Hi Redditor’s,
With my divorce nearing completion after a two year separation I’m looking to dip my toe back into the dating world and I’m hoping to get some help refining my profile before creating a new account. Below you’ll find my best attempt at a bio and potential pics [here](https://imgur.com/a/pwOuLzL) numbered for your convenience. My goal is to date with the hopes of finding something serious but I am very happy and content with my life currently so I’m in no rush. I want to find the right one not just anyone.
Some other pertinent info that you may find relevant but I didn’t include in the main bio to keep it short and sweet:
– 2 young kids (3&5) shared custody, coparenting very well.
– software engineer
– main hobby is hiking (outdoor walks in general) but I’ve started to get into sea swimming and kayaking. I’d also camp more but the weather has not been great this year.
– I do go to the gym a lot which is important to me but I wasn’t sure how to work that in without sounding like a gym bro.
– I’ve tried to include group photos but I really don’t have any good ones with my club. I’m always in the back of the pics.
– I’m not sure if I should include my insta as I tend to think women who include it are only looking for followers. It’s mostly just outdoor photos.
– Another potential sign off I considered was creating an opening by asking a question e.g. “What’s your favourite mountain and why?” but maybe that would be better for Bumble.
– I tried for a casual shirtless photo but I’m not sure I’ve pulled it off or if women even like those.
– Any other idea’s to help standout from the crowd?
“Hi there!
I’m a friendly, happy and outdoorsy Father of two who loves staying active and exploring new places.
Whether it’s battling a wave, DIY or finding someone normal on tinder I’m always up for a good challenge.
When I’m not outside, you can usually find me reading a book, streaming a show or playing the odd video game.
I’m looking for someone who enjoy’s a hike, the odd paddle in the sea and shares my love for life.
Fancy an adventure together? “
23 comments
I’d suggest waiting until your divorce is complete and you are no longer actually married.
A few things from 40F
– Your shirtless pics are not needed and could be viewed negatively. We can tell you’re fit from your pics, that’s good enough.
– Your pics are good. The smiling ones are best. And make sure to show one without a hat.
– The part about finding someone normal on tinder comes across as jaded and negative. If you want something along those lines… Maybe a challenge in stealing your heart (meaning the reader’s heart)
– Don’t capitalize father, that would refer to a religious figure
– there’s no apostrophe in “enjoys”
I like that none of the photos are explicitly goofy – it expresses good comfort in your own skin and some confidence. As a bonus, you are good looking!
A couple small critiques:
>When I’m not outside
I think I’d like a picture not outside, or at least not in adventure clothes.
Also, almost all of your pictures are selfies or highly posed. In general, people like photos of themselves that are selfies or posed because they control how they look and can present themselves the way they see themselves. Photos taken by other people illustrate how others see you and can give your viewers a different perspective of who you are. Photo 1 and 4 are examples of this. While photo 1 is good, it kind of looks staged, like it reminds me of the opening credits of a 1990s sitcom. So while 4 might not be the best photo of you, and it is slightly posed, there is something to be said for it as one of the most honest photos of you.
The shirtless pictures are bad. It’s not even so much that you’re shirtless, I think it’s more the fact that you’re getting undressed that feels *too* intimate, and not something someone who barely knows you is going to want to see.
I like picture 10 of you the most. I would definitely use that one. Picture 11 is also good.
All of your pictures feel the same, however. It seems like you thought “well, it’s time to get my profile together!” and took them all in one weekend.
Kids can be a deal breaker for people. I’d absolutely put it in your profile to save everyones time
This is giving Seattle, am I right? A few things based on your questions – I don’t mind shirtless pics sometimes, but I’m not into the ones you picked. Feels a little forced versus ‘a friend snapped a pic of me at the beach bonfire.’
I like pics 1, 10, and 4. If you are in Seattle or another city with a big hiking culture, I encourage you to 1) have at least one non-nature/hiking/gym picture or 2) specify briefly if you want an adventure buddy or just someone to join you on a hike every now and then. Why? As an active person but one who doesn’t do nature stuff much, I swipe left on most of these profiles because it feels like hiking is non-negotiable for y’all. If that’s not the case, let your potential dates know! Use those extra pics to round out your personality a bit more (having a beer at a baseball game, at your favorite bookshop, at a game convention, at a farmer’s market, whatever works for you).
I prefer no instagram personally because it feels a little conceited often, but that’s up to you. If you want to stand a part a bit, make things more detailed (exploring new places -> taking the most challenging hikes? Seeing sunsets from ___ Mountain? What kinds of books do you read? Streaming a show -> relaxing to [name of shows]) Also just a grammar thing, it would be ‘father’ no caps and ‘enjoys’. Hope it helped, good luck!
eta: I agree with another poster about the ‘normal’ thing. What’s being normal for a woman mean to you? I get that it’s a joke but I would think ‘yeah that’s not me’ and swipe left
I would swipe left mainly because all the photos are outdoorsy stuff and it seems like that’s all you do. Which, maybe it is, but then you might want to be more specific that you are looking for a hiking partner.
Pic #12
X the “finding someone normal on tinder” …
The only problem with most of your photos is that you’re wearing a hat and sunglasses in the majority of them. I understand they are natural accessories when you’re getting out and about but for the sake of an OLD profile they hide your face.
