Me (21F) and my bf (22M) have been together about 6 months now and we have sex from 1-4 times a week. it’s extremely enjoyable and pleasurable for both of us but he has only gone down on me twice and has only fingered me a handful of times. i don’t know what to say or do to let him know that that is something that i want and something that will help me climax. he says he doesn’t like the feeling his hands have after fingering me as each time he has i came on his hand but he hasn’t given a reason other than he thinks it’s boring going down on me but in a past relationship it was something that made sex even more enjoyable. i want him to go down on me and i’m sure it’s not cause i stink or taste bad as i’ve tastes myself to be sure and i am really hygienic. any advice on what i should do?
EDIT
i should have mentioned that i took his virginity 4 years ago and he took mine and in the 4 years we didn’t talk i got lots of experience (10 people to be exact) i’ve talked to him about it and he says it’s the mess. he doesn’t like the feeling on his fingers after fingering me and he doesn’t want to slobber everywhere going down on me. advice to make him comfortable with how messy sex and foreplay can be?
EDIT 2
him and i talked and came up with a solution. also to those assuming i don’t orgasm or feel satisfied from our sexual relationship i do feel satisfied and i have an orgasm and finish every single time i just like the “extra” stuff for a bit more fun and arousal. it is something i could live without and be fine without. but anyways the solution was that we would keep wipes by the bed for his hands and for him going down on me i told him the mess is okay and he said that he’ll do it more often now since his worries are pretty much gone.
20 comments
Break up with him and find a partner that actually cares about your sexual satisfaction.
This seems really selfish of him and from my experience, it doesn’t get better.
Yeah coming from a guy it sounds like you got a trash ass partner. One of the first things on my mind during sex is the satisfaction of my SO. Sometimes even more than my own but we have a balanced give and take relationship in the bedroom.
Hmmmm a partner should care about your satisfaction. If he has somd hang up, he should communicate that, although this sounds like a him thing and not you
Move on! No need to waste your life on someone who doesn’t care about your needs. The right partner will care enough about you to make sure you are satisfied.
I’m sorry to be blunt but stop dating children and find a man. Inexcusable. Get yours girl. Find someone compatible with you and a giver not a taker
That seems crazy, I will give my partner all the oral she wants, I love it. You have to find a partner who likes that. I don’t know how anyone can not like it, but everyone is different. But if it is something you love, you probably will not like living without it. If my partner would not let me do that for her, I would be really unhappy.
He doesn’t like the way his fingers feel after fingering you? Wow! He sure as hell doesn’t mine sticking his dick in you. Sounds like he is lazy and just wants to do the bare minimum to get his rocks off. I would tell him that you want his face on your pussy. If he says “gross” or doesn’t seem interested, the you need to make a choice. Living a life with someone that is sexually incompatible, is a recipe for a failed marriage.
He can clean his hand afterwards in any way he likes, it is not like he would have to keep it unwashed for a week, jesus. You guys can keep babywipes close by, for example, to avoid killimg the mood by going to the toilet to wash. And slobber doesn’t need to go “everywhere” when having oral sex. Is he planning on constantly spit all around? It seems to me that he is just giving excuses because he is lazy to do those things for you. Plain.
I mean, don’t give him oral or use your hands either. A relationship is between two people.
I don’t like messiness during sex either. I don’t even like touching myself bare because of the wetness and ick. If it’s a sensory thing, it may not be an easy fix to just clean up afterward. I’d recommend him using toys on you if he can’t do oral or use his bare hands. It’s the only way I can orgasm during sex.
Girl. I hate to tell you this. But it’s going to get worse, not better. You are YOUNG and horny and this is already how he’s acting? If he has no interest in getting you off (….. you have to actually talk to him and convince him as to why you deserve an O too 🫠), then 1- he is not mature enough for a relationship 2- he is not mature enough for sex 3- he is not deserving of sex with you.
Homeboy is a grown man yet acting like a child. Vaginas are not something icky 🤦🏼♀️
I will tell you that if you stay with him, you’re doing other women a service (because nobody wants to fall for a guy like that so thank you for your service if you keep him off the market). If you don’t stay with him, you’re smart because as you age, kids come into the picture, you get tired…. He will be even LESS interested.
My philosophy as a woman is this: YOU don’t get off until I do. I deserve an O just as much as you do.
In short… His attitude is outdated and completely chauvinist. If you want a depressing sex life, by all means, stay. But you’re not gonna convince him to change. At least not for very long anyway.
Try using a dental dam, plastic wrap works in a pinch. Using some flavored lube might help him as well. You can even cut open a flavored condom and place it with the flavored side facing out.
Rubbish. Satisfy your girlfriend.
I’m so glad you found compromises but if his comfort levels ever change would he be open to using toys on you? There are several that simulate oral sex.
Hope he actually steps it up…I would have left already…..touching me is not gross
Why is everyone here’s solution so nuclear? Like bro talk to him instead of just dropping him like the 5-6 comments I’ve read saying to do so
I wonder if he has some sensory processing issues here. The not liking the way his fingers feel and concern about spit/mess could be sensory related which is somewhat related to neurodivergency like sensory processing disorder or autism. Even the boredom description could be related to ADHD. I also find it interesting that you both seem to be able to communicate so directly via text without any drama that can sometimes be associated with text communication. That’s great. At least those are some things that stood out to me. Some other potential ideas besides the wipes could be gloves, laying down a towel, dental dams, or perhaps using toys together. Just some brainstorming I thought up on initial reading. The other thing of course is what it sounds like you are already doing pretty well which is communicate.
I can totally understand sensory issues pertaining to certain acts, especially as someone who is autistic and married to a woman with adhd. Certain sensations can completely take us out of the act. Sometimes, you can find creative solutions to help with these issues.
Prior to getting my vasectomy, and before we were willing to have kids, my wife and I would make liberal use of non-penetrative positions so that we could avoid penetration with condoms because the feeling of them would cause both of us a lot of sensory discomfort. I also used to have the same issue with my hands feeling soggy, so we would sometimes use nitrile gloves while playing, which have a nice texture for her as well.
As far as oral, there are also a number of other things you can try as well, such as flavored lubes or different positions. One of the biggest reasons for a man getting bored with oral could be that he isn’t getting enough stimulation himself for him to stay in the mindframe for it. Moaning, squeezing, and grabbing his head, using certain language, etc, can make the act more enjoyable for him as well.
Also, toys can absolutely help things for both parties. Exploring different sensations or challenging each other to try new things can really spice things up a lot as well as help overcoming certain sensory issues.
Sounds like y’all have already stepped up to keeping those lines of communication open, and that is the most important thing you can do in any relationship. I hope some of my suggestions or perspectives help!
Sometimes, you have to learn about yourself through other peoples experience to really get to the root of the matter.
Tldr. Get new boyfriend life is too short