So, backstory, I have a lot of sex toys. They’re not mass produced simple dildos you can find at spencer’s, they’re all purchased from various indie sex toy makers. All of them are expensive and frankly irreplaceable – toy makers that closed down years ago, models that were retired, really specific customs (not just like “i want that dildo in the color blue!” but “custom poured in shimmering black opal/translucent sea green that ripples in stripes and there’s only one like it in the whole world”). A lot of them I just got because they look cool to me (I know that’s a bit silly, but I have actually had partners immediately say the same!)I have used several of them before with various partners. Unfortunately I’m not entirely sure which were used with other people, but all have been disinfected and cleaned thoroughly every time they’ve been used.
My new boyfriend of 2 months thinks it’s super gross I keep them around. He says it’s unsanitary and I need to get rid of them. He also doesn’t like that most of them are not explicitly human (a lot of tentacles and such. admittedly some of them are pretty freaky, lol) so that might be a factor to consider. I offered to get new ones and simply put my collection in a box for personal use and he repeated that it’s unsanitary and that it’s odd that I’m attached to them. Our relationship/sex life is fine otherwise (though sadly I do wish we could use the kinky toys instead of just having vanilla sex always, but i don’t think he’ll ever budge on that which I’m ok with.)
I’ve been poking around on reddit and similar issues have gotten overwhelming “yes, that’s gross, throw them out” responses, with a lot of people saying it’s expected to throw away old dildos and buy new ones when you get into a relationship. I haven’t seen a lot of people saying it’s normal to keep them around.
Should I get rid of them? Is there anything else I should try suggesting to my boyfriend?
Edit: I spoke to him and he suggested I be allowed to keep one of his choice. I told him I would think about it but it just feels a bit unfair…
34 comments
If they are not physically damaged and have been sanitised keep them. People eat with utensils at restaurants, how many strangers mouths have those utensils been in.
If he doesn’t like them, it sounds easier to replace him than to replace them.
Not at all
Please don’t remind him that your vagina has been shared with other people. His mind might explode. 🤯
I wouldn’t expect so, as long as everything is cleaned. There’s no need to give details, either.
Now, if it were a molded piece specific to a person, like one of those clone-a-willy kits? Yeah, that would be weird to keep.
Keep them, I would. His logic doesn’t make sense. They have always been in your possession since you bought them, what makes that unsanitary?
Should he throw out all his underwear? How about the tooth brush, hair comb, shoes, matress, sheets? That’s literally the same… things you use that have been touching junk or used for personal care.
No it’s not expected. When my partner found out I have toys he was excited lol
I am not parting with my Bad Dragon collection over a failed relationship! They cost HUNDREDS of dollars! You can literally boil them!!
Tell him Reddit said to get a grip
Guys getting funny over your toys is a 🚩
Sounds immature on his part. You can try and work through it or cut your losses. His insecurities shouldn’t hinder your access to pleasure.
Absolutely not! That is crazy!
Keep them, keep them all!
If anything gets tossed, it’s the boyfriend. And I don’t mean tossing his salad I mean tossing him out.
If your toys were used for anal play on one of your previous partners – MAYBE in that case it would make some sense he doesnt want to use them. If those toys were only used on you it absolutely makes zero sense. As long as you keep them sanitized and there are no breaks in the materials where bacteria could be hiding you’re good. And why does he care if you put them in a box and get new ones he can use on you? It sounds like he’s jealous and wants to control what you use on your own body. I’d toss the whole man in the trash if he made a big deal out of this.
Nahhh he doesn’t have to use them but he has no right to say what you do with them
If you cleaned and sanitized them like you said, there’s no need to dispose of them. I’s not gross at all, assuming they’re made out of safe materials.
Nope, keep them
If he’s had sex with other people, tell him he has to get rid of his penis.
I don’t see how toys are any different than an actual penis. If you clean and sanitize there shouldn’t be an issue
Then he can put forth the money to replace them all.
Or he can grow up.
So basically you have suppressed your fondness for sex toys and part of your sexuality for your boyfriend. Even though you feel your “good” sex life is vanilla and you want to bring those toys to life.
Tell him to throw out and replace all of his clothes since he’s used them before; it’s not sanitary. Maybe he’ll realize how ridiculous and illogical he sounds.
If they are yours keep them. You bought uou use them plain and simple, om not tossing my dildos and vibrators away for no man or woman. I use them on myself for my pleasure
No it’s not normal to throw out all your sex toys. They’re YOUR toys. It sounds like you two probably aren’t compatible with your sexual values if he feels that way.
Relationships come and go but set toys stay with you forever. You boyfriend is unsecure and immature in this regard. Also, they are not unsanitary since you clean them after use. If you want to make him feel good, put them somewhere in a box for future uses.
It sounds like it would be way easier to replace the boyfriend than your collection. Seems like the logical choice.
Is he able to explain what is particularly unsanitary about them?
You’ve had other people over to your house, and they’ve put utensils in their mouths, and you’ve washed them, and still have them. Why is this different?
Get rid of the bf
It’s weird that he cares and shows a level of immaturity, if you throw them away and ‘keep one of his choice’ you’re letting him control you very early on and could regret the pattern the of behaviour that he thinks is acceptable going forward
In my past relationships most of my partners LOVED the fact that I had toys. Would want to use them on me or watch me. Only had 1 ex that hated them and he was insanely insecure and jealous. He was batshit crazy. I ditched the man and kept my toys LOL
This ain’t about the toys it’s about control. Those things are expensive. How would he feel if you threw his computer or video games away?
Absolutely not. As long as they’ve been thoroughly cleaned after each time, they’re perfectly fine. Does he think your vagina is gross too?
He’ll “allow you” to keep one? Kick this guy to the curb immediately.
Yall are two months in this relationship. You can compromise by moving them in a box and out of sight. What if it doesn’t work out? Then you have no man and no toys that you really enjoyed.
Keep them for awhile at least.
If you’ve used them on other people, then he has every right to ask that they not be used on him.
But if they’re for you, then him asking you to get rid of them is a major red flag. I would at least understand if he’s not self-confident enough to use them with you, but to demand that they be thrown out? Ridiculous.
replace the dude not the toys.
Girl the edit is killing me. Grow a spine and stand up for yourself.