’t sabotage this lol work on your insecurities and don’t project! If you want a healthy relationship then you need to enter it with a healthy mindset
It sounds like you’ve found someone who genuinely values your qualities and personality. Remember, attraction isn’t solely based on looks. Your honesty, kindness, and niceness hold a lot of weight in building a meaningful connection. It’s normal to feel insecure, but don’t let that hold you back. This girl sees something special in you, and her gesture of planning a date speaks volumes about her interest.
Give yourself a chance and go on the date. Focus on getting to know each other better, enjoy the time you spend together, and let your authentic self shine. If she appreciates you for who you are, that’s a wonderful foundation for a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
Please go. This is an amazing opportunity that you absolutely must take. Go and make sure you treat her well. But have fun
Go! If you don’t want to self-sabotage I would work on your self-esteem because low confidence is a turn-off for many
Report back after the date. This is exciting.
Don’t self-sabotage. That’s what the rest of the world is for. Take the win, ride the ride until you can’t.
As a woman, I’ve had so many dates ruined due to the guy simply not believing that I enjoy their company and letting their insecurities get the best of them.
She asked YOU out! If she thought you weren’t worth her time, she wouldn’t waste it. If she wanted someone more attractive, she’d go for them.
Enjoy the date, and don’t say anything depreciating. Maybe you’ll have a connection and maybe you won’t. But you’ll never know if you don’t take the chance!
You’re thinking through your insecurities. You’re not aware of what’s happened to her before and if you read other threads where women say they’re being led on by men, you’re the opposite and she likes that.
If she likes you, go for it
Live the experience, man. The internet is the absolute WORST place for a man about to go out on a date to ask about his insecurities. She’s choosing what she wants to do, let her.
Im sure youre giving yourself less credit in the looks department than you deserve, but if a woman says she likes you for the way you act, not the way you look, she REALLY likes you.
I learned as people get older and mature, looks kind of go out the windows. Of course your going to go after someone your attracted to but it’s not the first thing you go for. She sounds like a very mature woman, and she’s the one planning the date, bro that’s a huge win for average guys everywhere!
She genuinely likes you and you should be proud of receiving this type of like. This is one of the best type of attraction there is.
Dude treat her right and don’t worry about your insecurities and such for those 3 attributes she named is what she wants! That’s you buddy!
These are the best possible reasons to be into someone.
Hello I am a girl who goes for personality first. I like honest, nice, and kind guys. If you’re attractive but an a-hole I’m not going to go for that. But average looking but treats me well? I’m all over it.
She likes your personality, and if you click and treat her well this will make you even more attractive to her. One attractive dude likely won’t make her change her mind.
You’re a glass half empty kind of guy, huh? I’ve been there. All 20+ something years of my life. But when I finally chose to stop looking or trying, BOOM. A guy. And not just any guy. A guy way out of my league. I’m 5’2. Fat. Old. I’m not flat chested, but I have no bum. So wtf is this tall, thin, fit, good looking dude doing with me? That’s everyone’s question around us. But he’s happy. I’m happy. I love him and he loves me. We have amazing communication and we feel comfortable speaking our feelings out loud and asking questions rather than assuming. I promise you that liking someone for their kindness and for their soul is real. These people help you heal and build your self esteem. This man worships the ground I walk on. Loves every inch of me. Literally. So have faith. That’s the best I can say. Be you. Don’t get shy because it gets intimate. She likes you for you already. Dont create another personality for her. FAITH.
Try to work through your insecurities. You WANT someone who is attracted to you for your personality, not looks. Looks fade. Mature people know that. Also, she may be demisexual, where physical attraction comes based on an emotional connection (something she may have Witt you due to those qualities in you she likes).
Try to remember if she wanted those other guys she could have them. She wants to go on a date with YOU.