I agree with the poster who say #12 is a good one. Shows you off nicely. 14# is another good one but I would try to limit those where you can’t see your full face.
I would also try and work in a couple of pictures where you’re not in hiking mode, something more everyday casual/smart. I think it could add some more variation.
Dude here but I just wanted to say I love your “what’s your favorite mountain and why” prompt. I get that it’d fall flat for the majority of folks but that’s a great way to make sure your passions align.
I love the bio at the end of the post, I think it would definitely appeal to the right person. Enjoys doesn’t need an apostrophe though
Too many hat picks and ditch the shirtless one, women find it icky
If your divorce isn’t final yet then I would put that in your bio. It’s fair true and gives women the right to pass.
Your bio is great! I like 12 as a profile pic. But the one you chose (14) is good also. I would also include 4/19 for a full body pic, the photo in the tent to show you like camping and have friends. 16 is good too. 6 pictures seems like a good amount to me. Another non-adventure picture could be nice, but idk if it’s necessary. I would think you’d want someone that appreciates hiking since it’s such a big part of your life. And the people who swipe left because you seem too outdoorsy are probably not the people you want to meet anyway. I personally found the normal tinder person joke amusing, but I can definitely see how some people might be turned off and I think most dating coaches would advise against it. Overall I think it’s a great profile and I’m sure you’ll get lots of matches!
Don’t listen to the people to make it all about your kids. Do the opposite. Don’t mention kids until you find someone you like. If you have half time defiantly don’t mention them. All is fair in love and war.
If they like you, they will like you with the kids. Telling women about TWO CHILDREN will defiantly be shooting yourself in the foot
I hate this.
Let’s start with the words:
>I’m a[n] ~~friendly, happy and~~ outdoorsy Father of two who loves staying active and exploring new places.
Try to use terms that are not ambiguous and not common. Honestly unless you are *unfriendly* it’s not an interesting trait. No one is going to doubt you that you’re friendly enough on any app.
>Whether it’s battling a wave, DIY ~~or finding someone normal on tinder~~ I’m always up for a good challenge.
Replace this with something relevant to what you like to do such as hiking. It’s not clever *and* it’s overdone making it even less clever. If you want to be clever insert a joke that pertains to you, something you can own, I mean you’re bald so you could make a joke about reflecting the sun or something while camping. Self-deprecating relevant humor is much better than common humdrum social commentary *meant* to be funny and also tells people that you can take a joke.
Note: I am not making fun of you for your baldness. It’s an example. It looks like a preferred hairstyle.
>When I’m not outside, you can usually find me reading ~~a book~~, streaming ~~a show~~ or playing the ~~odd video game~~.
Give fucking examples. What kind of books? What’s a good title? What kind of shows? What’s your favorite movie? What kind of games? Define stuff. And wiggle your fatherhood into this. Maybe it’s “streaming Frozen for the 100th time with my child” which gives that fatherly presence and shows involvement rather than giving a colder and more independent outlook.
People do not leverage themselves, I swear. If you’re a cookbook guy talk about that shit, because that pertains not only to a idea but also a realizable skillset. We are in 2023. Telling people you can read is not it. I’ve been on dates with people who liked to “read books” and that meant comic books. Is it wrong? No. Is it right though…?
>I’m looking for someone who enjoy’s a hike, the odd paddle in the sea and ~~shares my love for life~~.
That literally means nothing. Wrap that package up with something better like an actual interest, perhaps going back into your profile from before and looping it up, making a joke of it even such as “shares my “love” of Frozen” or something. I mean these are examples but basically if you want to stand out you need to literally have more authenticity.
What I mean by authenticity, that unapologetic sense of ownership, for instance:
>”I do go to the gym a lot which is important to me but I wasn’t sure how to work that in without sounding like a gym bro.”
You’re a gym bro. OWN THAT SHIT. Defining your own caricature shows power, it shows confidence, it shows originality and it shows that you are genuine. Your goal in life is to be rejected by people who weren’t going to like you anyway. That’s confidence. Fuck the haters. Now I am not saying you should add it to your bio per se but if you want a partner who will join you in the gym you need to say so.
You write the type of profile that I personally hate because it’s tiptoeing. I mean condensed:
“I’m a nice normal guy who has no original humor and acts like all the other nice normal guys whom you swiped on, whichever direction, please know that I am different in my sameness.”
The fuck?
As for the pictures, keep clothed, smiles only, and do one with your group.
I really like the ones where you’re smiling. I never understand when people upload photos where they’re not smiling. They just seem angry and unapproachable.
I really like all the pics of you smiling ☺️
I recommend using pics 1, 16, 17 and 19.
I would remove the very first and very last line and don’t include a profile picture. Otherwise, looks good! You are very cute. I’m sure you will be successful
Edit: don’t include the SHIRTLESS prof pic
Straight male here, but I like 2 and 12 the best.
First and foremost, you absolutely must mention that you have young children. For me that’s a deal breaker and I wouldn’t even begin a conversation. The right woman will welcome/love that but there are plenty who have no interest in being a step parent and it saves wasting anyone’s time who isn’t compatible with you. Please get rid of the shirtless pic. It’s a massive turn off for a lot of women. If someone wants to see your body, they will ask.
The bio at the end is good 🙂 good luck!