Hi, I’m about to lose my V-Card this week, and I’m feeling extremely nervous
Years of porn consumption made me very self-conscious about sexual performance and the idea of mate value associated with it.
I don’t really feel masculine enough as I constantly compare myself with other men, despite having no sexual experience whatsoever. I know porn is not an accurate depiction of what sex is though, but the idea that as a virgin I won’t be able to last long enough to satisfy my partner is really messing with my head.
That’s why I have a few question, I’d love to hear your perspectives on.
What should I do to last as long as possible?
What can I do to make the experience more enjoyable for my partner?
How long does it take to get used to sex, so I can freely enjoy it without setting the new Guinness Record for the fastest cum blast each time I get to clap cheeks?
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6 comments
So generally I last longer than most females. But there is a few women I have slept with, that I can’t last as long because they feel so good. But you just have to feel it out first. Because you’ll be surprised. And the biggest thing about making it more enjoyable for your partner is effort. As long as you give it your all, and are not selfish, you’ll make them happy.
Take things slow. Try to use foreplay to get her in the mood so that she is comfortable. Then start with slower sex then speed up. It will help your mind adjust to the new experience. Good luck!
>What should I do to last as long as possible?
Wear a condom. That ought to be enough.
So, here’s the thing: your hand is not a vagina. (I hope this isn’t a surprise to you. 😉 ) Your hand *does not feel like* a vagina — meaning that your penis is accustomed to feeling certain things and is *not* going to feel those things during intercourse. It’ll be similar but not identical. Finally, your hand is a lot more efficient at coaxing an orgasm out of you, simply because you *control* your hand and can get it at just the right angle, and just the right intensity, and just the right speed. It’s much harder to accomplish this with someone else’s vagina, which you do not control and which *she*, for that matter, does not control either.
So between it feeling different than you’re used to, and the condom, which makes it feel *less* than you’re used to, you’ll probably be fine. At least, I was. I, like you, shared a fear of blowing too quickly, but before much time had passed, my fear had not only disappeared, it had reversed: I was now unsure I’d be able to finish at all! >D
>What can I do to make the experience more enjoyable for my partner?
Ask her what to do to her clitoris with your mouth and your fingers, and then do those things. Statistically speaking, 70-80% of women do not experience orgasm during intercourse. It still feels good to them, but not good *enough* to push them over the edge. If you want to do *that*, you’ll want… your fingers and tongue. So ask her how she likes them used on her.
Hope this helps!
Accept that you won’t. Instead focus on going for a second round or focusing on her when you do cum quickly.
Ask! Ask what feels good, where it feels good, which motions are good, etc. talk way more than you think you should (you’ll still be under communicating).
Wrong thing to think about. Instead view sex as a new form of play and enjoy exploring each others’ bodies and sensations.
“What should I do to last as long as possible?”
Don’t try and last a long time unless your partner explicitly says she wants that. It’s very rare that a woman gets off via PIV (intercourse). The “dicks cause female orgasms thing” is a borderline myth perpetuated by hollywood and mainstream porn. Your time is much better spent figuring out what *does* get her off, and then doing that instead of stressing about a borderline fantasy scenario where a woman is going to climax after precisely 60 minutes of being fucked.
“What can I do to make the experience more enjoyable for my partner?”
Go into it knowing that the best way to be a great lover is… being skilled at communicating! You need to learn what she wants, and you need to tell her what you want. You don’t have to do this during sex – it’s also great to do it before or after (during non-sexy time).
Check out the post pinned to the top of my profile – there’s a lot of great stuff there, including a how-to on eating pussy, tips on condom sizing (standard is actually smaller than average), a “porn vs reality” list, info on STIs, and more.
You have the totally wrong approach. Sex isn’t something you should be setting performance goals, especially for your first time. It makes no sense for you to demand of yourself that you do a great job at something you’ve never done before.
The way to approach a sexual encounter is to be grateful that someone is getting naked for you and letting you rub their naked body and wanting to try to get you off. And you are doing the same for them. Feast your eyes on their appearance and feast your skin, from head to toes, on rubbing and pressing against them.
The most reliable way for a female to get an orgasm from a partner is oral sex, having her clitoris licked. It’s not a complicated skill, but don’t be surprised if you don’t succeed on the first try.
You hinted you’re afraid of coming too soon. You didn’t say that you have an actual inability to not come soon. By this point in your life, you probably have discovered that when you keep on masturbating in a single session, that is, you give yourself 3, 4, 5 orgasms in half an hour, then each successive orgasm take longer to make happen. There you go, if you come too soon in your first orgasm, do two rounds or three.